[ these past few days since the escape from fort harmony have been - difficult, to say the least. the walls of derek's apartment feel tight and constricting, so much smaller and more confined than the massive, open hall of the barracks. the comfort of his bed and his sofa feel too yielding and almost fake after the hard and flat surfaces of the cot he'd gotten used to sleeping in and the burnt out shell of a house he had back home. it all just feels so... fenced in.
he feels caged, and being alone with nothing but his thoughts, his growing paranoia and the aches of his still healing arm, that hasn't helped him. he needs stiles. stiles makes him feel better, stiles makes him feel safe, stiles is the closest thing he has to a pack, and derek's been missing him pretty fucking hard since they've been back. he's not used to sleeping alone. he thought he was, after all those months in beacon hills living in the dirt and the dust, but a few nights with stiles completely changed that. he's lonely. of course stiles can crash here. stiles could fucking live here, if he wanted. ]
Yeah.
[ but derek can't... extend an invitation like that. he can only accept, all while hiding his eagerness. they both need their independence, and latching onto someone just because they make you feel better is kind of pathetic. he's not sixteen years old anymore. shouldn't be so difficult for him to be alone when he's had so many years to get used to it. ]
[ sleeping was easier before derek, and even then it wasn't easy. sleep was something he ran from and something he chased, afraid he would wake up somewhere else like he had when his designation had been swapped without his consent, but constantly tired and itching for a reprieve from - everything, really, if only for a few hours.
having derek next to him had made him feel more comfortable and more safe than stiles has felt in a long time. it had been easy to fall asleep and stay asleep, easy to press into the solid warmth of derek along his side or against his back. even having derek in his bed, falling asleep while dinosaurs ran rampant around isla nublar, had brought to stiles an odd sort of ease.
now his bed just feels - cold, really. cold and too small and too big all at the same time. his pathetic excuse of an apartment feels emptier than ever, which doesn't make sense because nothing has really changed there - his room mate was barely living there before, and hakkyuu still hardly exists here now, which is fine, stiles doesn't care. but it feels lonelier somehow.
stiles breathes a quiet sigh of relief when derek accepts. not that he had been expecting derek to tell him no, out of spite or the desire to be alone or whatever else, but stiles had... maybe actually been expecting the worst. and that would have been okay, but derek says yes and stiles breathes a little easier.
he's missed derek. even though he's spoken to him at least once a day since they've been back, even if he's seen him during the day for however briefly, stiles has still missed him. ]
Yeah, okay. I'll probably come by after six? I'm helping Rosalind in like an hour but I should be done by like four, five at the latest but then I gotta go home and shower after, so. After six, if that's cool. How's your arm?
[ it's an invitation, not... a demand, or anything like that. tate said not too long ago that derek really seems to act like his role as a dom, and that's been weighing on him a little. the last thing he wants is for stiles to feel as if derek's giving him an order. or something. he rushes to clarify. ]
If you want to. You don't have to. But. You know. If you want to swing by sooner, you can. My shower's got decent heat and actual water pressure, so. It'd be okay. You wouldn't be intruding. I'd like the extra time with you.
[ cool, now he feels like he's overcompensating. like he's trying too hard, or acting desperate. derek rubs the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, adding pressure until he sees spots. he's tired, he can't think straight. he just wants to see stiles already.
i'm helping rosalind bothers him. he wants to ask questions, find out if this is "payment", find out what that payment's for. but he can't. not when stiles is asking about his arm, and not when derek worries about saying the wrong thing and influencing him to change his mind and not come over. he just... lets it slide, focuses on the question. ]
It's fine. It's an arm. It's not like I've never been shot before, Stiles.
If I want to. Are you kidding? The showers in my building suuuuck. I'd pay someone for better water pressure and more than thirty seconds of hot water if anyone would actually take my frickin money. I'll let you know when I'm leaving Rosalind's.
And just because you've been shot before doesn't mean I'm suddenly not gonna ask if you're okay. I was concerned the last time too. Granted I was looking at the possibility of having to saw a limb off so that may not have come across all that much but still. I'll take your sass to mean it's not all gross and infected and you're not at risk of dying. Cool.
Okay, well. Calm down. It's a shower, not a signed figure of Han Solo. You don't have to ask, if you ever want to use it. Anything in my apartment is yours.
[ including derek, probably, but whatever, moving on. ]
You're gross and infected, first of all. Secondly - I'm fine. Honestly. As in, actually fine. You don't have to worry. I'm regenerating fast. Healing process is working again. It still hurts, and I can't sleep on my side, but it's not like I've been sleeping much anyway. Kind of feel like I should buy a cot for my room. I grew accustomed to how difficult those nights were on my back.
Listen, mountain main. Some of us appreciate a nice, hot shower more than others. Forgive me for being excited that I won't have to spend thirty minutes standing in the equivalent of a cold sneeze just to feel clean. No takebacks, by the way. That shower is mine now.
Okay, well good. That you're fine, I mean, not that you haven't been sleeping. You're welcome to try out my bed. It's thin and lumpy and comes with the added bonus of a spring in your back at least 50% of the time! For free. You can't beat free. 2/10, would recommend for a rough night's sleep. No but seriously though. Being back feels weird And that's kind of fucked up, isn't it? We slept better in a makeshift prison than we do in actual beds now. What a joke.
[ alright he's going to stop relying on that particular style of burn. but. there is something kind of hollowing in what stiles says; that prison was a fucked up place, people died, every day felt miserable and hellish and scary, except for the days when it didn't, when derek was drugged and angry and violent. he should be sleeping so much better, now that he's away from it.
maybe he just needs some time to get used to being back. but it's been... a week, and that hasn't happened, not even slightly. he could blame it on the bullet wound, but he knows that's not the problem. ]
I just got used to you being there. So... Maybe I should buy a scarecrow to sleep with. They're long and skinny and weird-looking, just like you. I'd have to sharpie on a few moles and dress it up in some ratty plaid, sure, but once I did? Wouldn't even be able to tell you're gone.
This is doing wonders for my self-esteem. Really, please, keep going. Hopefully your little scarecrow buddy doesn't go all Wizard of Oz and start wishing for a brain, because he'd up and leave you the second he got one on account of, I don't know You're an idiot. Besides, I know that was supposed to be an insult But you like long and skinny and Stiles-looking Don't try to say you don't because you wouldn't be talking about buying a subpar (oh, sub joke) replacement if you didn't.
I was gonna offer to keep one side of your bed warm just to see if that helps
[ no he wasn't, but now he's being bold ]
But I'd much rather watch you cuddle the equivalent of an anime body pillow that you dressed up to look like me. I can't wait. Can you get your little scarecrow boyfriend before I finish at Rosalind's? You've got like 3ish hours.
Maybe if he gets a brain he'll be able to come up with a better insult than "if your scarecrow version of me has a brain he'll leave you because you're an idiot". But. You're right. I do like long and skinny and Stiles-looking.
[ a pause. he recognizes that boldness for what it is, and derek isn't the most self-aware guy, at times, but he knows himself enough to realize he was actively fishing for something like this. a way to... break into inviting stiles into bed again. he just has to play it cool, hide how much he needs this. ]
I'm not actually invested enough in this insult to make it a reality. Sorry. No Stiles effigy to cuddle and blow my load on when I can't fall asleep. But. You can take my bed. When you're here. If you want to. I can sleep on the couch. Or... wherever.
[ hmmm. hmmmm. stiles chews the inside of his cheek, thumbs drawing out little circles in the air above his phone screen. firstly, derek is not allowed to talk about blowing his load on some stiles lookalike because that's not fair and also it takes him back to the barracks for a second and it makes his skin a little warm. secondly.
secondly. ]
That's stupid. I thought the whole point was that you got used to sharing a bed with me. What's sleeping on the couch gonna solve?
[ a beat. that little typing bubble pops up and disappears a few times. just panicking a little, everything's fine. everything's stupid. ]
But I mean I could also sleep on the couch instead? It's your apartment. Or if you want to crash on the couch, that's cool too. I'm not the boss of you. But you don't have to. The beds in those apartments are pretty big from what I remember.
[ derek's trying to be pretty honest about missing stiles at night, even if he is masking that confession under layers and layers of friendly hostility and mild insults. but. when stiles pushes back and acts like he misses him too, that makes derek... nervous. pleased, but - nervous. ]
I'm not the boss of you, either. I mean - I am, sometimes. When I'm right, and you're wrong, and you're being too stupid and simple-minded to realize that I might know better than you. Which is often. But.
I don't want to feel like I'm the dom and you're the sub. I don't want to feel like I'm giving you orders because we have a contract. I want you to take my bed, because it's the most comfortable place to crash in my apartment, and. I can sleep on the floor, or the couch, or with you. But I'm not going to pull the bullet on... deciding between those options, because I don't want to feel like I'm ordering you to sleep beside me just because I miss you.
I don't know if you know this yet, but I'm usually always right. Like 95% of the time I actually know what I'm talking about 4% of the time I'm still right, I just don't have solid evidence to support whatever I'm right about. The other 1% is when I helped get you arrested that one time but everyone gets one.
[ anyway, not important. stiles shakes one of his hands out and flexes his fingers for a moment to expel some nervous energy. good nervous energy, because derek misses him, and that's nice, because stiles has been missing him too, and it feels good to know that that's not unrequited.
if anything, it gives him a little more confidence to be more forward and honest, even if it makes his stomach feel a little fluttery. ]
We're Derek and Stiles, remember? We signed that contract as Derek and Stiles first, dom and sub second. If I didn't want to share the bed with you, I wouldn't. But if you're worried about feeling like you're ordering me around Not just about this, but I mean in general Just ask me about whatever or if I want to do whatever? I'm not afraid to tell you no when I'm not okay with something
And for the record, I haven't been sleeping well either My bed is smaller than that cot and it still feels too big now I got used to you being next to me too. So if it's not already obvious I'll just say it: I'd really, really like it if you didn't sleep on the floor or the couch or anywhere else And slept next to me instead Because I miss that. Because I miss you too.
I didn't realize we were at a place where we could joke about my arrest.
[ ... he's just saying that to troll a little, because he actually doesn't feel as much resentment over the arrest as he did a few months ago. actually, he doesn't feel much resentment at all. having had the time to really get to know stiles a little better since his arrival, it's hard to hold a grudge against him for that, especially after stiles has actively apologized for his role in everything. stiles was young and overwhelmed and did the only thing a cop's kid would do to protect the people he cared about, and derek hadn't exactly made trusting him easy. he gets it.
which he should tell stiles. or at least allude to it. instead of acting offended. fuck, okay, hold on. ]
It's fine. The arrest. I know we've already talked about it, but. It's seriously okay. I'm not mad. Might be mad at you when I go back home and you're back to being stupid and twelve years old, but. Not mad at you now.
[ and... a delay, now that he's bought some time before hitting the part of stiles' message that makes his chest stir and his throat feel a little tight. when was the last time someone missed him? really, genuinely missed him. maybe that's... never actually happened before. give him a second. ]
Okay. I mean - that's what I'm trying to do. Ask you how you feel. I'm doing that poorly, but I'm still... doing that. So. Bed. Then. Soon. If you want. Which you do. As well. Also. Like me.
I mean, it's not fine. It was never fine. But I get what you're saying. Also shut up? If anyone's stupid and twelve years old, it's definitely you.
[ but. stiles doesn't actually want to think about what's going to happen when they're dismissed and sent back home, whenever that may be. derek certainly won't be there, which is. it doesn't matter, he's not thinking about it.
laughing at derek's very obvious awkwardness is a much better plan. ugh, it's.... cute. u g h. gross. ]
Relax, it's just a bed, not an original copy of Romeo and Juliet.
[ yeah, take that. that's what you get for making fun of him for being excited about a shower. ]
Do you want to order pizza or something? Burgers? Literally anything? It's tuna fish in the caf today and I'm not all that thrilled about the potential for food poisoning, so. I have cash if you want to order out, I can pay half Or you can pay half with my money, whatever.
I'm older than you. You're years ahead of me, and I'm still older than you. You're twelve? You're so twelve. Stupid little baby. Crying and shitting in your diapers all day. That's you. Big pissy baby shitty diapers boy.
[ anyway. the romeo and juliet burn is a good one. he's not going to acknowledge that, because stiles is a diaper baby, but he does take a second to appreciate the fact that stiles keeps using shakespeare against him. just because - it means - he knows him? it's a nice feeling. one that derek still isn't used to. it really has been a long time since he's had, like. a friend.
or whatever it is they are. ]
I was going to pick something up. I'm hosting. I should take care of food. You promised that I could bring you food, sometimes. We never got a chance to really do that. So. Leave it to me. And then. When you host. You can take care of food. You know, if I ever feel like sleeping in a roach-infested parasite-riddled murder-den. That seems fair.
Sounds like something a twelve year old would say.
[ but listen. stiles only keeps falling back on romeo and juliet and shakespeare in general because he's still kind of... fascinated? impressed, maybe. he never would have pegged derek as someone who'd be into shakespeare, but - well, he probably did have a semi-normal life, before kate burned everything down around him. he was a normal kid once, a kid that tragedy hadn't touched yet.
stiles teases, but he doesn't mean any actual harm. ]
Last time I tried to feed you when you were at my place you dumped my crackers on the bed and refused to split a sandwich with me. Like a big picky baby. Like a picky twelve year old. You're a terrible dinner guest. See if I ever invite you over to eat again. Anyway, I'm cool with whatever you want to pick up. Literally anything, I'm not picky. Wait, you're gonna pick up something super weird if I say that just to be an ass. I'm cool with most non-weird things. As long as there's no celery in anything I'm good.
[ because he's a human with a food allergy. go humans. ]
You would know. Being twelve. And being stupid. And twelve.
[ fucking checkmate. stiles calls him out on his tablemanners and he doesn't have a solid rebuttal to that, other than a hard sigh and a roll of his eyes, which won't really do anything over text. he realizes, suddenly, that he's smiling. first time he's smiled all week. ]
You're so annoying. I don't like you. I don't know how anyone could ever like you. Fine. There'll be minimal celery. Maybe. If I remember.
[ that should be enough - they've probably talked more than they needed to already. derek should just shut his phone off, let stiles get ready for rosalind. ... bbbut.
he... still misses him. ]
Can we keep talking until you're at Rosalind's? About. Anything. I don't care.
In those two years you've got on me, did I ever make good on that promise to punch you in the face? Because - I mean - I still could. As soon as you get here. Really knock some of those teeth loose.
[ okay this isn't how you talk to a friend. can't tell stiles they're friends and then threaten to punch his teeth out two days later. he's still not good at being on his best behaviour apparently. ]
I can deal with bitching. Celery pizza it is. What are you doing at Rosalind's? Other than forcing yourself to stomach whatever obnoxious, horrible bullshit her terrible personality is putting you through.
[ also he doesn't like rosalind. or, well, no, she's fine, but he's actively committed to disliking her even though he doesn't need to be. ]
You've shoved my face into a wall? Pretty sure that's basically the same thing. Punch me in the face though and I swear to God, I'll punch you in your bad arm SO hard.
Haha, wow. Somehow I'm not surprised at all that you and Rosalind don't get along. What'd she say to you that pissed you off so much?
Anyway, I'm kind of her assistant? Like it's not an official title or anything, but I spend an hour or two with her like twice a week and help with whatever it is she's working on. Or try to help, sometimes I'm just there to hand her things when she asks for them. She helps me out, so I help her out too.
[ because that's the payment system they agreed upon when he asked for her help in making shady lab adderall, but. details. ]
[ that's-- wow, that shouldn't affect him the way it does. shoves his face into a wall? that's... oh. that's something. derek doesn't... uh... wow, jeez, is it hot in here? did someone fuck with his apartment's thermostat, or something? yikes yikes yikes. he decides to not... comment... on... that. yeah. moving on. ]
A lot of things. I don't like her. I was an idiot. Told her I was a werewolf. Shouldn't have done that. But she said she knew you. I thought you trusted each other. I was kind of screwed up from the fort. Thought it'd be okay. Wasn't. She called me "werewolf." Like that. Like - werewolf. She told me about... synthetic blood. For vampires. That she made. Didn't seem to understand why I thought one person controlling a food source for an entire population of people that could turn violent without it seemed like something to be wary of. I don't know. I don't trust her.
[ not that he trusts anyone. rosalind isn't half as bad as he's making it out to be, but. he's embarrassed about letting his guard down, so he's going to assume the worst about her until they work it out. maybe. it's stupid. this whole thing is stupid. derek is stupid. ]
She said you were her assistant. Said she made something for you. Wouldn't tell me what, when I asked. Which is fine. I shouldn't be snooping around in your life. Old habits.
She told me that you told her. I didn't ask why or anything. I just figured you knew what you were doing Even if that seems like, I dunno, the worst idea on the planet. She's good people though, even if you don't like her.
[ stiles pauses for a second after dropping some socks into his backpack. he scratches at his jaw, debates whether or not he should provide this next bit of information. in the end, he decides it's okay, because rosalind met him in public and wasn't making any attempt to hide what she is. ]
Besides, she's a vampire now. I guess. So I don't think you have to worry about her having some aversion to supernatural creatures. I mean unless you plan to have some kind of cheesy Twilight showdown or whatever.
She wouldn't tell you because it wouldn't be professional of her. And she's really big on being professional and presenting a certain image Trust me, she ripped me apart once for the way I dress. But that much is true, that she makes something for me. I don't actually know if you know this? But I have ADHD. I take Adderall for it, but I don't really feel good about getting it from the city. So we make it in her lab on the down low. It took us a while to get it right First batch made me super sick actually. But we got it right and now it's easy, if time consuming.
[ he can't justify his choice to talk, really. he spent his entire life hiding what he is, because whenever he didn't, people died. paige, his family. but then he became an alpha, and then he lost his pack, and then he was scrambling for power and security in the fort through every avenue he could find, and then he met rosalind, who worked with stiles and seemed to trust him, so he didn't peg her as a threat, and he thought... maybe if he had just said yeah, i'm an alpha, i'm a werewolf, i'm big and i'm tough and i'm scary and i'm strong, he would have felt the way he was supposed to? in control.
but he didn't. she just made him feel like an idiot, because that's how he was acting, and he feels stupid every time he thinks about it, and that's why he doesn't like her. but he can't say that to stiles. and he can't say that to rosalind. he just has to dig his heels in, act tough. wait until he finds a way to dislike himself less for his mistakes. which, you know. good luck. ]
Anyway. Yeah. You're right. I've never heard of a self-loathing vampire before. I've never heard of a self-loathing supernatural creature before, for that matter. Totally trust her, now. Nailed it. Rift mended. (And you do dress pretty poorly.)
[ a pause. ]
Sorry. ADHD. I should have known that. Should have rummaged around in your bedroom more. I always just thought you were kind of a spaz. I didn't realize.
[ wait, that's a shitty apology. eh, it's fine, stiles probably knows what he means. more importantly: ]
Look, all I'm saying is that she's probably not going to try to kill an entire species by poisoning their food source considering it's also her food source, now. You don't have to trust her. I really don't care if you do. But I trust her, and you can trust me. But also, screw your opinion? My clothes are fine. You wear a henley and super tight jeans like, all the time. I don't think you have any room to talk to me about how I dress, you walking GAP Ad.
Nothing really happened, I just got really headachey and threw up like four times in a trashcan. Not my finest moment.
I do trust you. More than anyone, actually. It's just a lot of power for one person to have. I keep thinking of ways it could be abused. Addiction. Blackmail What if she didn't fuck up that first batch of adderall? What if she's secretly been working on some kind of... like... really potent poison this entire time, and she used you as a prototype to test how it would affect humans... so that she could adjust it for vampires... or something? You never know. Don't tell me I'm wrong. It's not impossible. She's smart. She could be an evil mastermind. You don't know.
[ kate would have poisoned the shit out of vampires if she were in charge of their food supply, so. yeah. this actually doesn't have anything to do with rosalind, it turns out. anyway. wow, let's move on from that, too. ]
Whatever. Anyway. You literally just called me a model. Wow, I'm so offended.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he feels caged, and being alone with nothing but his thoughts, his growing paranoia and the aches of his still healing arm, that hasn't helped him. he needs stiles. stiles makes him feel better, stiles makes him feel safe, stiles is the closest thing he has to a pack, and derek's been missing him pretty fucking hard since they've been back. he's not used to sleeping alone. he thought he was, after all those months in beacon hills living in the dirt and the dust, but a few nights with stiles completely changed that. he's lonely. of course stiles can crash here. stiles could fucking live here, if he wanted. ]
Yeah.
[ but derek can't... extend an invitation like that. he can only accept, all while hiding his eagerness. they both need their independence, and latching onto someone just because they make you feel better is kind of pathetic. he's not sixteen years old anymore. shouldn't be so difficult for him to be alone when he's had so many years to get used to it. ]
Please.
no subject
having derek next to him had made him feel more comfortable and more safe than stiles has felt in a long time. it had been easy to fall asleep and stay asleep, easy to press into the solid warmth of derek along his side or against his back. even having derek in his bed, falling asleep while dinosaurs ran rampant around isla nublar, had brought to stiles an odd sort of ease.
now his bed just feels - cold, really. cold and too small and too big all at the same time. his pathetic excuse of an apartment feels emptier than ever, which doesn't make sense because nothing has really changed there - his room mate was barely living there before, and hakkyuu still hardly exists here now, which is fine, stiles doesn't care. but it feels lonelier somehow.
stiles breathes a quiet sigh of relief when derek accepts. not that he had been expecting derek to tell him no, out of spite or the desire to be alone or whatever else, but stiles had... maybe actually been expecting the worst. and that would have been okay, but derek says yes and stiles breathes a little easier.
he's missed derek. even though he's spoken to him at least once a day since they've been back, even if he's seen him during the day for however briefly, stiles has still missed him. ]
Yeah, okay.
I'll probably come by after six?
I'm helping Rosalind in like an hour but I should be done by like four, five at the latest but then I gotta go home and shower after, so.
After six, if that's cool.
How's your arm?
no subject
[ it's an invitation, not... a demand, or anything like that. tate said not too long ago that derek really seems to act like his role as a dom, and that's been weighing on him a little. the last thing he wants is for stiles to feel as if derek's giving him an order. or something. he rushes to clarify. ]
If you want to. You don't have to.
But. You know. If you want to swing by sooner, you can. My shower's got decent heat and actual water pressure, so.
It'd be okay. You wouldn't be intruding.
I'd like the extra time with you.
[ cool, now he feels like he's overcompensating. like he's trying too hard, or acting desperate. derek rubs the corners of his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, adding pressure until he sees spots. he's tired, he can't think straight. he just wants to see stiles already.
i'm helping rosalind bothers him. he wants to ask questions, find out if this is "payment", find out what that payment's for. but he can't. not when stiles is asking about his arm, and not when derek worries about saying the wrong thing and influencing him to change his mind and not come over. he just... lets it slide, focuses on the question. ]
It's fine. It's an arm.
It's not like I've never been shot before, Stiles.
no subject
Are you kidding? The showers in my building suuuuck.
I'd pay someone for better water pressure and more than thirty seconds of hot water if anyone would actually take my frickin money.
I'll let you know when I'm leaving Rosalind's.
And just because you've been shot before doesn't mean I'm suddenly not gonna ask if you're okay.
I was concerned the last time too.
Granted I was looking at the possibility of having to saw a limb off so that may not have come across all that much but still.
I'll take your sass to mean it's not all gross and infected and you're not at risk of dying.
Cool.
no subject
You don't have to ask, if you ever want to use it. Anything in my apartment is yours.
[ including derek, probably, but whatever, moving on. ]
You're gross and infected, first of all.
Secondly -
I'm fine. Honestly. As in, actually fine. You don't have to worry.
I'm regenerating fast. Healing process is working again.
It still hurts, and I can't sleep on my side, but it's not like I've been sleeping much anyway.
Kind of feel like I should buy a cot for my room. I grew accustomed to how difficult those nights were on my back.
no subject
Some of us appreciate a nice, hot shower more than others.
Forgive me for being excited that I won't have to spend thirty minutes standing in the equivalent of a cold sneeze just to feel clean.
No takebacks, by the way. That shower is mine now.
Okay, well good.
That you're fine, I mean, not that you haven't been sleeping.
You're welcome to try out my bed.
It's thin and lumpy and comes with the added bonus of a spring in your back at least 50% of the time! For free. You can't beat free.
2/10, would recommend for a rough night's sleep.
No but seriously though.
Being back feels weird
And that's kind of fucked up, isn't it?
We slept better in a makeshift prison than we do in actual beds now.
What a joke.
no subject
[ alright he's going to stop relying on that particular style of burn. but. there is something kind of hollowing in what stiles says; that prison was a fucked up place, people died, every day felt miserable and hellish and scary, except for the days when it didn't, when derek was drugged and angry and violent. he should be sleeping so much better, now that he's away from it.
maybe he just needs some time to get used to being back. but it's been... a week, and that hasn't happened, not even slightly. he could blame it on the bullet wound, but he knows that's not the problem. ]
I just got used to you being there. So...
Maybe I should buy a scarecrow to sleep with. They're long and skinny and weird-looking, just like you.
I'd have to sharpie on a few moles and dress it up in some ratty plaid, sure, but once I did? Wouldn't even be able to tell you're gone.
no subject
Really, please, keep going.
Hopefully your little scarecrow buddy doesn't go all Wizard of Oz and start wishing for a brain, because he'd up and leave you the second he got one on account of, I don't know
You're an idiot.
Besides, I know that was supposed to be an insult
But you like long and skinny and Stiles-looking
Don't try to say you don't because you wouldn't be talking about buying a subpar (oh, sub joke) replacement if you didn't.
I was gonna offer to keep one side of your bed warm just to see if that helps
[ no he wasn't, but now he's being bold ]
But I'd much rather watch you cuddle the equivalent of an anime body pillow that you dressed up to look like me.
I can't wait.
Can you get your little scarecrow boyfriend before I finish at Rosalind's?
You've got like 3ish hours.
no subject
But.
You're right.
I do like long and skinny and Stiles-looking.
[ a pause. he recognizes that boldness for what it is, and derek isn't the most self-aware guy, at times, but he knows himself enough to realize he was actively fishing for something like this. a way to... break into inviting stiles into bed again. he just has to play it cool, hide how much he needs this. ]
I'm not actually invested enough in this insult to make it a reality. Sorry. No Stiles effigy to cuddle and blow my load on when I can't fall asleep.
But.
You can take my bed. When you're here. If you want to.
I can sleep on the couch. Or... wherever.
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secondly. ]
That's stupid.
I thought the whole point was that you got used to sharing a bed with me.
What's sleeping on the couch gonna solve?
[ a beat. that little typing bubble pops up and disappears a few times. just panicking a little, everything's fine. everything's stupid. ]
But I mean I could also sleep on the couch instead?
It's your apartment.
Or if you want to crash on the couch, that's cool too.
I'm not the boss of you.
But you don't have to.
The beds in those apartments are pretty big from what I remember.
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I'm not the boss of you, either.
I mean - I am, sometimes. When I'm right, and you're wrong, and you're being too stupid and simple-minded to realize that I might know better than you. Which is often.
But.
I don't want to feel like I'm the dom and you're the sub. I don't want to feel like I'm giving you orders because we have a contract.
I want you to take my bed, because it's the most comfortable place to crash in my apartment, and. I can sleep on the floor, or the couch, or with you.
But I'm not going to pull the bullet on... deciding between those options, because I don't want to feel like I'm ordering you to sleep beside me just because I miss you.
[ so. yeah. ]
Which I do.
To be clear.
Miss you.
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Like 95% of the time I actually know what I'm talking about
4% of the time I'm still right, I just don't have solid evidence to support whatever I'm right about.
The other 1% is when I helped get you arrested that one time but everyone gets one.
[ anyway, not important. stiles shakes one of his hands out and flexes his fingers for a moment to expel some nervous energy. good nervous energy, because derek misses him, and that's nice, because stiles has been missing him too, and it feels good to know that that's not unrequited.
if anything, it gives him a little more confidence to be more forward and honest, even if it makes his stomach feel a little fluttery. ]
We're Derek and Stiles, remember?
We signed that contract as Derek and Stiles first, dom and sub second.
If I didn't want to share the bed with you, I wouldn't.
But if you're worried about feeling like you're ordering me around
Not just about this, but I mean in general
Just ask me about whatever or if I want to do whatever?
I'm not afraid to tell you no when I'm not okay with something
And for the record, I haven't been sleeping well either
My bed is smaller than that cot and it still feels too big now
I got used to you being next to me too.
So if it's not already obvious I'll just say it:
I'd really, really like it if you didn't sleep on the floor or the couch or anywhere else
And slept next to me instead
Because I miss that.
Because I miss you too.
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[ ... he's just saying that to troll a little, because he actually doesn't feel as much resentment over the arrest as he did a few months ago. actually, he doesn't feel much resentment at all. having had the time to really get to know stiles a little better since his arrival, it's hard to hold a grudge against him for that, especially after stiles has actively apologized for his role in everything. stiles was young and overwhelmed and did the only thing a cop's kid would do to protect the people he cared about, and derek hadn't exactly made trusting him easy. he gets it.
which he should tell stiles. or at least allude to it. instead of acting offended. fuck, okay, hold on. ]
It's fine. The arrest.
I know we've already talked about it, but. It's seriously okay. I'm not mad.
Might be mad at you when I go back home and you're back to being stupid and twelve years old, but. Not mad at you now.
[ and... a delay, now that he's bought some time before hitting the part of stiles' message that makes his chest stir and his throat feel a little tight. when was the last time someone missed him? really, genuinely missed him. maybe that's... never actually happened before. give him a second. ]
Okay.
I mean - that's what I'm trying to do.
Ask you how you feel.
I'm doing that poorly, but I'm still... doing that. So.
Bed. Then.
Soon.
If you want. Which you do. As well. Also. Like me.
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It was never fine.
But I get what you're saying.
Also shut up?
If anyone's stupid and twelve years old, it's definitely you.
[ but. stiles doesn't actually want to think about what's going to happen when they're dismissed and sent back home, whenever that may be. derek certainly won't be there, which is. it doesn't matter, he's not thinking about it.
laughing at derek's very obvious awkwardness is a much better plan. ugh, it's.... cute. u g h. gross. ]
Relax, it's just a bed, not an original copy of Romeo and Juliet.
[ yeah, take that. that's what you get for making fun of him for being excited about a shower. ]
Do you want to order pizza or something?
Burgers? Literally anything?
It's tuna fish in the caf today and I'm not all that thrilled about the potential for food poisoning, so.
I have cash if you want to order out, I can pay half
Or you can pay half with my money, whatever.
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You're twelve? You're so twelve. Stupid little baby. Crying and shitting in your diapers all day. That's you. Big pissy baby shitty diapers boy.
[ anyway. the romeo and juliet burn is a good one. he's not going to acknowledge that, because stiles is a diaper baby, but he does take a second to appreciate the fact that stiles keeps using shakespeare against him. just because - it means - he knows him? it's a nice feeling. one that derek still isn't used to. it really has been a long time since he's had, like. a friend.
or whatever it is they are. ]
I was going to pick something up.
I'm hosting. I should take care of food. You promised that I could bring you food, sometimes. We never got a chance to really do that.
So. Leave it to me.
And then. When you host. You can take care of food.
You know, if I ever feel like sleeping in a roach-infested parasite-riddled murder-den.
That seems fair.
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[ but listen. stiles only keeps falling back on romeo and juliet and shakespeare in general because he's still kind of... fascinated? impressed, maybe. he never would have pegged derek as someone who'd be into shakespeare, but - well, he probably did have a semi-normal life, before kate burned everything down around him. he was a normal kid once, a kid that tragedy hadn't touched yet.
stiles teases, but he doesn't mean any actual harm. ]
Last time I tried to feed you when you were at my place you dumped my crackers on the bed and refused to split a sandwich with me.
Like a big picky baby.
Like a picky twelve year old.
You're a terrible dinner guest.
See if I ever invite you over to eat again.
Anyway, I'm cool with whatever you want to pick up.
Literally anything, I'm not picky.
Wait, you're gonna pick up something super weird if I say that just to be an ass.
I'm cool with most non-weird things.
As long as there's no celery in anything I'm good.
[ because he's a human with a food allergy. go humans. ]
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[ fucking checkmate. stiles calls him out on his tablemanners and he doesn't have a solid rebuttal to that, other than a hard sigh and a roll of his eyes, which won't really do anything over text. he realizes, suddenly, that he's smiling. first time he's smiled all week. ]
You're so annoying. I don't like you. I don't know how anyone could ever like you.
Fine. There'll be minimal celery. Maybe. If I remember.
[ that should be enough - they've probably talked more than they needed to already. derek should just shut his phone off, let stiles get ready for rosalind. ... bbbut.
he... still misses him. ]
Can we keep talking until you're at Rosalind's?
About. Anything. I don't care.
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You like me. so. much.
I'm the best. Everyone likes me.
[ false, but stiles isn't taking himself seriously at all.]
Zero celery or you're eating alone.
That, or you deal with me bitching at you when I get hives and super nauseated.
You pick.
We can keep talking, yeah.
I'm just packing a bag
For later
So I don't have to backtrack
Talk.
I want to talk about whatever you want to talk about.
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Because - I mean - I still could. As soon as you get here.
Really knock some of those teeth loose.
[ okay this isn't how you talk to a friend. can't tell stiles they're friends and then threaten to punch his teeth out two days later. he's still not good at being on his best behaviour apparently. ]
I can deal with bitching. Celery pizza it is.
What are you doing at Rosalind's?
Other than forcing yourself to stomach whatever obnoxious, horrible bullshit her terrible personality is putting you through.
[ also he doesn't like rosalind. or, well, no, she's fine, but he's actively committed to disliking her even though he doesn't need to be. ]
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Pretty sure that's basically the same thing.
Punch me in the face though and I swear to God, I'll punch you in your bad arm SO hard.
Haha, wow.
Somehow I'm not surprised at all that you and Rosalind don't get along.
What'd she say to you that pissed you off so much?
Anyway, I'm kind of her assistant?
Like it's not an official title or anything, but I spend an hour or two with her like twice a week and help with whatever it is she's working on.
Or try to help, sometimes I'm just there to hand her things when she asks for them.
She helps me out, so I help her out too.
[ because that's the payment system they agreed upon when he asked for her help in making shady lab adderall, but. details. ]
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A lot of things. I don't like her.
I was an idiot. Told her I was a werewolf. Shouldn't have done that.
But she said she knew you. I thought you trusted each other. I was kind of screwed up from the fort. Thought it'd be okay.
Wasn't. She called me "werewolf." Like that. Like - werewolf.
She told me about... synthetic blood. For vampires. That she made. Didn't seem to understand why I thought one person controlling a food source for an entire population of people that could turn violent without it seemed like something to be wary of.
I don't know.
I don't trust her.
[ not that he trusts anyone. rosalind isn't half as bad as he's making it out to be, but. he's embarrassed about letting his guard down, so he's going to assume the worst about her until they work it out. maybe. it's stupid. this whole thing is stupid. derek is stupid. ]
She said you were her assistant.
Said she made something for you.
Wouldn't tell me what, when I asked.
Which is fine.
I shouldn't be snooping around in your life.
Old habits.
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I didn't ask why or anything.
I just figured you knew what you were doing
Even if that seems like, I dunno, the worst idea on the planet.
She's good people though, even if you don't like her.
[ stiles pauses for a second after dropping some socks into his backpack. he scratches at his jaw, debates whether or not he should provide this next bit of information. in the end, he decides it's okay, because rosalind met him in public and wasn't making any attempt to hide what she is. ]
Besides, she's a vampire now. I guess.
So I don't think you have to worry about her having some aversion to supernatural creatures.
I mean unless you plan to have some kind of cheesy Twilight showdown or whatever.
She wouldn't tell you because it wouldn't be professional of her.
And she's really big on being professional and presenting a certain image
Trust me, she ripped me apart once for the way I dress.
But that much is true, that she makes something for me.
I don't actually know if you know this? But I have ADHD.
I take Adderall for it, but I don't really feel good about getting it from the city.
So we make it in her lab on the down low.
It took us a while to get it right
First batch made me super sick actually.
But we got it right and now it's easy, if time consuming.
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[ he can't justify his choice to talk, really. he spent his entire life hiding what he is, because whenever he didn't, people died. paige, his family. but then he became an alpha, and then he lost his pack, and then he was scrambling for power and security in the fort through every avenue he could find, and then he met rosalind, who worked with stiles and seemed to trust him, so he didn't peg her as a threat, and he thought... maybe if he had just said yeah, i'm an alpha, i'm a werewolf, i'm big and i'm tough and i'm scary and i'm strong, he would have felt the way he was supposed to? in control.
but he didn't. she just made him feel like an idiot, because that's how he was acting, and he feels stupid every time he thinks about it, and that's why he doesn't like her. but he can't say that to stiles. and he can't say that to rosalind. he just has to dig his heels in, act tough. wait until he finds a way to dislike himself less for his mistakes. which, you know. good luck. ]
Anyway.
Yeah.
You're right. I've never heard of a self-loathing vampire before. I've never heard of a self-loathing supernatural creature before, for that matter.
Totally trust her, now. Nailed it. Rift mended.
(And you do dress pretty poorly.)
[ a pause. ]
Sorry. ADHD. I should have known that. Should have rummaged around in your bedroom more.
I always just thought you were kind of a spaz. I didn't realize.
[ wait, that's a shitty apology. eh, it's fine, stiles probably knows what he means. more importantly: ]
What do you mean "super sick"? What happened?
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You don't have to trust her.
I really don't care if you do.
But I trust her, and you can trust me.
But also, screw your opinion?
My clothes are fine.
You wear a henley and super tight jeans like, all the time.
I don't think you have any room to talk to me about how I dress, you walking GAP Ad.
Nothing really happened, I just got really headachey and threw up like four times in a trashcan.
Not my finest moment.
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It's just a lot of power for one person to have. I keep thinking of ways it could be abused.
Addiction. Blackmail
What if she didn't fuck up that first batch of adderall? What if she's secretly been working on some kind of... like... really potent poison this entire time, and she used you as a prototype to test how it would affect humans... so that she could adjust it for vampires... or something?
You never know. Don't tell me I'm wrong. It's not impossible. She's smart. She could be an evil mastermind. You don't know.
[ kate would have poisoned the shit out of vampires if she were in charge of their food supply, so. yeah. this actually doesn't have anything to do with rosalind, it turns out. anyway. wow, let's move on from that, too. ]
Whatever. Anyway.
You literally just called me a model. Wow, I'm so offended.
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