[ this is - a lot, and derek's... derek has a dozen different feelings about it all and isn't quite sure where to start. surprise takes the lead. weird, defensive anger comes second. predominantly, though - worry. stiles' birthday was a while ago, and if something's been eating at him since then, he feels like kind of an incompetent boyfriend for not fucking figuring it out. he's supposed to... know him. really know him. he's supposed to be better at understanding people. better at understanding the ones he loves, at least. better than he used to be.
derek takes the kiss without really reacting, just batting his eyes up and watching stiles sink into bed. he draws his legs up, lets him in more easily, and just... fidgets with the napkin around his sandwich. if he wasn't all that hungry before, he's certainly not now. he takes a bite all the same. ]
It's not stupid.
[ he's just - sorry he didn't pick this up sooner. the pb&j feels like cardboard in his mouth, but he takes another bite, dusts his fingers off on his shirt. he looks at stiles for a long little while, trying to decide if this is something to... stop talking about over text, but. maybe the distance helps. maybe the distance is why stiles talked to him about this in the first place. ]
Look - realistically - I know that being exclusive is difficult, in a place like this. This city is... forceful, and it's manipulative. Kate was the same. It's. It is what it is. I get it.
[ it's hard. and he hates it. but he - gets it. on some level. sort of. maybe he doesn't. fuck. he just feels like he's trying to be mature and realistic and sensible when he's not entirely sure he's capable of doing that. he types a few messages, erases them. he rolls on his side, so stiles can't see him type. ]
But I'm not... going to just... Sleep around. I don't want to do that. I want us to feel normal. If you... do anything with anyone... I won't hold it against you? I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, either. This city thrives on... on extenuating circumstances, and necessity, and things like that, to get people together. So. I just. No. I'm not going to just... fuck every person who finds me halfway attractive. Rosalind included. But if you end up... trapped in a fucking hotel room with someone, or... or held a gunpoint by another fucking Veracity soldier, or-- or even just... find yourself in a position where you feel like you have to do something with someone... I won't. Hate you. For that. I'll just hate the city.
[ christ this is hard. why the fuck did they play this game. he answers truth by, you know. doubling down on making shit difficult. ]
I know you keep a lot of worries to yourself. Things like this. Maybe things that happened back home. You shoulder shit. It's what you do. But. Is there anything I can do to... make you more comfortable with opening up to me about things that affect you?
no subject
derek takes the kiss without really reacting, just batting his eyes up and watching stiles sink into bed. he draws his legs up, lets him in more easily, and just... fidgets with the napkin around his sandwich. if he wasn't all that hungry before, he's certainly not now. he takes a bite all the same. ]
It's not stupid.
[ he's just - sorry he didn't pick this up sooner. the pb&j feels like cardboard in his mouth, but he takes another bite, dusts his fingers off on his shirt. he looks at stiles for a long little while, trying to decide if this is something to... stop talking about over text, but. maybe the distance helps. maybe the distance is why stiles talked to him about this in the first place. ]
Look - realistically - I know that being exclusive is difficult, in a place like this. This city is... forceful, and it's manipulative. Kate was the same.
It's. It is what it is. I get it.
[ it's hard. and he hates it. but he - gets it. on some level. sort of. maybe he doesn't. fuck. he just feels like he's trying to be mature and realistic and sensible when he's not entirely sure he's capable of doing that. he types a few messages, erases them. he rolls on his side, so stiles can't see him type. ]
But I'm not... going to just...
Sleep around. I don't want to do that. I want us to feel normal.
If you... do anything with anyone... I won't hold it against you? I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, either.
This city thrives on... on extenuating circumstances, and necessity, and things like that, to get people together.
So. I just.
No.
I'm not going to just... fuck every person who finds me halfway attractive. Rosalind included.
But if you end up... trapped in a fucking hotel room with someone, or... or held a gunpoint by another fucking Veracity soldier, or-- or even just... find yourself in a position where you feel like you have to do something with someone...
I won't. Hate you. For that.
I'll just hate the city.
[ christ this is hard. why the fuck did they play this game. he answers truth by, you know. doubling down on making shit difficult. ]
I know you keep a lot of worries to yourself. Things like this. Maybe things that happened back home.
You shoulder shit. It's what you do.
But.
Is there anything I can do to... make you more comfortable with opening up to me about things that affect you?