[ this is - stupid. he wants to keep calling tate out for lying, but tate wants to keep calling him out for being angry when he isn't, and it just feels like it'd be a shitty cycle of things. ]
We didn't have to be pack. I didn't even know if I was going to bite you. I gave you the offer, told you what it meant, but it was never set in stone. Never knew if I was going to go through with it. I wanted it. I'm not going to lie about that. I wanted you. I still do, stupidly enough. But if you'd said no, or - if it felt like being pack wouldn't have helped you, in the end, then - I wouldn't have forced it on you. I just wanted to help you. I wanted to be closer to you. I thought we were getting there? I thought I was doing all of that. We didn't have to do the training, didn't have to help you find an anchor. We didn't have to do any of it. I'm sorry if you felt like I was forcing you to. I just wanted to spend time with you, and I wanted to make you feel safe, and I thought doing that by sharing my life with you was the best way to show you how I felt.
You were never supposed to... be a stand-in for Stiles. I don't want with him what I wanted with you. I told you that. I wanted you to be my family. There's no competition, in family. No "first person". You're supposed to love your family all the same. This was all only ever about you. Tate Langdon.
[ which - isn't strictly true, but it's true enough for derek to say it without feeling like he's lying. ]
I don't want to control you. Or mold you. That's why I'm saying - your decisions are yours. All of them. I'm worried you're going to get hurt - I'm worried you're already getting hurt - and it's hard to know there's so much less between us than I thought there was. That's why I don't know where we stand, and that's why I'm upset. Not angry.
no subject
We didn't have to be pack.
I didn't even know if I was going to bite you. I gave you the offer, told you what it meant, but it was never set in stone. Never knew if I was going to go through with it.
I wanted it. I'm not going to lie about that. I wanted you. I still do, stupidly enough.
But if you'd said no, or - if it felt like being pack wouldn't have helped you, in the end, then - I wouldn't have forced it on you.
I just wanted to help you. I wanted to be closer to you.
I thought we were getting there? I thought I was doing all of that.
We didn't have to do the training, didn't have to help you find an anchor. We didn't have to do any of it. I'm sorry if you felt like I was forcing you to.
I just wanted to spend time with you, and I wanted to make you feel safe, and I thought doing that by sharing my life with you was the best way to show you how I felt.
You were never supposed to... be a stand-in for Stiles. I don't want with him what I wanted with you. I told you that.
I wanted you to be my family. There's no competition, in family. No "first person". You're supposed to love your family all the same.
This was all only ever about you. Tate Langdon.
[ which - isn't strictly true, but it's true enough for derek to say it without feeling like he's lying. ]
I don't want to control you. Or mold you.
That's why I'm saying - your decisions are yours. All of them.
I'm worried you're going to get hurt - I'm worried you're already getting hurt - and it's hard to know there's so much less between us than I thought there was. That's why I don't know where we stand, and that's why I'm upset.
Not angry.