[ stiles should be aware of the staring. he should be aware of derek's eyes on him because he can almost always sense when he's being watched, hypervigilant to the point that he sometimes comes off as overly paranoid. but he doesn't notice, and maybe it's just because derek makes him feel safe. he doesn't get that prickly feeling at the nape of his neck or that tight feeling in his chest because derek isn't a threat to him. derek has never been a threat to him, not really. sure, he's a predator, and he could rip stiles' throat out without even breaking a sweat if he wanted to. sure, he sometimes has long, sharp teeth and sharper claws, but stiles can't ever recall a time derek ever turned those things on him with the intent to hurt him.
so he doesn't notice the staring, at least not until he's actually looking at derek, but he does notice that it's taking derek longer than necessary to answer a simple yes or no question. stiles waits another second or two, idly wondering if maybe derek just didn't hear him, even though it's pretty quiet in the apartment and the movie isn't that loud and derek has heightened senses to rely on. he considers repeating himself, but derek answers and stiles seems pretty satisfied, craning his head back up and turning his attention back to his laptop.
he doesn't react much to derek sliding his arm over his waist. his heart stutters a little, quick and soft and easy, just because he's pleased. but he's also content and comfortable and just - really, really happy. he feels warm, both inside and out. the last time stiles felt this relaxed was - well, it was probably the last time he stayed the night here with derek, but even this is different. this is a kind of peace stiles hasn't felt in a long, long time.
stiles breathes out slowly, lazing comfortably next to derek as he watches the opening scenes unfold. he's seen this movie before, plenty of times actually, but the sets and the color composition and the finer details never fail to draw stiles in and hold his attention. the little girl's ridiculous arm cast and her tendency to hold objects in her stationary hand never fails to amuse him either. somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers derek moving closer, the small space left between them dipping just a little under derek's shifting weight. stiles doesn't really think about it and absently tilts himself slightly onto his side toward derek, his eyes still on his laptop, cheek still pressed into his bicep.
as engrossed as he is by the movie, derek is still more important, more interesting, and as soon as derek speaks, stiles' eyes shift. he tilts his chin down slightly so he can look at him more directly, blinking a couple times to adjust his focus, eyebrows lifting with gentle curiosity. he turns fully onto his side as derek slides his hand to his lower back, giving him his full attention. stiles doesn't know what to do with those few seconds of silence though with derek looking at him the way he is, so he takes his hand from where it's settled in the space between them and gently taps the back of his fist against derek's chest, lightly thumping his knuckles against his pec as he murmurs a quiet 'hmm?'
and then derek hits him with i really like you. stiles breathes out through his nose, one quiet, rushed exhale, and pushes his fist a little more firmly against derek's chest, suddenly a little bashful. he presses his lips together, but it doesn't do much to hide the faint smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, however brief it is. stiles rubs his cheek against his arm like he's trying to wipe away the heat of a barely-there blush, then shifts and settles in just a fraction closer to derek, bending one of his knees until it bumps up against his. ]
S'not stupid. I like - I like... hearing you say it.
[ his own voice is just a quiet hum, low and slightly rough, and it fills the handful of quiet moments in between before derek speaks again. stiles' fingers absently pinch at derek's shirt for a second or two, eyes lowered just slightly, and then he moves his hand to his shoulder, letting it slide lazily down his bicep.
someone narrates quietly somewhere in the background, telling the story of a bandit and his brother, a princess. stiles doesn't hear it at all, in favor if listening to derek instead.
he doesn't agree. stiles doesn't agree that derek is only half-decent, he doesn't agree that if something does go wrong between them, that it's automatically going to be because of something derek did or something he caused or something he didn't do - but he doesn't interrupt, either, and when derek calls him incredible, when derek says he's lucky to have stiles of all people, he's left feeling a little bit breathless for a moment.
stiles' brows pinch slightly, the space between them creasing softly. he looks a little awed, and also a little sad if you look hard enough, long enough. stiles shakes his head, cheek squishing against his arm before he lifts his head to adjust how he's laying. ]
Derek - you're a good boyfriend. You're a great boyfriend. I know - I know we only just... put a label on - all of this, but I know you're great boyfriend because you're a great person. [ he squeezes derek's bicep. ] Don't argue with me on that because you will lose.
[ stiles smiles a little lopsidedly, looking at derek with fondness and adoration and love. he hasn't told derek he loves him again, not since he told him back in the down after his terrible nightmare, but that's not because he feels any differently. he just doesn't want to overwhelm him, doesn't want to push things or make derek feel pressured or obligated or uncomfortable, but god, does stiles love him so much.
his smile fades a little, expression softening. stiles wets his lips and takes an easy breath in, making sure to look derek in the eyes if he'll let him. ]
But you're already taking the blame for something that - probably won't even happen. You can't do that. Please don't do that. You've got - shit to deal with, I've got shit to deal with too, but - we can do that together.
[ he sounds a little unsure, but he also sounds quietly hopeful, too. lord knows stiles has his own mountain of issues, whether they stem from low self-esteem, or putting every iota of energy he's got into being enough or doing enough only to never be told or reassured that he is, or his last, questionable relationship, the only one he's ever had - but stiles isn't willing to let those things soil what he's building with derek, not if he can help it.
stiles is the lucky one, though. back home, derek trusted stiles, probably more than anyone else has save for his own father. derek paid him attention and he acknowledged his intelligence and his efforts, even while rolling his eyes and calling him names, and it sucked when derek left, when stiles lost that. but he has that here, too. he has that now, and stiles is so, so lucky that derek likes him. he's lucky he has someone like derek, who sees him even when stiles feels unseen.
he rubs his cheek against his arm again, gets through a few false starts. ]
You're not... lucky. I don't mean that like— I'm not saying you're an unlucky person, but I mean you just. [ he's a little nervous and he can already tell he's starting to stumble a little, so he takes a second to take a breath and pull himself back. ] You deserve better than the things that've happened to you.
[ both the things derek knows about, and the things he doesn't, things stiles has promised himself he'll tell derek if only for the small chance derek can change his future. stiles wets his lips, his eyes dipping for a second or two. ]
I... want to be that. I want to be better because you deserve that much. I'm trying.
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so he doesn't notice the staring, at least not until he's actually looking at derek, but he does notice that it's taking derek longer than necessary to answer a simple yes or no question. stiles waits another second or two, idly wondering if maybe derek just didn't hear him, even though it's pretty quiet in the apartment and the movie isn't that loud and derek has heightened senses to rely on. he considers repeating himself, but derek answers and stiles seems pretty satisfied, craning his head back up and turning his attention back to his laptop.
he doesn't react much to derek sliding his arm over his waist. his heart stutters a little, quick and soft and easy, just because he's pleased. but he's also content and comfortable and just - really, really happy. he feels warm, both inside and out. the last time stiles felt this relaxed was - well, it was probably the last time he stayed the night here with derek, but even this is different. this is a kind of peace stiles hasn't felt in a long, long time.
stiles breathes out slowly, lazing comfortably next to derek as he watches the opening scenes unfold. he's seen this movie before, plenty of times actually, but the sets and the color composition and the finer details never fail to draw stiles in and hold his attention. the little girl's ridiculous arm cast and her tendency to hold objects in her stationary hand never fails to amuse him either. somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers derek moving closer, the small space left between them dipping just a little under derek's shifting weight. stiles doesn't really think about it and absently tilts himself slightly onto his side toward derek, his eyes still on his laptop, cheek still pressed into his bicep.
as engrossed as he is by the movie, derek is still more important, more interesting, and as soon as derek speaks, stiles' eyes shift. he tilts his chin down slightly so he can look at him more directly, blinking a couple times to adjust his focus, eyebrows lifting with gentle curiosity. he turns fully onto his side as derek slides his hand to his lower back, giving him his full attention. stiles doesn't know what to do with those few seconds of silence though with derek looking at him the way he is, so he takes his hand from where it's settled in the space between them and gently taps the back of his fist against derek's chest, lightly thumping his knuckles against his pec as he murmurs a quiet 'hmm?'
and then derek hits him with i really like you. stiles breathes out through his nose, one quiet, rushed exhale, and pushes his fist a little more firmly against derek's chest, suddenly a little bashful. he presses his lips together, but it doesn't do much to hide the faint smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, however brief it is. stiles rubs his cheek against his arm like he's trying to wipe away the heat of a barely-there blush, then shifts and settles in just a fraction closer to derek, bending one of his knees until it bumps up against his. ]
S'not stupid. I like - I like... hearing you say it.
[ his own voice is just a quiet hum, low and slightly rough, and it fills the handful of quiet moments in between before derek speaks again. stiles' fingers absently pinch at derek's shirt for a second or two, eyes lowered just slightly, and then he moves his hand to his shoulder, letting it slide lazily down his bicep.
someone narrates quietly somewhere in the background, telling the story of a bandit and his brother, a princess. stiles doesn't hear it at all, in favor if listening to derek instead.
he doesn't agree. stiles doesn't agree that derek is only half-decent, he doesn't agree that if something does go wrong between them, that it's automatically going to be because of something derek did or something he caused or something he didn't do - but he doesn't interrupt, either, and when derek calls him incredible, when derek says he's lucky to have stiles of all people, he's left feeling a little bit breathless for a moment.
stiles' brows pinch slightly, the space between them creasing softly. he looks a little awed, and also a little sad if you look hard enough, long enough. stiles shakes his head, cheek squishing against his arm before he lifts his head to adjust how he's laying. ]
Derek - you're a good boyfriend. You're a great boyfriend. I know - I know we only just... put a label on - all of this, but I know you're great boyfriend because you're a great person. [ he squeezes derek's bicep. ] Don't argue with me on that because you will lose.
[ stiles smiles a little lopsidedly, looking at derek with fondness and adoration and love. he hasn't told derek he loves him again, not since he told him back in the down after his terrible nightmare, but that's not because he feels any differently. he just doesn't want to overwhelm him, doesn't want to push things or make derek feel pressured or obligated or uncomfortable, but god, does stiles love him so much.
his smile fades a little, expression softening. stiles wets his lips and takes an easy breath in, making sure to look derek in the eyes if he'll let him. ]
But you're already taking the blame for something that - probably won't even happen. You can't do that. Please don't do that. You've got - shit to deal with, I've got shit to deal with too, but - we can do that together.
[ he sounds a little unsure, but he also sounds quietly hopeful, too. lord knows stiles has his own mountain of issues, whether they stem from low self-esteem, or putting every iota of energy he's got into being enough or doing enough only to never be told or reassured that he is, or his last, questionable relationship, the only one he's ever had - but stiles isn't willing to let those things soil what he's building with derek, not if he can help it.
stiles is the lucky one, though. back home, derek trusted stiles, probably more than anyone else has save for his own father. derek paid him attention and he acknowledged his intelligence and his efforts, even while rolling his eyes and calling him names, and it sucked when derek left, when stiles lost that. but he has that here, too. he has that now, and stiles is so, so lucky that derek likes him. he's lucky he has someone like derek, who sees him even when stiles feels unseen.
he rubs his cheek against his arm again, gets through a few false starts. ]
You're not... lucky. I don't mean that like— I'm not saying you're an unlucky person, but I mean you just. [ he's a little nervous and he can already tell he's starting to stumble a little, so he takes a second to take a breath and pull himself back. ] You deserve better than the things that've happened to you.
[ both the things derek knows about, and the things he doesn't, things stiles has promised himself he'll tell derek if only for the small chance derek can change his future. stiles wets his lips, his eyes dipping for a second or two. ]
I... want to be that. I want to be better because you deserve that much. I'm trying.