[ if derek were a little smarter, he'd use his nose. he'd search out chemosignals, he'd listen for the quickening rush of tate's pulse. he'd do more than just sit, and listen, and talk. but he doesn't - partly because tate's still rolling and derek doesn't think he'd be able to read anything legible from him if he tried, and partly because this is an exercise of trust. he needs to believe that tate cares. that he won't use this against him, one day. he needs to believe that he's right to choose this path, instead of just leaving tate at that party to suffer in silence.
this, too, feels like a life or death moment. derek isn't going to answer tate's question. he just shakes his head, and he keeps trying to make him understand his point. ]
Look - I thought you were going to hurt Stiles. You were angry, you had the razor, and back during orientation, you were willing to hurt me. I thought you were like her. I think everyone is like her.
[ derek shifts on the bed. he doesn't want to lay down, but sitting like this, legs crossed and back hunched, it's not doing anything for his spine. he straightens out and leans back as best as he can, hands sinking further into the sheets. he looks down at tate, wondering, in disconnected, wordless thoughts, if he's going to need to stay up all night helping tate vomit and sweat and work out whatever it is that's in his system. ]
But - that was wrong of me. I know you're just scared. Alone. You're like me - sometimes things get too much, and you just... have to get it out. I shouldn't have pushed you away, and I shouldn't have lied to you about how I knew Stiles. I was trying to protect myself from you, and that's...
[ a pause. derek shakes his head. he's in the wrong, to feel guilty. he's in the wrong, explaining himself to tate. he's in the wrong, bringing up kate, sharing another secret. it's so fucking hard to... pull himself out of this shell. he's trying so hard to be more than just angry and reticent and walled off, but he's clumsy, and he doesn't know how. but he has to learn. an alpha has to be able to do shit like this. talk. inspire. he needs to know how to control the tides of any situation. getting tate to trust him is just - a part of that. ]
I haven't been fair to you. I want to be fair to you. I want to trust you. You have to let me in, so I can.
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this, too, feels like a life or death moment. derek isn't going to answer tate's question. he just shakes his head, and he keeps trying to make him understand his point. ]
Look - I thought you were going to hurt Stiles. You were angry, you had the razor, and back during orientation, you were willing to hurt me. I thought you were like her. I think everyone is like her.
[ derek shifts on the bed. he doesn't want to lay down, but sitting like this, legs crossed and back hunched, it's not doing anything for his spine. he straightens out and leans back as best as he can, hands sinking further into the sheets. he looks down at tate, wondering, in disconnected, wordless thoughts, if he's going to need to stay up all night helping tate vomit and sweat and work out whatever it is that's in his system. ]
But - that was wrong of me. I know you're just scared. Alone. You're like me - sometimes things get too much, and you just... have to get it out. I shouldn't have pushed you away, and I shouldn't have lied to you about how I knew Stiles. I was trying to protect myself from you, and that's...
[ a pause. derek shakes his head. he's in the wrong, to feel guilty. he's in the wrong, explaining himself to tate. he's in the wrong, bringing up kate, sharing another secret. it's so fucking hard to... pull himself out of this shell. he's trying so hard to be more than just angry and reticent and walled off, but he's clumsy, and he doesn't know how. but he has to learn. an alpha has to be able to do shit like this. talk. inspire. he needs to know how to control the tides of any situation. getting tate to trust him is just - a part of that. ]
I haven't been fair to you. I want to be fair to you. I want to trust you. You have to let me in, so I can.