Sounds like it might be your loss. Maybe your friends would cash in on getting blown if they felt more appreciated. Wined and dined a little.
[ He's really not sure how to bounce back onto the Violet thing without ruining the atmosphere. Feels like making blowjob jokes has always been the easiest way to avoid dwelling in sad shit, with Tate. Still... ]
Listen - things are going to be weird for a while. You lost someone important to you. It's not going to feel weird forever. It's not like home, here. You can adapt. Change. Grow.
[ sounds like tate's friend has crippling guilt about not being good enough to be his friend and feels like he deserves to be put up with, rather than appreciated. but. hey go off. ]
You were stuck. Right? I... know you don't like talking about this, but - You were stagnating. For years. And - I've been watching you. I've seen you live life in excess, since coming here. Like you're catching up. The party I brought you home from, the heartache carved out of you by Violet's loss. The rejection you felt, back at Fort Harmony. Everything must feel so fucking loud, after being caught in stasis for so long. The world. Your emotions. Everything. Life. All of it. Growth and change and evolution, it's - all here for you, it's just hard to find under all the noise.
no, i guess that's right I couldn't I didn't go outside for a long time.
once, I did, because
[It's not like it's a huge secret.]
on halloween, things are different. spirits can walk the world of the living that kind of thing. I never went out except for, well. my first date with violet. we went to the beach and it it was really nice. I feel that way here again, like I can enjoy these things I never thought I'd have again.
[ Derek... should have let Violet come to the beach. He should have told Tate he could bring her here while she was still around. Derek's chest hurts. He's never doing enough, for Tate. He's always making things worse. ]
I'm sorry. I'm glad you feel that way again. I hope I've been a part of that. However small.
Listen - this is a long shot, and maybe kind of a weird thing to say - But if you and this kid you like do end up... trying to be something, far off in the future... Maybe I could meet him? Talk to him. And then, I don't know. You guys could spend some time together at the beach, maybe. If he's cool. If I decide I like him.
Which I probably won't. Jury's still out on if I even like you. Hell, jury's still out on if I like Stiles.
Maybe. Very, very, very tentative maybe. Might have to blindfold him on the way there. And on the way back. And I might have to walk you two down to the furthest end of the beach, so he never sees the den. But.
Wish I'd known you back home. Somehow. I would have taken you away from everything. Not that my life was much better, but... at least I could have looked after you.
Do you want to talk about your psychiatrist? Or. Maybe you can tell me more about that boy you like so much? All I really know about him is that he's sweet. And that you're, uh. Working on understanding how to practice monogamy. Just in case.
fun fact: the guy I had an anonymous hook up with (twice) before realizing it was the same guy is in fact the guy I now have a thing for. the uh, more you know? before you say "how the fuck did that happen" I gotta say the second time masks were involved.
imagine that being the story of how we landed together. "we screwed for quota and now we're here!"
[ just... putting that out there. that quiet confession that yes. he remembers the masks. ]
It's not like every couple has a meet cute. The real world isn't full of Jennifer Anistons. You like him. He likes you. That can be romantic enough on its own, even if you did happen to meet by barebacking in the streets. We can't all accidentally touch each other's hands at a coffee shop.
[ okay. well. he hates that. he hates that he knows this. he likes peter less now. but he also definitely brought this on himself, HE GUESSES. ]
I don't know. I've fucked in an alley since coming here. I had a fucking threesome in the streets at Carnaval while people watched, and that wouldn't even be in the top ten list of depraved things I've done in this fucking city. I'm not exactly in a position to judge. But.
I'm older than you. So. Scratch that. I can judge all I want. Yes. You have low standards. The absolute lowest.
This seems like kind of a dangerous topic. I don't want to... normalize sleeping around when you've been asking me how to manage a relationship. This city does enough for that without hearing it from me. I don't need to sit here and brag about getting my dick wet, either. I don't exactly give a shit about that kind of thing.
[ but - you know. he'll go into details if he's pushed. ]
yeah, I know. I'm just curious but if it was something relating to the masks or the other stuff that happened then, I get it spur of the moment, right?
Yeah. That might be worse, though. At least if it meant something - at least if I'd decided to screw around - I'd have been in control.
[ Not that it ever could have meant something - not that Derek's saying he'd have preferred it if it meant something, because seriously, the last thing he'd ever want is to hurt Stiles - but at least if he'd felt more clearheaded, more in control of the situation, he'd be able to say he never lost his bodily autonomy. He's pretty desperate to keep a firm grip on that shit, after everything back home.
Ugh. ]
This couple... I don't know if they're a couple or not, but - I think they are - They approached me. Wanted me, together. One of them asked me to share the other with them. And... we shared. That's all.
The full moon makes me kind of fucked up. The masks really pushed that feeling. Made it bigger. Made me more... starving. For everything. I just really needed to fuck. Dominate. I got that. At the Carnaval. Partially with them. Partially with others. That's what this city does. Starves you. I feel like it's just easier for them to starve me, seeing as I'm already starving half the time already.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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some of them never cash in on their blowies
that's their loss, not mine.
[Idiot.]
if anything changes, idk
we'll see how it goes.
I still just feel weird right now
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Maybe your friends would cash in on getting blown if they felt more appreciated.
Wined and dined a little.
[ He's really not sure how to bounce back onto the Violet thing without ruining the atmosphere. Feels like making blowjob jokes has always been the easiest way to avoid dwelling in sad shit, with Tate. Still... ]
Listen - things are going to be weird for a while. You lost someone important to you.
It's not going to feel weird forever. It's not like home, here.
You can adapt. Change. Grow.
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[But alright.]
i couldn't get over her before
at home? i tried. i really did
but I think
I think you're right?
you can't change when you're
when you're dead
but it's different here
it has to be.
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[ sounds like tate's friend has crippling guilt about not being good enough to be his friend and feels like he deserves to be put up with, rather than appreciated. but. hey go off. ]
You were stuck. Right? I... know you don't like talking about this, but -
You were stagnating. For years.
And - I've been watching you. I've seen you live life in excess, since coming here. Like you're catching up.
The party I brought you home from, the heartache carved out of you by Violet's loss. The rejection you felt, back at Fort Harmony.
Everything must feel so fucking loud, after being caught in stasis for so long. The world. Your emotions. Everything. Life. All of it.
Growth and change and evolution, it's - all here for you, it's just hard to find under all the noise.
That's what I think, at least. Maybe I'm wrong.
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I couldn't
I didn't go outside for
a long time.
once, I did, because
[It's not like it's a huge secret.]
on halloween, things are different. spirits can walk the world of the living
that kind of thing. I never went out except for, well. my first date with violet.
we went to the beach and it
it was really nice.
I feel that way here again, like
I can enjoy these things I never thought I'd have again.
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I'm sorry.
I'm glad you feel that way again. I hope I've been a part of that. However small.
Listen - this is a long shot, and maybe kind of a weird thing to say -
But if you and this kid you like do end up... trying to be something, far off in the future...
Maybe I could meet him? Talk to him.
And then, I don't know.
You guys could spend some time together at the beach, maybe. If he's cool. If I decide I like him.
Which I probably won't.
Jury's still out on if I even like you. Hell, jury's still out on if I like Stiles.
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if you like him and i like him, he can get permission to come here?
for real?
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Very, very, very tentative maybe.
Might have to blindfold him on the way there. And on the way back.
And I might have to walk you two down to the furthest end of the beach, so he never sees the den.
But.
Maybe.
Only if I like him.
[ a pause - ]
Only if I think he's good enough for you.
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i have to convince ppl im good enough
i kinda like it this way round
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You don't have to convince me of shit.
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only for him to turn around and say never talk to his kid again
fun times.
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Wish I'd known you back home. Somehow.
I would have taken you away from everything.
Not that my life was much better, but... at least I could have looked after you.
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my life would've turned out a lot different
i'm sure of it.
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[ anyway. ]
Do you want to talk about your psychiatrist? Or.
Maybe you can tell me more about that boy you like so much?
All I really know about him is that he's sweet. And that you're, uh.
Working on understanding how to practice monogamy. Just in case.
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[Hard to tell, but Tate's not offended.]
what's more fun to talk about, the guy I have a crush on or the dad of my ex?
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I don't know. Your call.
Maybe you're a masochist. Maybe you love the feeling of self-flagellation.
You're friends with me, so. Wouldn't be a shocker.
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imagine that being the story of how we landed together. "we screwed for quota and now we're here!"
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[ just... putting that out there. that quiet confession that yes. he remembers the masks. ]
It's not like every couple has a meet cute. The real world isn't full of Jennifer Anistons.
You like him. He likes you. That can be romantic enough on its own, even if you did happen to meet by barebacking in the streets. We can't all accidentally touch each other's hands at a coffee shop.
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for your information it was a back alley
we have standards, derek.
[TMI?]
I don't know if that lowers or raises them but
you know. around here it's hard to tell
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I don't know. I've fucked in an alley since coming here. I had a fucking threesome in the streets at Carnaval while people watched, and that wouldn't even be in the top ten list of depraved things I've done in this fucking city.
I'm not exactly in a position to judge.
But.
I'm older than you. So. Scratch that. I can judge all I want.
Yes.
You have low standards. The absolute lowest.
[ he's kidding. like 98% kidding. ]
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be kind and rewind a second: a fucking THREEsome?
derek, details? details?
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This seems like kind of a dangerous topic.
I don't want to... normalize sleeping around when you've been asking me how to manage a relationship. This city does enough for that without hearing it from me.
I don't need to sit here and brag about getting my dick wet, either. I don't exactly give a shit about that kind of thing.
[ but - you know. he'll go into details if he's pushed. ]
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but if it was something relating to the masks or
the other stuff that happened then, I get it
spur of the moment, right?
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That might be worse, though. At least if it meant something - at least if I'd decided to screw around - I'd have been in control.
[ Not that it ever could have meant something - not that Derek's saying he'd have preferred it if it meant something, because seriously, the last thing he'd ever want is to hurt Stiles - but at least if he'd felt more clearheaded, more in control of the situation, he'd be able to say he never lost his bodily autonomy. He's pretty desperate to keep a firm grip on that shit, after everything back home.
Ugh. ]
This couple... I don't know if they're a couple or not, but - I think they are -
They approached me. Wanted me, together. One of them asked me to share the other with them. And... we shared. That's all.
The full moon makes me kind of fucked up. The masks really pushed that feeling. Made it bigger.
Made me more... starving. For everything.
I just really needed to fuck. Dominate.
I got that. At the Carnaval.
Partially with them. Partially with others.
That's what this city does. Starves you. I feel like it's just easier for them to starve me, seeing as I'm already starving half the time already.
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what do you mean like
you want for something?
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