Okay. I'm less worried about you being killed and more about you being wooed. He seemed very charming. Though I am actually very worried about you being killed, now that I've said it.
[ or into him in general but he's trying to be funny ok. ]
No, I'm not gonna steal it. I mean. Well. I might accidentally take it without asking for permission if things don't go the way I need them to, but The plan right now is to see if he can use it to detect uh Foreign objects in the body that should not be in the body?
That's smart. Better than my plan to just cut myself open. Which I was actually about to do? Had the claws out and everything. You messaged me at the right time.
Nope. But I might shave the rest of your face in the middle of the night. It'll be like when I was 16.
Please tell me you're kidding. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but it's hard to determine if you're being sarcastic when I can't see your eyebrows.
Didn't look my best back then. Kinda makes sense that you didn't fall in love with me until we were driving around all summer and sleeping in cars. Where I presumably didn't have as much time or freedom to shave.
I'm being sarcastic. I was going to cut myself open, though. Just thought I should wait to have you around before I did it. To stop me from dying if I fucked up. Thats progress. Growth.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You're stupid. I'm talking about you apparently not looking your best and me not getting an instant boner when you scared the crap out of me in the woods - both of which are not true - not you cutting yourself open But that's also stupid.
You don't even know if we all have one. Some random guy appears on the network claiming to have pulled something out of himself, names a doctor - who, by the way, threatened to murder Rosalind once, sound like a great guy, definitely should be in charge of other people's health -, and nobody asks questions? What if it's some kind of set-up? Stir fear and paranoia in the community by implying everybody's got a foreign object under their skin, offer a way to quell that fear, lead everyone right to your doorstep. Commit evil.
You could tear into yourself for no reason. I don't trust that doctor to check, not knowing what I know about him. This other guy's the only other person I can think of who might be able to tell me anything. He's shown his face in a big way, identified himself publicly, implied he has decent if not good intentions. If it turns out we do all have one I'm cutting it out of you
I know. I mean - You're right. I don't trust the guy on the network. I don't trust anyone who posts public revelations about LIES. But.
I don't know. I'm - impatient. Scared, maybe. Which I know could be the point of this tracking device bullshit in the first place, like you said. Kate tied me to a wall, electrocuted me for fun, licked my stomach while she threatened to kill me. Jennifer - I haven't even met her yet, but - she's going to make me think I want things that I don't. This city has taken away my wolf once before. Made it worse, too. Bigger. There's the quota to meet. It's like - No matter what I do or where I go, there's always something in control of my body. Taking it away, or changing it, or using it. I can't stand it. You have to know what I mean. You've lost control before, too. If there's something in me, I want it out as soon as possible. If there's not, then. I'll heal.
Didn't know he threatened Rosalind.
Edited (wait important note) 2019-05-03 19:37 (UTC)
Kate already happened. Jennifer hasn't, for you, and she doesn't have to. That's part of why I told you everything So you could have control of what happens to you and the people around you. I do know what you mean, though. And I'm sorry these things keep happening.
Just... I don't want to ask you to wait but I'm going to ask you to wait. Please. Just. The guy on the network said it was close to the spine. I know you can heal, but I'd rather you didn't risk paralyzing yourself trying to find something that might not even be there, temporarily or not.
I think it was before she was changed. She told him she was thinking about it, and I guess they used to be friends So she expected support, or maybe advice at the very least But instead he threatened to kill her if she didn't live up to his expectations. He's not even the one that turned her. I don't know a whole lot of anything about vampire politics or whatever But I'm pretty sure he doesn't get to decide whether she lives or dies.
Do you want to come with me? We don't have to go together But if you want to just be around If that'll make you feel better to hear what this guy has to say and if he can help us I'm okay with that.
I'm not going to join you. You're smart enough to do this on your own without me standing over you acting suspicious. I'll wait. You're right. Sorry.
If vampire politics are anything like pack politics, killing somebody else's charge would be like killing another alpha's beta. Which, I mean. That would be a declaration of war. Sounds like that guy has his head pretty far up his own ass. Or maybe he's just wildly xenophobic and hates vampires.
I don't know why you're apologizing. You know how that works, right? You're only supposed to apologize when you've done something wrong.
Can you be xenophobic toward your own kind? I mean obviously you can because he's a prime example. I'm just saying. Doesn't seem like the kind of guy who should be responsible for taking care of other people if he's willing to threaten the people most like him.
Uhhh. It was kind of a half chub? Like A fear-boner? A bisexual awakening boner. But yeah.
I mean. Yes. Victoria Argent. There are people who think being bitten by a werewolf is the same as being cursed. Not everybody sees the bite as a gift. Lycanthropy has been synonymous with disease since the fucking middle ages. Can't imagine vampires - creatures described as walking corpses - find themselves boasting a 100% customer satisfaction rate.
Anyway. Wow. Stop making me want to blow you while we're talking about racism and the potential systematic destruction of bodily autonomy.
Yeah You thinking being clean-shaven would somehow make you even an iota less attractive than you currently are is pretty stupid, you're right. Apology accepted.
… Okay. You do have a point there I guess. A shitty point that shouldn't even be a point because people suck (pun like 50% intended, because vampires, get it), but. A point nonetheless.
I probably shouldn't tell you about I'm The Alpha Incident then.
Absolutely not what I meant. But fine. I give up. You're right. I am the most physically attractive man in the world.
I'm always right. I always have a point. I don't know this guy, so I'm not going to definitively declare him to be, you know. Like that. Maybe he just hates Rosalind. Maybe he's like Peter and thinks vampires have to meet a certain standard. But. Does seem like a dick.
Okay, relax. Let's not get carried away. Dr. Ian Malcolm does exist. Somewhere.
[ kidding! 95% kidding. ]
Yeah, okay. You're always right and I'm the best player our lacrosse team has ever seen. Anyway.
Do I really have to explain? Do you not already know what I'm going to say? I don't feel like I really have to tell you that After you stomped that syringe of wolfsbane and Alpha'd the shit out of Isaac I may or may not have gone home later and Had another bisexual awakening Late at night While thinking about you saying "I'm the Alpha" like some kind badass If you know what I mean
I know we have this whole exclusivity thing going on, but. If Doctor Ian Fucking Malcolm shows up here and asks for a blowjob, I'm not going to get mad at you for caving.
[ dot dot dot. ]
We could... do something with that. If you wanted. Really lean into this whole D/S aesthetic, for once. I could tell you I'm your Alpha. Give you orders. Pull your hair, tie you up. Edge you for an entire day. Go full Fifty Shades with it. Again: if you wanted.
I'm offended that you think I'd cave. I'm a committed man, babe. Come on. I'll just jerk it furiously to the JP theme, call it a day, and we'll never speak of it.
[ but uh. dot dot fuckin' dot. it takes a minute for stiles to even start to respond. ]
... Do you think you could handle that? I'm not That isn't a challenge I'm genuinely asking Like
[ . . . ]
Say I wanted that. Say I did everything you asked me to Say I let you tie me down and tease me until I can't take it Say I called you Alpha. Would you be able to handle that?
[ because derek did ask him kind of recently if he'd ever let him give him the bite, if he'd let him be the alpha to his beta, if stiles said yes, and stiles doesn't want to play with something dangerous if it's just going to end in derek being disappointed that it'll only ever go so far. ]
derek hadn't really... thought that far ahead. maybe that's just reflective of how he's been, since his arrival; quick to act on action and gut-instinct without seeing how negatively his choices could impact him in the long run. stiles brings up a very fucking real point, and derek's... not sure how to respond.
he's a little offended, actually. offended that stiles would even have to ask. his first impulse is to get defensive and shoot down all his worries, call him out for thinking he's so weak-willed that he'd let fucking roleplay get all in his head like that. but - the thing is - derek doesn't trust himself. derek's never trusted himself. maybe he'd handle it. he thinks he could. maybe he couldn't. he probably couldn't.
maybe the fact that he's this fucking desperate to hear stiles call him alpha - this fucking turned on by the idea that even hearing him write the words say i called you alpha got him harder than steel, made him feel like he's standing in fire, made him bite the inside of his cheek so hard that it really, really started to hurt - is enough to show that this might be too much for him. he doesn't want stiles to be his beta, he knows that, he knows he wants them to be what they are, but -
but he doesn't trust himself. ]
I know you don't want me to be your Alpha. Not really. So.
I never said that. I’ve never said I wouldn’t want you to be my Alpha. Me not wanting the bite isn’t the same thing. Me being human doesn’t mean I can’t be part of a pack. And if it does, then you’re telling me people have been lying to me and playing along with my delusions this entire time.
[ stiles doesn't know what he's asking. they shouldn't be having this conversation. it's to late to have this conversation. ]
That's not what we are.
[ he wants that to be what they are, but - come on. ]
It's - complicated. I want to believe that humans can be part of your pack. But. It's complicated. And. Even if it wasn't? You have Scott. Scott doesn't want to be in my pack. I know you're a package deal.
Scott kicked me out once. Did it so easily, like he was just waiting for me to slip up. One good reason, and it wasn't even true. But if you're telling me humans can't be pack If you're telling me that's why it was so easy for him to cut me out, because I was never even part of it in the first place How's that a package deal?
[ he's not - saying humans can't be pack. he knows humans can be pack. humans were a part of his fucking family, he knows humans can be pack, it's just-- paige died, because peter told him they couldn't be. it's so hard to get that out of his head, sometimes.
that doesn't matter. it doesn't matter. he needs to stop fucking talking about paige, about peter, about - everyone. scott kicked stiles out. scott kicked stiles out, and that's - insane, and it goes completely against every image derek's been cultivating of scott in his head, every fucking grace he's been giving him, and for a second he just. doesn't know what to say. ]
[ it's - too much too explain over text, too complicated. how'd they go from talking about some light bdsm to - this? and so quickly. ]
Because someone told him I did something I didn't actually do Not the way they said I did And he took their word Never once came to me and asked me what really happened I told him from the beginning that something didn't feel right about this kid But I'm just crazy. I'm just paranoid.
[ derek's -- immediately typing a reply, halfway through sending more questions, when stiles cuts him off and says he has to go. derek's thumb hovers over his screen, trying to decide... what the fuck to do, then, if stiles doesn't want to talk to him about this, and ultimately just... backspaces it all.
he writes we're not done, we're still talking about this, but backspaces that, too.]
[ stiles - doesn't want to talk about it. but he's the one who brought any of this up in the first place, and they're supposed to talk about things. stiles said he would try to be better about keeping things to himself, but all he wants right now is for derek to just forget he said anything at all. about scott, about humans and packs.
and it's stupid, that he still carries scott's rejection with him even now. they got over this - they made up, back home, but stiles isn't good at letting go of the things that hurt him, and scott kicking him out cut deep. put some things in perspective.
[ something's cut pretty deep here. it took months of being together for stiles to breach this, and... on the one hand, derek understands better than anyone, the need to stay quiet and reserved about the things that hurt. on the other hand, being kicked out of scott's pack feels like it might be a leading item on a list of things stiles might want to talk about it, and derek's admittedly thrown by only hearing about it now. they've always been inseparable. that's what derek thought.
he doesn't push the conversation any further. he shuts his phone off, gives stiles some space, and he does what talia did, when she knew a night was going to be hard. when she knew she had to break the news that someone had been hunted, or that someone had left a pack. he cooks dinner. it's not hannibal lecter-tiers of culinary proficiency, and it's not the first time he's cooked a meal for stiles since moving into the den, either, but it's the first time he's done it like this.
he's dishing up when stiles gets home. it's just - pasta and chicken and a clumsily thrown together salad, but it's not chinese or pizza, so at least it's a change. hopefully it's as good as talia's dinners, even if it's nothing like her thanksgivings.
derek doesn't... say hello, he just... briefly looks up at the door as it slides open, adding the last bit of silverware. he's not hungry, but. tradition is tradition. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I'm less worried about you being killed and more about you being wooed. He seemed very charming.
Though I am actually very worried about you being killed, now that I've said it.
You gonna try and steal the RF detector?
no subject
Not into the goatee.
[ or into him in general but he's trying to be funny ok. ]
No, I'm not gonna steal it.
I mean.
Well.
I might accidentally take it without asking for permission if things don't go the way I need them to, but
The plan right now is to see if he can use it to detect uh
Foreign objects in the body that should not be in the body?
[ like little stereotypical tracking devices. ]
no subject
That's smart. Better than my plan to just cut myself open.
Which I was actually about to do? Had the claws out and everything. You messaged me at the right time.
no subject
But I might shave the rest of your face in the middle of the night.
It'll be like when I was 16.
Please tell me you're kidding.
I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but it's hard to determine if you're being sarcastic when I can't see your eyebrows.
no subject
Kinda makes sense that you didn't fall in love with me until we were driving around all summer and sleeping in cars.
Where I presumably didn't have as much time or freedom to shave.
I'm being sarcastic.
I was going to cut myself open, though.
Just thought I should wait to have you around before I did it. To stop me from dying if I fucked up.
Thats progress. Growth.
no subject
You're stupid.
I'm talking about you apparently not looking your best and me not getting an instant boner when you scared the crap out of me in the woods - both of which are not true - not you cutting yourself open
But that's also stupid.
You don't even know if we all have one.
Some random guy appears on the network claiming to have pulled something out of himself, names a doctor - who, by the way, threatened to murder Rosalind once, sound like a great guy, definitely should be in charge of other people's health -, and nobody asks questions?
What if it's some kind of set-up?
Stir fear and paranoia in the community by implying everybody's got a foreign object under their skin, offer a way to quell that fear, lead everyone right to your doorstep. Commit evil.
You could tear into yourself for no reason.
I don't trust that doctor to check, not knowing what I know about him.
This other guy's the only other person I can think of who might be able to tell me anything.
He's shown his face in a big way, identified himself publicly, implied he has decent if not good intentions.
If it turns out we do all have one
I'm cutting it out of you
no subject
You're right. I don't trust the guy on the network. I don't trust anyone who posts public revelations about LIES.
But.
I don't know. I'm - impatient. Scared, maybe. Which I know could be the point of this tracking device bullshit in the first place, like you said.
Kate tied me to a wall, electrocuted me for fun, licked my stomach while she threatened to kill me. Jennifer - I haven't even met her yet, but - she's going to make me think I want things that I don't.
This city has taken away my wolf once before. Made it worse, too. Bigger. There's the quota to meet. It's like -
No matter what I do or where I go, there's always something in control of my body. Taking it away, or changing it, or using it.
I can't stand it. You have to know what I mean. You've lost control before, too.
If there's something in me, I want it out as soon as possible. If there's not, then. I'll heal.
Didn't know he threatened Rosalind.
no subject
Jennifer hasn't, for you, and she doesn't have to.
That's part of why I told you everything
So you could have control of what happens to you and the people around you.
I do know what you mean, though.
And I'm sorry these things keep happening.
Just...
I don't want to ask you to wait but I'm going to ask you to wait.
Please.
Just. The guy on the network said it was close to the spine.
I know you can heal, but I'd rather you didn't risk paralyzing yourself trying to find something that might not even be there, temporarily or not.
I think it was before she was changed.
She told him she was thinking about it, and I guess they used to be friends
So she expected support, or maybe advice at the very least
But instead he threatened to kill her if she didn't live up to his expectations.
He's not even the one that turned her.
I don't know a whole lot of anything about vampire politics or whatever
But I'm pretty sure he doesn't get to decide whether she lives or dies.
Do you want to come with me?
We don't have to go together
But if you want to just be around
If that'll make you feel better to hear what this guy has to say and if he can help us
I'm okay with that.
no subject
I'll wait. You're right.
Sorry.
If vampire politics are anything like pack politics, killing somebody else's charge would be like killing another alpha's beta. Which, I mean.
That would be a declaration of war.
Sounds like that guy has his head pretty far up his own ass.
Or maybe he's just wildly xenophobic and hates vampires.
Did you really get hard in the woods?
no subject
You know how that works, right?
You're only supposed to apologize when you've done something wrong.
Can you be xenophobic toward your own kind?
I mean obviously you can because he's a prime example.
I'm just saying.
Doesn't seem like the kind of guy who should be responsible for taking care of other people if he's willing to threaten the people most like him.
Uhhh.
It was kind of a half chub?
Like
A fear-boner?
A bisexual awakening boner.
But yeah.
no subject
I mean. Yes. Victoria Argent.
There are people who think being bitten by a werewolf is the same as being cursed.
Not everybody sees the bite as a gift. Lycanthropy has been synonymous with disease since the fucking middle ages.
Can't imagine vampires - creatures described as walking corpses - find themselves boasting a 100% customer satisfaction rate.
Anyway.
Wow.
Stop making me want to blow you while we're talking about racism and the potential systematic destruction of bodily autonomy.
no subject
You thinking being clean-shaven would somehow make you even an iota less attractive than you currently are is pretty stupid, you're right.
Apology accepted.
… Okay.
You do have a point there I guess.
A shitty point that shouldn't even be a point because people suck (pun like 50% intended, because vampires, get it), but.
A point nonetheless.
I probably shouldn't tell you about I'm The Alpha Incident then.
no subject
But fine. I give up. You're right.
I am the most physically attractive man in the world.
I'm always right. I always have a point.
I don't know this guy, so I'm not going to definitively declare him to be, you know. Like that. Maybe he just hates Rosalind.
Maybe he's like Peter and thinks vampires have to meet a certain standard.
But.
Does seem like a dick.
Tell me about the I'm The Alpha Incident.
no subject
Let's not get carried away.
Dr. Ian Malcolm does exist.
Somewhere.
[ kidding! 95% kidding. ]
Yeah, okay.
You're always right and I'm the best player our lacrosse team has ever seen.
Anyway.
Do I really have to explain?
Do you not already know what I'm going to say?
I don't feel like I really have to tell you that
After you stomped that syringe of wolfsbane and Alpha'd the shit out of Isaac
I may or may not have gone home later and
Had another bisexual awakening
Late at night
While thinking about you saying "I'm the Alpha" like some kind badass
If you know what I mean
no subject
If Doctor Ian Fucking Malcolm shows up here and asks for a blowjob, I'm not going to get mad at you for caving.
[ dot dot dot. ]
We could... do something with that.
If you wanted.
Really lean into this whole D/S aesthetic, for once.
I could tell you I'm your Alpha. Give you orders. Pull your hair, tie you up. Edge you for an entire day.
Go full Fifty Shades with it.
Again: if you wanted.
no subject
I'm a committed man, babe.
Come on.
I'll just jerk it furiously to the JP theme, call it a day, and we'll never speak of it.
[ but uh. dot dot fuckin' dot. it takes a minute for stiles to even start to respond. ]
... Do you think you could handle that?
I'm not
That isn't a challenge
I'm genuinely asking
Like
[ . . . ]
Say I wanted that.
Say I did everything you asked me to
Say I let you tie me down and tease me until I can't take it
Say I called you Alpha.
Would you be able to handle that?
[ because derek did ask him kind of recently if he'd ever let him give him the bite, if he'd let him be the alpha to his beta, if stiles said yes, and stiles doesn't want to play with something dangerous if it's just going to end in derek being disappointed that it'll only ever go so far. ]
no subject
derek hadn't really... thought that far ahead. maybe that's just reflective of how he's been, since his arrival; quick to act on action and gut-instinct without seeing how negatively his choices could impact him in the long run. stiles brings up a very fucking real point, and derek's... not sure how to respond.
he's a little offended, actually. offended that stiles would even have to ask. his first impulse is to get defensive and shoot down all his worries, call him out for thinking he's so weak-willed that he'd let fucking roleplay get all in his head like that. but - the thing is - derek doesn't trust himself. derek's never trusted himself. maybe he'd handle it. he thinks he could. maybe he couldn't. he probably couldn't.
maybe the fact that he's this fucking desperate to hear stiles call him alpha - this fucking turned on by the idea that even hearing him write the words say i called you alpha got him harder than steel, made him feel like he's standing in fire, made him bite the inside of his cheek so hard that it really, really started to hurt - is enough to show that this might be too much for him. he doesn't want stiles to be his beta, he knows that, he knows he wants them to be what they are, but -
but he doesn't trust himself. ]
I know you don't want me to be your Alpha. Not really.
So.
[ so... yeah. that's not an answer. ]
no subject
I’ve never said I wouldn’t want you to be my Alpha.
Me not wanting the bite isn’t the same thing.
Me being human doesn’t mean I can’t be part of a pack.
And if it does, then you’re telling me people have been lying to me and playing along with my delusions this entire time.
[ and that doesn’t make him feel good. ]
no subject
That's not what we are.
[ he wants that to be what they are, but - come on. ]
It's - complicated. I want to believe that humans can be part of your pack. But.
It's complicated.
And.
Even if it wasn't? You have Scott.
Scott doesn't want to be in my pack. I know you're a package deal.
no subject
Scott kicked me out once.
Did it so easily, like he was just waiting for me to slip up.
One good reason, and it wasn't even true.
But if you're telling me humans can't be pack
If you're telling me that's why it was so easy for him to cut me out, because I was never even part of it in the first place
How's that a package deal?
no subject
that doesn't matter. it doesn't matter. he needs to stop fucking talking about paige, about peter, about - everyone. scott kicked stiles out. scott kicked stiles out, and that's - insane, and it goes completely against every image derek's been cultivating of scott in his head, every fucking grace he's been giving him, and for a second he just. doesn't know what to say. ]
Why did he do that?
no subject
Because someone told him I did something I didn't actually do
Not the way they said I did
And he took their word
Never once came to me and asked me what really happened
I told him from the beginning that something didn't feel right about this kid
But I'm just crazy. I'm just paranoid.
[ . . . ]
I have to go.
I'm going to be late.
no subject
he writes we're not done, we're still talking about this, but backspaces that, too.]
Can we talk about this when you're back?
no subject
and it's stupid, that he still carries scott's rejection with him even now. they got over this - they made up, back home, but stiles isn't good at letting go of the things that hurt him, and scott kicking him out cut deep. put some things in perspective.
he needs to do better. ]
If that's what you want.
no subject
[ something's cut pretty deep here. it took months of being together for stiles to breach this, and... on the one hand, derek understands better than anyone, the need to stay quiet and reserved about the things that hurt. on the other hand, being kicked out of scott's pack feels like it might be a leading item on a list of things stiles might want to talk about it, and derek's admittedly thrown by only hearing about it now. they've always been inseparable. that's what derek thought.
he doesn't push the conversation any further. he shuts his phone off, gives stiles some space, and he does what talia did, when she knew a night was going to be hard. when she knew she had to break the news that someone had been hunted, or that someone had left a pack. he cooks dinner. it's not hannibal lecter-tiers of culinary proficiency, and it's not the first time he's cooked a meal for stiles since moving into the den, either, but it's the first time he's done it like this.
he's dishing up when stiles gets home. it's just - pasta and chicken and a clumsily thrown together salad, but it's not chinese or pizza, so at least it's a change. hopefully it's as good as talia's dinners, even if it's nothing like her thanksgivings.
derek doesn't... say hello, he just... briefly looks up at the door as it slides open, adding the last bit of silverware. he's not hungry, but. tradition is tradition. ]
(no subject)