[ Derek expected Kavinsky to get defensive, but he wasn't sure if he would answer him in spite of that. When he does, Derek tries to make it clear that he's not asking to be... cruel, or critical, or anything. His fingers graze over the small of Kavinsky's back then move inwards, resting his hands on his thighs, just trying to communicate some measure of calm through soft touch alone. ]

Killing has been...

[ Unavoidable, he wants to say, but he hesitates and changes his mind at the last second. He made a choice, when he killed his uncle. Made choices that led to Paige's death. Boyd's. Erica's. Laura's. Derek shakes his head, walks down a different road. ]

I've killed. People I loved. People I didn't. Sometimes intentionally. Sometimes not. It's been - a big part of who I am. For a long time.

[ And he doesn't think that makes him a monster, or - unforgivable, or whatever, and he doesn't know if that's something Kavinsky feels about himself, or not, but he wants to at least put it out there that he gets it if he does. Sometimes he thinks Kavinsky cares about that shit. Sometimes he thinks Kavinsky doesn't give a fuck who he hurts, or how badly he hurts them, and doesn't think that reflects on him as a person at all. That grey area is what makes it hard for Derek to commit to expressing his point. ]

Who was Illy?