[Kavinsky doesn't close his eyes right away as Derek kisses him. But it's better this time, it's living this time. He lets his eyes close and he feels fucking--weak. His lips part after Derek bites him and as the intensity ramps up, he finally moves. His hand slides over the back of Derek's neck, clinging to him, even as the kiss breaks.
He looks up, and he doesn't...
He should just take this. It's what he wants, isn't it? Even if this isn't what he'd been thinking about when he texted Derek. Why the fuck did he text him?]
Don't, [he mutters, and it feels weird to say. He doesn't want Derek to pull away, but he doesn't want to be a pity fuck, either. Just like he didn't want Gerry to stay because he felt bad for him. And even if he wants someone to hurt him - anything to avoid the fucking feelings roiling around in him - he doesn't want pity. Being angry is so much fucking easier than this.
Kavinsky needs to fucking say something. His hand tightens a little on Derek's neck. God, he is so fucking pathetic. He relaxes his grip and lets his hand slide over Derek's chest.]
What the fuck is wrong with me.
[Apply that where you will, because it can cover a lot right now.]
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He looks up, and he doesn't...
He should just take this. It's what he wants, isn't it? Even if this isn't what he'd been thinking about when he texted Derek. Why the fuck did he text him?]
Don't, [he mutters, and it feels weird to say. He doesn't want Derek to pull away, but he doesn't want to be a pity fuck, either. Just like he didn't want Gerry to stay because he felt bad for him. And even if he wants someone to hurt him - anything to avoid the fucking feelings roiling around in him - he doesn't want pity. Being angry is so much fucking easier than this.
Kavinsky needs to fucking say something. His hand tightens a little on Derek's neck. God, he is so fucking pathetic. He relaxes his grip and lets his hand slide over Derek's chest.]
What the fuck is wrong with me.
[Apply that where you will, because it can cover a lot right now.]