[ No, it - it makes sense. Derek looks at Tate with a certain softness on the edge of his expression, feeling his chest ache with a mix of guilt and shame. It takes a few false starts before he finds the right words to express how he's feeling. ]
I should've... known that. You basically told me as much.
[ Tate asked what you're supposed to do, if you don't like your anchor, and Derek had just said that anchors change with time. That's - kind of callous. He just told Tate to suck it up and deal with it, he let his eyes burn red as a shortcut to calm Tate down, he fucking - did a lot of fucking things, to this poor kid.
And he knows why he did it. Derek shifts on the grass, like he can't get comfortable. He picks at the ground with his fingernails, clenching his jaw until it hurts. ]
This is going to sound bad. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, or...
[ Derek looks up, catches Tate's eye. He looks back down again, digging further into the dirt. Tate drew spirals in the sand, back when they trained at the beach. Felt kind of like fate. ]
I... was really, really fixated on the idea of having you as my pack. I know that I could build a pack with anyone, but - it had to be you? I wanted to be as close to you as possible, and I was determined to get that, no matter what. I think... maybe I wanted you to be dependant on me, because then you'd... always... be there. With me.
[ As his pack, as his family, as his second chance. He's seen all of Tate's pain up close, and he just - wanted to be the one to save him, and he wanted to do better by him than he did to the others. He still wants that, he wants everything, but he's trying to play it down a bit, because he promised not to put any pressure on Tate. He's doing his absolute best. ]
I think that I thought if I could help you with your anger, in whatever way I could, you'd... start to need me. I should have known I was hurting you. I never wanted to trap you into being with me, but maybe - maybe that's what I was doing. Subconsciously.
[ The way that he did to Erica, and Boyd, and Isaac. He preyed on what they needed. He did the same to Tate. He remembers when Tate called him kind, and it makes him want to laugh, but he doesn't have the energy. ]
I don't know. I'm sorry. It was fucked up. I'm fucked up.
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I should've... known that. You basically told me as much.
[ Tate asked what you're supposed to do, if you don't like your anchor, and Derek had just said that anchors change with time. That's - kind of callous. He just told Tate to suck it up and deal with it, he let his eyes burn red as a shortcut to calm Tate down, he fucking - did a lot of fucking things, to this poor kid.
And he knows why he did it. Derek shifts on the grass, like he can't get comfortable. He picks at the ground with his fingernails, clenching his jaw until it hurts. ]
This is going to sound bad. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, or...
[ Derek looks up, catches Tate's eye. He looks back down again, digging further into the dirt. Tate drew spirals in the sand, back when they trained at the beach. Felt kind of like fate. ]
I... was really, really fixated on the idea of having you as my pack. I know that I could build a pack with anyone, but - it had to be you? I wanted to be as close to you as possible, and I was determined to get that, no matter what. I think... maybe I wanted you to be dependant on me, because then you'd... always... be there. With me.
[ As his pack, as his family, as his second chance. He's seen all of Tate's pain up close, and he just - wanted to be the one to save him, and he wanted to do better by him than he did to the others. He still wants that, he wants everything, but he's trying to play it down a bit, because he promised not to put any pressure on Tate. He's doing his absolute best. ]
I think that I thought if I could help you with your anger, in whatever way I could, you'd... start to need me. I should have known I was hurting you. I never wanted to trap you into being with me, but maybe - maybe that's what I was doing. Subconsciously.
[ The way that he did to Erica, and Boyd, and Isaac. He preyed on what they needed. He did the same to Tate. He remembers when Tate called him kind, and it makes him want to laugh, but he doesn't have the energy. ]
I don't know. I'm sorry. It was fucked up. I'm fucked up.