[ This is - really starting to annoy him. Derek looks at Tate, sees the glassiness to his smile, all sharp and colourless. He's barely touched his pretzels, and Derek's stomach churns with anxiety as the bag gets handed over. He doesn't understand why things are going wrong, but - things are going wrong. ]
We're not. You're not listening.
[ Derek snaps a little, and he sits up, moving closer to Tate. Lightly, he punches him on the thigh with the soft edge of his fist, this frustrated, aimless attempt at getting his attention that feels sort of stupid, once he's actually done it. He sits directly in front of Tate, bends forward, holds eye contact. He lifts his fist again, then bops it just as weakly into the sand. Still annoyed. ]
Stiles isn't pack.
[ And Tate isn't either, but Derek's talked to him about the bite, and he's told Stiles that he wants to build a pack. He's been trying to stay pretty neutral on this, because he doesn't want to sway Tate one way or the other, but the truth is, he's already starting to think of him as a Beta. He wants to protect him. Make him understand that he matters. ]
Being a Beta is more than just - getting stronger, getting healthier. The bond a Beta shares with their Alpha is... stronger than any they could share with a friend, or with family. There's this intense, impenetrable intimacy, where both Beta and Alpha are drawn to protect each other, and-- and losing one another feels worse than losing a limb. You realize that you've been-- incomplete, and that when you're together, you feel whole. You realize that you'd lay down anything in the world for this person, because they'd lay down anything in the world for you.
[ That's what it's supposed to feel like, at least. That's what Derek thought it did feel like, back home, between the Hales and his own pack, but Isaac-- Isaac still leaves, Isaac maybe never felt the love he was supposed to feel that Derek never really expressed, the Alpha pack still kills their Betas. Maybe he's too idealistic. Maybe this bond is more... one sided, tilted towards the Alpha. Maybe Derek was kidding himself, when he felt like his pack made him whole.
Either way - Derek shakes his head, gets rid of the doubt. He grabs Tate by the shoulders, holding eye contact, trying to impress upon him what he means. ]
I'm not-- telling you to take the bite. I don't know if you need it. I don't know if you need me, and I don't want to force this on you just because I want it, or because I'm afraid of being alone.
[ Erica dies. Boyd dies. There's this quiet, fucked up part of him that thinks Tate couldn't die, if he were bitten, because he's already gone, and he'd just - come back. There's a sick crunch of guilt in his stomach when he thinks that - like Tate's death makes him a prize, or a commodity, or something as equally dehumanizing - and his hands on Tate's shoulders grip tighter. Tight enough to hurt. ]
no subject
We're not. You're not listening.
[ Derek snaps a little, and he sits up, moving closer to Tate. Lightly, he punches him on the thigh with the soft edge of his fist, this frustrated, aimless attempt at getting his attention that feels sort of stupid, once he's actually done it. He sits directly in front of Tate, bends forward, holds eye contact. He lifts his fist again, then bops it just as weakly into the sand. Still annoyed. ]
Stiles isn't pack.
[ And Tate isn't either, but Derek's talked to him about the bite, and he's told Stiles that he wants to build a pack. He's been trying to stay pretty neutral on this, because he doesn't want to sway Tate one way or the other, but the truth is, he's already starting to think of him as a Beta. He wants to protect him. Make him understand that he matters. ]
Being a Beta is more than just - getting stronger, getting healthier. The bond a Beta shares with their Alpha is... stronger than any they could share with a friend, or with family. There's this intense, impenetrable intimacy, where both Beta and Alpha are drawn to protect each other, and-- and losing one another feels worse than losing a limb. You realize that you've been-- incomplete, and that when you're together, you feel whole. You realize that you'd lay down anything in the world for this person, because they'd lay down anything in the world for you.
[ That's what it's supposed to feel like, at least. That's what Derek thought it did feel like, back home, between the Hales and his own pack, but Isaac-- Isaac still leaves, Isaac maybe never felt the love he was supposed to feel that Derek never really expressed, the Alpha pack still kills their Betas. Maybe he's too idealistic. Maybe this bond is more... one sided, tilted towards the Alpha. Maybe Derek was kidding himself, when he felt like his pack made him whole.
Either way - Derek shakes his head, gets rid of the doubt. He grabs Tate by the shoulders, holding eye contact, trying to impress upon him what he means. ]
I'm not-- telling you to take the bite. I don't know if you need it. I don't know if you need me, and I don't want to force this on you just because I want it, or because I'm afraid of being alone.
[ Erica dies. Boyd dies. There's this quiet, fucked up part of him that thinks Tate couldn't die, if he were bitten, because he's already gone, and he'd just - come back. There's a sick crunch of guilt in his stomach when he thinks that - like Tate's death makes him a prize, or a commodity, or something as equally dehumanizing - and his hands on Tate's shoulders grip tighter. Tight enough to hurt. ]
But we could have that.