[ it's not derek's fault that he hasn't noticed, mostly because there really hasn't been anything to notice. stiles goes to work, where things are fine because he forces them to be, and then he leaves, and before there was a cat in their home there was a cat in the down, and he'd spend an hour after work just kind of - hanging out with it, feeding it while decompressing and letting go of all the bottled up tension and anxiety so he wouldn't bring it home.
it's been bothering him, but he also knows it's stupid, so it - hasn't been bothering him as much as it could if he were less aware. he doesn't think derek is the kind of person to sleep around, he doesn't think derek would do anything to intentionally hurt him. he understands the bullshit ways of this city, the choices people are and aren't given. it was stupid of stiles to ask, and the more he lays here reading through derek's texts, the more embarrassed he feels about the whole thing. god, way to look incredibly insecure.
and now derek thinks he's not comfortable talking to him. so that's great. this is cool. stiles should have just gotten out of bed and moved to the living room and forced himself to watch a movie and just let derek sleep. he sighs, and he turns onto his side to face derek, moving his legs so they touch derek's. the distance does kind of make it easier to just say shit without stumbling over his anxiety, but - he kind of doesn't like the physical distance right now, even if it's minimal. ]
I'm not uncomfortable opening up to you I swear I'm not, I promise I'm not Sometimes I just keep things to myself because I'm aware that whatever's on my mind is stupid. And I'm not saying that so you'll tell me it's not. I know I'm being stupid or paranoid sometimes and there's no point in stressing someone else out over a non-issue. Like this is a non-issue. I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. But all of that, everything you just said - that goes for you, too. I won't be mad at you if you're pushed into something, if you have to I don't know, mess around with someone else because this city is a nightmare. Just maybe don't tell me about it? Which I know is kind of selfish of me to ask I mean if you need to talk about something I want you to come to me, I always want you to come to me no matter what But if it's just to tell me that you did whatever with whoever and you liked it I'd just. Rather not know so I don't spend a million years feeling inadequate or whatever Hey this is really Can we go back Scent vs sCent Actually you should probably go back to sleep I didn't mean to wake you up I should have just written all of this in my journal and put on a movie in the living room
[ stiles sighs and tilts back over onto his back. he pulls his legs up so his knees are slightly bent, decides that's not comfortable and slides his legs back out, and then rolls again so he's on his stomach arms outstretched and his chin tucked between them, phone in his hands. ]
no subject
it's been bothering him, but he also knows it's stupid, so it - hasn't been bothering him as much as it could if he were less aware. he doesn't think derek is the kind of person to sleep around, he doesn't think derek would do anything to intentionally hurt him. he understands the bullshit ways of this city, the choices people are and aren't given. it was stupid of stiles to ask, and the more he lays here reading through derek's texts, the more embarrassed he feels about the whole thing. god, way to look incredibly insecure.
and now derek thinks he's not comfortable talking to him. so that's great. this is cool. stiles should have just gotten out of bed and moved to the living room and forced himself to watch a movie and just let derek sleep. he sighs, and he turns onto his side to face derek, moving his legs so they touch derek's. the distance does kind of make it easier to just say shit without stumbling over his anxiety, but - he kind of doesn't like the physical distance right now, even if it's minimal. ]
I'm not uncomfortable opening up to you
I swear I'm not, I promise I'm not
Sometimes I just keep things to myself because I'm aware that whatever's on my mind is stupid. And I'm not saying that so you'll tell me it's not. I know I'm being stupid or paranoid sometimes and there's no point in stressing someone else out over a non-issue.
Like this is a non-issue.
I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.
But all of that, everything you just said - that goes for you, too.
I won't be mad at you if you're pushed into something, if you have to
I don't know, mess around with someone else because this city is a nightmare.
Just maybe don't tell me about it? Which I know is kind of selfish of me to ask
I mean if you need to talk about something I want you to come to me, I always want you to come to me no matter what
But if it's just to tell me that you did whatever with whoever and you liked it
I'd just. Rather not know so I don't spend a million years feeling inadequate or whatever
Hey this is really
Can we go back Scent vs sCent
Actually you should probably go back to sleep
I didn't mean to wake you up
I should have just written all of this in my journal and put on a movie in the living room
[ stiles sighs and tilts back over onto his back. he pulls his legs up so his knees are slightly bent, decides that's not comfortable and slides his legs back out, and then rolls again so he's on his stomach arms outstretched and his chin tucked between them, phone in his hands. ]
Sorry. I love you.