![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
it's working.
my last therapist said i'm not a person, i'm a monster.
after all that i told him, that's what he came up with.
hard to believe anything else.
my last therapist said i'm not a person, i'm a monster.
after all that i told him, that's what he came up with.
hard to believe anything else.
[ jesus. he said he wouldn't judge tate, and he's not, but this is - scary? tate was in danger, being lured to a new death by the fucking siren song of a girlfriend who probably wasn't even real, and derek... didn't know it was happening. tate could have died and derek wouldn't have known until he came back. that's-- once again shining a light on the futility of their contract.
derek needs some time to answer this, but that's time he doesn't have, so he second guesses everything he writes as he sends each text off. ]
He can't blame you for what this place did to you.
You were probably under a trance, or... something. They probably showed you Violet with the specific intent of fucking up your resistance.
She wouldn't have been real. The real Violet would never want to hurt you.
He can't be mad at you for... being pulled under by something specifically designed to pull you under. He's smarter than that. Better. So...
A little distance is probably all you needed.
Hanging out with him in the woods will be enough to patch you guys up.
derek needs some time to answer this, but that's time he doesn't have, so he second guesses everything he writes as he sends each text off. ]
He can't blame you for what this place did to you.
You were probably under a trance, or... something. They probably showed you Violet with the specific intent of fucking up your resistance.
She wouldn't have been real. The real Violet would never want to hurt you.
He can't be mad at you for... being pulled under by something specifically designed to pull you under. He's smarter than that. Better. So...
A little distance is probably all you needed.
Hanging out with him in the woods will be enough to patch you guys up.
there's one other thing
that i kind of did and
i don't know if i regret it. yet.
that i kind of did and
i don't know if i regret it. yet.
Yeah, well, therapists aren't unilaterally good people. You told me he cheated on his wife. He's not exactly known for his great judgement calls.
He was probably just salty you were fucking his daughter so he wanted to get in your head. Who cares? Screw that guy.
I know what a monster looks like. You're not a monster.
Kate was a monster. My uncle at his worst, maybe, he was a monster.
Your mom. Her boyfriend.
You never hurt anyone the way they hurt your brother.
They killed a fucking kid. That's monstrous.
You're not like that.
He was probably just salty you were fucking his daughter so he wanted to get in your head. Who cares? Screw that guy.
I know what a monster looks like. You're not a monster.
Kate was a monster. My uncle at his worst, maybe, he was a monster.
Your mom. Her boyfriend.
You never hurt anyone the way they hurt your brother.
They killed a fucking kid. That's monstrous.
You're not like that.
i wanted to hurt people, though.
does that count?
i wanted to hurt lawrence. tried to, remember?
if i was a monster for doing that...
at least, monsters can change right?
does that count?
i wanted to hurt lawrence. tried to, remember?
if i was a monster for doing that...
at least, monsters can change right?
he was freaked out. i was freaked out
i told him i loved him
and i don't know if i meant it
or if i wanted to mean it.
does that make sense?
i told him i loved him
and i don't know if i meant it
or if i wanted to mean it.
does that make sense?
Oh.
Yeah.
It takes a lot of time for me to be able to tell someone I love them.
If I hadn't met Stiles here the way that I did, I probably wouldn't have told him how I felt until I was on my deathbed. And even then, it'd come with an apology.
I don't think there's anything wrong with something kick-starting your feelings if that's what happened here. Better to do it too early than too late.
But.
I guess this is why you need to talk to him.
I don't think I can solve this one for you.
Yeah.
It takes a lot of time for me to be able to tell someone I love them.
If I hadn't met Stiles here the way that I did, I probably wouldn't have told him how I felt until I was on my deathbed. And even then, it'd come with an apology.
I don't think there's anything wrong with something kick-starting your feelings if that's what happened here. Better to do it too early than too late.
But.
I guess this is why you need to talk to him.
I don't think I can solve this one for you.
Edited 2019-08-01 04:57 (UTC)
yeah. i guess.
i'm gonna meet with him tomorrow.
can you do me a favor though?
sometime tonight
i'm gonna meet with him tomorrow.
can you do me a favor though?
sometime tonight
Hurt a lot of people. Wanted to hurt a lot more.
Killed people who didn't deserve to die. My sister.
Orchestrated a lot of pain just for a taste of power.
He was selfish. Lacked empathy.
Manipulative.
All the things you aren't.
I trusted him for a long, long time.
I've trusted a lot of people I shouldn't have.
He took advantage of that. Time and time again.
Fucked up thing is that I still kind of care about him.
[ anyway. ]
Guilty.
That's my word.
Killed people who didn't deserve to die. My sister.
Orchestrated a lot of pain just for a taste of power.
He was selfish. Lacked empathy.
Manipulative.
All the things you aren't.
I trusted him for a long, long time.
I've trusted a lot of people I shouldn't have.
He took advantage of that. Time and time again.
Fucked up thing is that I still kind of care about him.
[ anyway. ]
Guilty.
That's my word.
i couldn't really sleep last night. i still can't.
can you help me?
can you help me?
i'd like that.
my head's all messed up
i just need to settle it
and it helps when ur here
my head's all messed up
i just need to settle it
and it helps when ur here
if it's ok i'm gonna stay in the treehouse for a while
i don't want people to see my arm.
just incase you want to find me
i don't want people to see my arm.
just incase you want to find me
[Been lots of texting going on this past two weeks but this - this text is probably the hardest to send. Tate's not seeking out advice and guidance, he's not trying to be reassured. He's trying to break the news of something without really doing it. But it'd be harder to do in person, so much stranger in person, that he has to do it this way. He doesn't know where to start. It's not a big deal, right?]
are you coming over tonight?
i forget if we made those plans or not.
are you coming over tonight?
i forget if we made those plans or not.
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