[ derek's not reminded of anything. this all feels so new.
in so many ways, it's hard to marry the stiles he's used to with the stiles in front of him. stiles is taller, more confident. has a head full of hair. the trust, the reassurance, the maturity, the adulthood, it's all - disarming again, and as derek watches stiles touch his wrist the same way that derek is touching his, he feels like he himself is a little newer, too. he feels almost younger than he should, like a part of him remembers what it feels like to care more about the joy another person can bring him than the hardened sorrow he buries himself in so deeply and so often. there's a stirring, right in the corner of his lips, this minute, careful start of a smile. it lasts until they let go of each other.
derek's eyes are soft, almost docile. tamed. carefully, he slides his hands into his pockets, and he takes a few steps back, extending the distance between them again. he'll spoil himself, if he wants for too much of a good thing. it felt nice, touching stiles. the warmth of another body against his own, the light, feather-soft touches that made his stomach roll with affection and joy. it's too much, but he could get used to it, he thinks. he's missed being liked. he still can't believe he's someone's hero.
if only he were brave enough to let himself touch stiles like that again.
when have i ever not told you what i think, stiles adds, and the smile twitches back to life again. ]
Mm.
[ that's the hardest he can react, right now. a nice, monosyllabic mm, really asserting himself as the greatest speaker of his generation. he's always needed conversations like these, emotionally supportive and borderline affectionate, but he's never been good at reciprocating them, he thinks. at the very least, he's never been good at processing them. he's the alpha, but taking all of this kindness without offering enough in turn feels off-balanced, too representative of what a dom and a sub could have together. derek wants to make stiles more comfortable, too.
maybe it's no surprise, really, that a conversation so steeped in thoughts of security and dependability would circle back to derek's problems. he... gets it, but that's what makes him annoyed, following that mm up with a sharp shake of his head. stiles was the one who came to him with this, and derek needs to straighten out his shoulders and act better. ]
Derek and Stiles.
[ this is good. "derek and stiles". he doesn't have to question "derek and stiles", he doesn't have to worry about the gravity attached to inwardly and outwardly declaring with conviction that the two of them are friends. derek just has to be derek, stiles just has to be stiles. ]
I like that. We should set some ground rules. Before we make this official.
[ taking charge on this, making decisive action - that's what's going to put him in control again. derek takes a quick breath, situates himself, then pushes ahead. word by word, his eyes harden, his muscles tense, his posture straightens. he doesn't want to be the derek that needs to be told this is okay, he wants to be the derek that makes stiles feel safe. the derek that has his back, the derek that's worth trusting. the derek that would actually be okay with being stiles' savior, if stiles were ever weak enough to need one. ]
If you need something - if you want something - you tell me. Right away. I don't want you moping around, acting all whiny and depressed because you think you're just... playing into the system every time you want a packet of twinkies. That's not how it works.
[ derek brings back his hand, marking things off his fingers like a checklist. ]
I'll keep a room for you in my apartment. Just in case you ever need it. As temporary or as permanent as you want.
[ a pause. he looks at stiles, expression incredibly serious. ]
no subject
in so many ways, it's hard to marry the stiles he's used to with the stiles in front of him. stiles is taller, more confident. has a head full of hair. the trust, the reassurance, the maturity, the adulthood, it's all - disarming again, and as derek watches stiles touch his wrist the same way that derek is touching his, he feels like he himself is a little newer, too. he feels almost younger than he should, like a part of him remembers what it feels like to care more about the joy another person can bring him than the hardened sorrow he buries himself in so deeply and so often. there's a stirring, right in the corner of his lips, this minute, careful start of a smile. it lasts until they let go of each other.
derek's eyes are soft, almost docile. tamed. carefully, he slides his hands into his pockets, and he takes a few steps back, extending the distance between them again. he'll spoil himself, if he wants for too much of a good thing. it felt nice, touching stiles. the warmth of another body against his own, the light, feather-soft touches that made his stomach roll with affection and joy. it's too much, but he could get used to it, he thinks. he's missed being liked. he still can't believe he's someone's hero.
if only he were brave enough to let himself touch stiles like that again.
when have i ever not told you what i think, stiles adds, and the smile twitches back to life again. ]
Mm.
[ that's the hardest he can react, right now. a nice, monosyllabic mm, really asserting himself as the greatest speaker of his generation. he's always needed conversations like these, emotionally supportive and borderline affectionate, but he's never been good at reciprocating them, he thinks. at the very least, he's never been good at processing them. he's the alpha, but taking all of this kindness without offering enough in turn feels off-balanced, too representative of what a dom and a sub could have together. derek wants to make stiles more comfortable, too.
maybe it's no surprise, really, that a conversation so steeped in thoughts of security and dependability would circle back to derek's problems. he... gets it, but that's what makes him annoyed, following that mm up with a sharp shake of his head. stiles was the one who came to him with this, and derek needs to straighten out his shoulders and act better. ]
Derek and Stiles.
[ this is good. "derek and stiles". he doesn't have to question "derek and stiles", he doesn't have to worry about the gravity attached to inwardly and outwardly declaring with conviction that the two of them are friends. derek just has to be derek, stiles just has to be stiles. ]
I like that. We should set some ground rules. Before we make this official.
[ taking charge on this, making decisive action - that's what's going to put him in control again. derek takes a quick breath, situates himself, then pushes ahead. word by word, his eyes harden, his muscles tense, his posture straightens. he doesn't want to be the derek that needs to be told this is okay, he wants to be the derek that makes stiles feel safe. the derek that has his back, the derek that's worth trusting. the derek that would actually be okay with being stiles' savior, if stiles were ever weak enough to need one. ]
If you need something - if you want something - you tell me. Right away. I don't want you moping around, acting all whiny and depressed because you think you're just... playing into the system every time you want a packet of twinkies. That's not how it works.
[ derek brings back his hand, marking things off his fingers like a checklist. ]
I'll keep a room for you in my apartment. Just in case you ever need it. As temporary or as permanent as you want.
[ a pause. he looks at stiles, expression incredibly serious. ]
Daily blowjobs. Hourly blowjobs. Non-negotiable.