[ whatever. derek doesn't need a napkin. derek pointedly and stubbornly swats the napkin away when stiles throws it away, and this time, it's actually a decently impressive swing. he bats it out of the air with the back of his palm and sends it rolling away under one of the armchairs, marginally improving his athleticism average after that sorry display with the coke can. great. yes. he is the basketball legend. 15-love or whatever. that's tennis. moving on.
he wipes his hands on his shirt again, sullenly twelve year olding. he takes a sip of his drink, he shifts his ass a bit to get comfortable, and he waits for stiles to make his move. it's in this new stretch of silence that - it hits him. he feels the heartbeat of arousal between them, that tiny little spike of adrenaline and energy and heat in stiles' stomach, and it catches on derek, almost even affects him empathetically. his eyebrows pinch and his lips drop open, and he stares at stiles.
he stares at stiles like he knows.
but he says nothing. even if the conversation didn't take a turn for the Slightly More Real, he would have said nothing. he gets through the come on, mans without really reacting, but - he does know he screwed up.
allison's gone. derek actually fucking forgot that allison's gone, through all the joy he felt in seeing stiles, and that's just... another reason why it's dangerous for him to treat this crush as something real. if he gets caught up in these... feelings, then he's going to fuck up. lose priorities, make stupid jokes without thinking. say stupid shit, like he always does when he's too happy. he needs to be logical, critical. mechanical, all the time. can't keep forgetting that.
stiles says it's going to get a lot worse. derek doesn't see how that's possible. ]
It can't get worse for me.
[ no more hales. peter - his best friend, once - dead, by his own hand. laura gone, because derek never told her the truth about the fire and let her go back home alone. things are supposed to get better for him, now that he's an alpha. just because scott's a horny little toad doesn't mean things are going to get worse for derek. he's already hit rock bottom. he refuses to believe things can be worse than they've been since the fire.
though - he knows that's not true. he knows the precarious situation he's in back home. the kanima, the alpha pack. allison's death and stiles' involvement in it. there's so much coming. so much he's not prepared for. just because things won't get worse for him - something he has to believe - doesn't mean things won't get worse for stiles and the rest.
derek sighs. rubs the side of his nose with his palm, avoiding getting pizza grease on it. he takes another bite, makes another move on the board, pushing his rook forward. he's taking aggressive actions, staying on the attack. can't let the tide turn. ]
If I go home, and I can remember, then - I'll do a better job.
[ he sets his piece down, right in position to capture one of stiles' pawns. he leans back on his ass, sets his hands on the ground after freeing them up a little, then stares at stiles, hoping this is... okay to say. ]
You didn't tell Allison about her death, but you told me. You told me about the Oni, and about the Nogitsune, and - and she's still alive, in my timeline. If I remember when I go back, then I'll save her.
[ he was always supposed to save everyone. the fact that he couldn't means - he wasn't good enough. and he can't go back and become an alpha that isn't good enough. what would laura's death be for, if derek just... misused her power, now that it's his own? he needs to save everyone. that's what he's been trying to do since peter. whether he likes it or not, allison is a part of everyone. ]
Like I said before. You gave her a second chance at being happy, while she was here. If I can save her, then - you did everything right by only telling me.
[ it's always the survivors who have to clean up after the dead. if stiles puts this in his hands - he'll do better. he takes a breath, looks away, trusts stiles not to screw with the pieces while his eyes are staring at... nothing. a spot on the wall, maybe. he grabs a slice of pizza, putting his weight on his other hand, then takes another huge bite. ]
Anyway, [ he says, through a mouthful of sausage, which is, indeed, what she said. ]
Scott couldn't have liked me back then. Agreed. But. [ he swallows. ] What about you? Anything I could've done to win you over? Other than not bleeding on your car. Or hitting you all the time.
no subject
he wipes his hands on his shirt again, sullenly twelve year olding. he takes a sip of his drink, he shifts his ass a bit to get comfortable, and he waits for stiles to make his move. it's in this new stretch of silence that - it hits him. he feels the heartbeat of arousal between them, that tiny little spike of adrenaline and energy and heat in stiles' stomach, and it catches on derek, almost even affects him empathetically. his eyebrows pinch and his lips drop open, and he stares at stiles.
he stares at stiles like he knows.
but he says nothing. even if the conversation didn't take a turn for the Slightly More Real, he would have said nothing. he gets through the come on, mans without really reacting, but - he does know he screwed up.
allison's gone. derek actually fucking forgot that allison's gone, through all the joy he felt in seeing stiles, and that's just... another reason why it's dangerous for him to treat this crush as something real. if he gets caught up in these... feelings, then he's going to fuck up. lose priorities, make stupid jokes without thinking. say stupid shit, like he always does when he's too happy. he needs to be logical, critical. mechanical, all the time. can't keep forgetting that.
stiles says it's going to get a lot worse. derek doesn't see how that's possible. ]
It can't get worse for me.
[ no more hales. peter - his best friend, once - dead, by his own hand. laura gone, because derek never told her the truth about the fire and let her go back home alone. things are supposed to get better for him, now that he's an alpha. just because scott's a horny little toad doesn't mean things are going to get worse for derek. he's already hit rock bottom. he refuses to believe things can be worse than they've been since the fire.
though - he knows that's not true. he knows the precarious situation he's in back home. the kanima, the alpha pack. allison's death and stiles' involvement in it. there's so much coming. so much he's not prepared for. just because things won't get worse for him - something he has to believe - doesn't mean things won't get worse for stiles and the rest.
derek sighs. rubs the side of his nose with his palm, avoiding getting pizza grease on it. he takes another bite, makes another move on the board, pushing his rook forward. he's taking aggressive actions, staying on the attack. can't let the tide turn. ]
If I go home, and I can remember, then - I'll do a better job.
[ he sets his piece down, right in position to capture one of stiles' pawns. he leans back on his ass, sets his hands on the ground after freeing them up a little, then stares at stiles, hoping this is... okay to say. ]
You didn't tell Allison about her death, but you told me. You told me about the Oni, and about the Nogitsune, and - and she's still alive, in my timeline. If I remember when I go back, then I'll save her.
[ he was always supposed to save everyone. the fact that he couldn't means - he wasn't good enough. and he can't go back and become an alpha that isn't good enough. what would laura's death be for, if derek just... misused her power, now that it's his own? he needs to save everyone. that's what he's been trying to do since peter. whether he likes it or not, allison is a part of everyone. ]
Like I said before. You gave her a second chance at being happy, while she was here. If I can save her, then - you did everything right by only telling me.
[ it's always the survivors who have to clean up after the dead. if stiles puts this in his hands - he'll do better. he takes a breath, looks away, trusts stiles not to screw with the pieces while his eyes are staring at... nothing. a spot on the wall, maybe. he grabs a slice of pizza, putting his weight on his other hand, then takes another huge bite. ]
Anyway, [ he says, through a mouthful of sausage, which is, indeed, what she said. ]
Scott couldn't have liked me back then. Agreed. But. [ he swallows. ] What about you? Anything I could've done to win you over? Other than not bleeding on your car. Or hitting you all the time.