I get it. I just... I guess I'm afraid of people leaving.
[He admits this, and it feels like this much has been obvious for a while. Has he spoken to Derek about it? Probably, in bits and pieces spread out over his time here. Maybe he needs to explain it a bit because he's sure he's not the only one who remembers his epic break down when Derek tried to leave; how Tate crumbled into distressed tears in any attempt to keep him from going.
Tate tugs down his sleeves, covering his hands. Whatever he's covered already he doesn't mind glossing over again, for a more complete story. He'll still narrate with some pieces removed, just because he's still not sure he can be as completely honest with Derek as he was once so naive enough to believe.]
My dad left when I was a kid and he left me with my mother. You - You know how I feel about her. What she's done and how it's messed me up. My therapist says I have a fear of rejection, or he - said - whatever. Before I came here, I was seeing him to try and sort everything out. Thought I'd get better.
[He shrugs quietly.]
My mom was never pleased with me, she was the type who always wanted more. Better. More in line with how she thought I should be, versus who I really was. She held me and my siblings to... standards we couldn't compete with. Even though I hate her, I guess - I still want to be what I can't. And I got scared here that maybe I couldn't be what you wanted, too. But I'm trying. Not because you want it, but because I want to be that way too.
no subject
[He admits this, and it feels like this much has been obvious for a while. Has he spoken to Derek about it? Probably, in bits and pieces spread out over his time here. Maybe he needs to explain it a bit because he's sure he's not the only one who remembers his epic break down when Derek tried to leave; how Tate crumbled into distressed tears in any attempt to keep him from going.
Tate tugs down his sleeves, covering his hands. Whatever he's covered already he doesn't mind glossing over again, for a more complete story. He'll still narrate with some pieces removed, just because he's still not sure he can be as completely honest with Derek as he was once so naive enough to believe.]
My dad left when I was a kid and he left me with my mother. You - You know how I feel about her. What she's done and how it's messed me up. My therapist says I have a fear of rejection, or he - said - whatever. Before I came here, I was seeing him to try and sort everything out. Thought I'd get better.
[He shrugs quietly.]
My mom was never pleased with me, she was the type who always wanted more. Better. More in line with how she thought I should be, versus who I really was. She held me and my siblings to... standards we couldn't compete with. Even though I hate her, I guess - I still want to be what I can't. And I got scared here that maybe I couldn't be what you wanted, too. But I'm trying. Not because you want it, but because I want to be that way too.