[ stiles doesn't have to be looking at derek to know that derek is looking at him. he can feel it, the same way most people can feel when someone is watching them from afar, but stiles doesn't feel unsettled by it, he doesn't feel intimidated or paranoid. he just feels... unsure, mostly, quietly anxious, like his body's going to be the thing that chases derek away, and not his clumsiness or his abuse of sarcasm or his inability to stay focused sometimes. and his body is fine - in the back of his mind somewhere, stiles knows that he's not bad looking - but derek is a werewolf, and he's always been surrounded by werewolves, beautiful people with bodies built to run and fight and protect. and stiles doesn't look like him. he doesn't look like scott or liam or malia, he doesn't look like jackson or - even freaking danny, who was just as human as stiles is, but still still tanned and toned and able to stand next to everyone else and still look like he belonged.
stiles is just. average. and he's okay with that, mostly. he's been offered more than once now, to become something better, and each time he's turned it down. so average is his own choice, it's what he's able to settle for - but it's not so easy to believe someone else might settle for it too.
derek kisses his forehead, and it honestly does a lot to calm him, to make him feel alright. he breathes a quiet sigh, untucking his fingers from derek's waistband when he leans back to take everything off. stiles watches him for a beat, awed by his everything, really, and then takes the second or two while derek is busy to twist and lean over the edge of the bed, blindly feeling around. he puts his hand in something cold and wet, blinks blearily with mild confusion, but can't bring himself to investigate, continuing to pat at the floor until he finds the small bottle of lube that he's looking for. eventually, they'll get a night stand, and stiles will be able to find the lube in the drawer by muscle memory alone. he fumbles for another second or two, fingers dipping into the box of condoms pushed up against the side of the bed.
when he pulls himself back up, derek's already laid out beside him - and he's beautiful, lightly tanned skin and tight muscle highlighted by the pale light of the moon spilling in through some of the windows. stiles slowly sets the lube and the condom down on the bed somewhere within reach, and just looks at him for a moment. derek touches his fingertips against his side and trails them upward, dragging them lightly over bare skin, and it's not as if derek hasn't touched him everywhere before, it's not like derek has never had his hands underneath stiles' shirt, touching him in all the same places, but it's just - different, like this. derek can see every part of stiles, every inch of skin that he's touching, and it doesn't stop him at all, and that makes stiles feel - well, it's an indescribable feeling, really, but it's somewhere close to overwhelmingly loved.
derek kisses his thigh, lingers there for a moment, and stiles can't resist. he pushes his fingers through derek's hair, slow and gentle, runs his fingertips over the nape of his neck. he watches with tired, lust-cloudy eyes as derek strokes himself, wants to reach down and bat his hand away so he can do it for him the way he should have been doing this entire time.
tell me how you want me derek says, but stiles just wants him everywhere, all the time, in every way. he knows what derek is asking even before he suggests a couple different positions, but stiles doesn't know how he's supposed to choose. he wets his lips, pushing his fingers through derek's hair again, his other hand curling around the crown of his own cock and stroking slowly as he thinks about what he wants.
god, he really wants derek to ride him. he wants to lie back, he wants to feel the weight of him pressing him down, the warmth of him surrounding his cock, the strength of him as he works his thighs. but he also wants him on his back, he wants to hold derek's legs up a little, hands cupped behind his knees, and watch as his cock slides into him, slow and deep.
stiles swallows around a soft sound, fingers dropping to the base of his cock for a moment to give it a tight squeeze before he starts to move, reaching to push and kick his boxers the rest of the way off of his legs before turning and pressing a gentle hand against derek's shoulder, hoping to ease him onto his back. ]
I... want to see your face.
[ he swallows, wets his lips, shifting over and up to put one of his knees between derek's legs. stiles puts a hand on his thigh, carefully easing it out to make more space for him, and then settles on both knees between derek's legs, resting back on his haunches with his knees slightly spread, cock hard and heavy. after a moment, he tilts forward, bracing his hands on either side of derek by his shoulders, leaning down to kiss him lightly. ]
... Is this okay?
[ his hand slides over the sheets a little, fingers closing around the bottle of lube as he waits for approval. ]
[ stiles isn't average. derek doesn't see stiles as anything even close to average. half of derek's muscles come from fear - from working himself to the bone, from making his hands bleed, as he did everything he could to run and get stronger and survive. his looks, the angular profile and chiseled jawline, the things that make him desirable - they're a burden, more than anything. a reminder that kate only kept him alive because she wanted to fuck him, a reminder that jennifer - who he hasn't even met yet - won't just use him as a guard dog, but use him for fucking fun, too.
scott doesn't have stiles' eyes, bright and amber and beautiful. danny doesn't have the freckles, the moles, the cute little marks that derek wants to press his lips to every time he sees them. jackson doesn't have his nose, malia doesn't have his lips, liam doesn't have his fucking hands. derek has never lied about how attractive he finds stiles, how perfect he believes him to be, how fucking wonderful he is, how fucking beautiful. he's not going to start now.
stiles rummages around in the box of condoms they keep by the bed and derek's eyebrow twitches, but he doesn't say anything yet. he plays with stiles' thigh while he waits for him to settle, ghosting fingertips over soft skin, pressing his lips here and there, just to feel him. stiles' fingers push back through his hair and derek... honestly, derek's never felt better, more safe, than he does here and now, and maybe he never will again. he doesn't think his heart has it to be this intensely, overwhelmingly full. he doesn't understand how all of his feelings for stiles just keep getting bigger. he didn't know he had it in him to love this much.
and then stiles is moving him, getting him into position, and derek willingly obliges. he's on his back with his head at the foot of the bed, and he doesn't need to look at stiles in order to trust him. he arches his neck back, bobbing his adam's apple as he swallows, and he stares glassily at the ceiling high above them. it's - stupid, that he keeps smiling, but he does. it's like every time he tries to press his lips back together to stop it, he can't. he's happy and he's safe and, okay, now he's starting to enjoy the anticipation. even if he is impatient.
stiles asks to see his face, and derek's smile is still there, but far softer. derek stretches out his leg straight, curling his toes, willingly spreading them apart so stiles can have easier access to his body, and the sweeping feeling of nervous vulnerability that settles in his stomach is - kind of exciting, too. if he were with anyone else, he wouldn't just feel so completely and inexplicably taken care of, but stiles? stiles makes him want to give up every ounce of control, give up all the power and assertive dominance he strives to have as an alpha. stiles makes him want to be taken care of. ]
You don't have to ask.
[ anything's okay, if he's with stiles. anything and everything. the world outside this room could tear itself apart, raze itself to the ground, and as long as the two of them were still here, safe and warm and together, he would, without a doubt, survive. this, though? being able to look in the eyes of somebody he loves - being able to completely, hopelessly surrender himself to the arms of the one fucking person he wants to be with until the day he dies, a feeling he's getting more and more sure of every time he fucking looks at him -
yeah. this is okay. fuck, he's getting carried away. ]
Just - as long as this is good for you.
[ because that's all that matters to him, really. he knows he's going to love this, because he knows he loves stiles, but he wants to be sure stiles will love this, too. stiles leans down for a kiss and derek puts his elbows in the sheets, leaning up to meet him, and for all the soft, sleepy energy they've had here, the way they've been whispering more than talking because it's so late, derek puts a lot of energy into this. he takes stiles' light kiss and runs with it, making it deeper, more demanding, and he doesn't go so far as to turn something romantic and beautiful into something lewd, something openly fuelled by his arousal, but fuck, he could. he easily, easily could.
derek leans back on his elbow, dropping his eyes to stiles' hands, and then back up. he puts his weight on one arm, reaches the other to stiles' cock, and gently, slowly starts to jerk him off, holding his length like it's something precious. he strokes stiles and holds eye contact, smile widening again in the dark, and then - quietly - he makes a request. ]
No protection. I want...
[ he doesn't hesitate, exactly, because he feels so fucking safe, so fucking supported, but there's always going to be that flutter of fear in his chest when it comes to stiles. always this baseless fear of being rejected by the one person whose rejection he honestly couldn't bear. ]
[ there is no universe in which stiles can realistically imagine that being with derek wouldn't be good. good is an understatement as it is, but being with derek in any capacity is more than stiles could ever ask for, more than he deserves in any world or in any timeline - but it still touches him kind of deeply, that derek would make a point to make this about stiles just as much as it is about derek.
stiles has never done this before. not outside of the full moon, and he'd never say what happened on the kitchen counter doesn't count, but this, here, is the first time he's gone so far as to ask to switch things up from the norm. and the norm is great, what they regularly get up to is fucking fantastic, but there's something about this night that makes him want to - not necessarily prove something to derek, but to just - provide, in ways that derek usually provides for him instead.
he's nervous. god, he's fucking nervous, but it's okay, because he also feels safe. he doesn't feel scared, just a good kind of anxious, a low simmering excitement. he smiles, and he kisses derek, and when derek takes it further and turns something chaste into something deeper and more intimate, something a little more aggressive, stiles is there. he meets him with equal enthusiasm, drawing in short breaths through his nose, opening his mouth, testing the strength of derek's tongue against his own.
he's panting a little bit by the time derek eases back, his arms starting to shake a little from holding himself up. he drops himself down to his elbows, which narrows the space between them some, but still leaves enough room for derek to reach down and take his cock in hand. stiles sighs, breath warm against derek's cheek. he lifts his head after a beat or two, wanting to look at derek, to see his face just like he said, and derek is looking at him already. he's smiling, and stiles' stomach flips lightly, his heart pattering in his chest.
stiles starts to smile back at him, hips rolling slow and lazy to meet the slide of derek's hand, right up until derek tells him what he wants. his hips stutter and then still, and stiles' eyes widen just the tiniest bit, just centimeter, a millimeter.
no protection, he says, which is fine - that's not entirely new anymore, but he follows that with i want you to come inside me, and - stiles nearly comes right there, right over derek's hand. he drops his head, forehead thumping gently againt derek's chest, hips rolling into his fist again, just once, like he's imagining it. stiles makes a quiet sound, akin to a soft moan. he's still got the lube in his one hand, held in a tight fist now. ]
Jesus... Christ. [ yeah. yeah, that's cool. he's cool with that. stiles smiles suddenly, pressing a rough laugh into derek's chest. he lifts his head after a moment so he can look at him, smile pulling at the edges of his mouth. ] Dude, I am so cool with that.
[ despite his light ribbing, though, he softens, leaving another kiss at the base of derek's throat before he sits back up, gently easing derek's hand off of him so he can rest back on his haunches again. he's got the lube in his other hand, flicks the cap open with a push of his thumb.
he gets nervous again. anticipatory, even though he's still gotta do some prep work before he can even think about pushing his cock into derek. he swallows, shifting his gaze down to his hands, looking past them for a moment at derek's thighs, the way they're spread, his dick, thick and heavy between them. fuck, he's so stunning it hurts.
a little messily, stiles dribbles some lube over the fingers of his left hand, just the index and middle fingers for now. he uses his chin to snap the cap back on, dropping the bottle into the sheets a little off to the side. he uses his thumb to spread the lube over his fingers, slides his right hand one of derek's tight and circles it around to the back of his knee, trying to get him to bend his leg a little, move it up and out. ]
You have to— [ he has to stop to swallow, his voice soft but a little gravely. stiles glances up to look derek in the face for a moment, then looks back down at what he's doing. carefully, gently, he slides the pad of his thumb over the tight ring of muscle, hand trembling just the slightest as he slowly spreads some of the lube on his fingers around. ] You have to tell me if you don't like something. Promise me.
[ stiles waits for a beat, then adjusts the angle of his hand so he can push the tip of his middle finger against derek's hole, gently adding pressure, gently easing inside. his heart is beating fast in his chest, eyes jumping back and forth between his hand between derek's legs and his face, his other hand still spread under the back of one thigh, thumb stroking slowly. ]
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no subject
stiles is just. average. and he's okay with that, mostly. he's been offered more than once now, to become something better, and each time he's turned it down. so average is his own choice, it's what he's able to settle for - but it's not so easy to believe someone else might settle for it too.
derek kisses his forehead, and it honestly does a lot to calm him, to make him feel alright. he breathes a quiet sigh, untucking his fingers from derek's waistband when he leans back to take everything off. stiles watches him for a beat, awed by his everything, really, and then takes the second or two while derek is busy to twist and lean over the edge of the bed, blindly feeling around. he puts his hand in something cold and wet, blinks blearily with mild confusion, but can't bring himself to investigate, continuing to pat at the floor until he finds the small bottle of lube that he's looking for. eventually, they'll get a night stand, and stiles will be able to find the lube in the drawer by muscle memory alone. he fumbles for another second or two, fingers dipping into the box of condoms pushed up against the side of the bed.
when he pulls himself back up, derek's already laid out beside him - and he's beautiful, lightly tanned skin and tight muscle highlighted by the pale light of the moon spilling in through some of the windows. stiles slowly sets the lube and the condom down on the bed somewhere within reach, and just looks at him for a moment. derek touches his fingertips against his side and trails them upward, dragging them lightly over bare skin, and it's not as if derek hasn't touched him everywhere before, it's not like derek has never had his hands underneath stiles' shirt, touching him in all the same places, but it's just - different, like this. derek can see every part of stiles, every inch of skin that he's touching, and it doesn't stop him at all, and that makes stiles feel - well, it's an indescribable feeling, really, but it's somewhere close to overwhelmingly loved.
derek kisses his thigh, lingers there for a moment, and stiles can't resist. he pushes his fingers through derek's hair, slow and gentle, runs his fingertips over the nape of his neck. he watches with tired, lust-cloudy eyes as derek strokes himself, wants to reach down and bat his hand away so he can do it for him the way he should have been doing this entire time.
tell me how you want me derek says, but stiles just wants him everywhere, all the time, in every way. he knows what derek is asking even before he suggests a couple different positions, but stiles doesn't know how he's supposed to choose. he wets his lips, pushing his fingers through derek's hair again, his other hand curling around the crown of his own cock and stroking slowly as he thinks about what he wants.
god, he really wants derek to ride him. he wants to lie back, he wants to feel the weight of him pressing him down, the warmth of him surrounding his cock, the strength of him as he works his thighs. but he also wants him on his back, he wants to hold derek's legs up a little, hands cupped behind his knees, and watch as his cock slides into him, slow and deep.
stiles swallows around a soft sound, fingers dropping to the base of his cock for a moment to give it a tight squeeze before he starts to move, reaching to push and kick his boxers the rest of the way off of his legs before turning and pressing a gentle hand against derek's shoulder, hoping to ease him onto his back. ]
I... want to see your face.
[ he swallows, wets his lips, shifting over and up to put one of his knees between derek's legs. stiles puts a hand on his thigh, carefully easing it out to make more space for him, and then settles on both knees between derek's legs, resting back on his haunches with his knees slightly spread, cock hard and heavy. after a moment, he tilts forward, bracing his hands on either side of derek by his shoulders, leaning down to kiss him lightly. ]
... Is this okay?
[ his hand slides over the sheets a little, fingers closing around the bottle of lube as he waits for approval. ]
no subject
scott doesn't have stiles' eyes, bright and amber and beautiful. danny doesn't have the freckles, the moles, the cute little marks that derek wants to press his lips to every time he sees them. jackson doesn't have his nose, malia doesn't have his lips, liam doesn't have his fucking hands. derek has never lied about how attractive he finds stiles, how perfect he believes him to be, how fucking wonderful he is, how fucking beautiful. he's not going to start now.
stiles rummages around in the box of condoms they keep by the bed and derek's eyebrow twitches, but he doesn't say anything yet. he plays with stiles' thigh while he waits for him to settle, ghosting fingertips over soft skin, pressing his lips here and there, just to feel him. stiles' fingers push back through his hair and derek... honestly, derek's never felt better, more safe, than he does here and now, and maybe he never will again. he doesn't think his heart has it to be this intensely, overwhelmingly full. he doesn't understand how all of his feelings for stiles just keep getting bigger. he didn't know he had it in him to love this much.
and then stiles is moving him, getting him into position, and derek willingly obliges. he's on his back with his head at the foot of the bed, and he doesn't need to look at stiles in order to trust him. he arches his neck back, bobbing his adam's apple as he swallows, and he stares glassily at the ceiling high above them. it's - stupid, that he keeps smiling, but he does. it's like every time he tries to press his lips back together to stop it, he can't. he's happy and he's safe and, okay, now he's starting to enjoy the anticipation. even if he is impatient.
stiles asks to see his face, and derek's smile is still there, but far softer. derek stretches out his leg straight, curling his toes, willingly spreading them apart so stiles can have easier access to his body, and the sweeping feeling of nervous vulnerability that settles in his stomach is - kind of exciting, too. if he were with anyone else, he wouldn't just feel so completely and inexplicably taken care of, but stiles? stiles makes him want to give up every ounce of control, give up all the power and assertive dominance he strives to have as an alpha. stiles makes him want to be taken care of. ]
You don't have to ask.
[ anything's okay, if he's with stiles. anything and everything. the world outside this room could tear itself apart, raze itself to the ground, and as long as the two of them were still here, safe and warm and together, he would, without a doubt, survive. this, though? being able to look in the eyes of somebody he loves - being able to completely, hopelessly surrender himself to the arms of the one fucking person he wants to be with until the day he dies, a feeling he's getting more and more sure of every time he fucking looks at him -
yeah. this is okay. fuck, he's getting carried away. ]
Just - as long as this is good for you.
[ because that's all that matters to him, really. he knows he's going to love this, because he knows he loves stiles, but he wants to be sure stiles will love this, too. stiles leans down for a kiss and derek puts his elbows in the sheets, leaning up to meet him, and for all the soft, sleepy energy they've had here, the way they've been whispering more than talking because it's so late, derek puts a lot of energy into this. he takes stiles' light kiss and runs with it, making it deeper, more demanding, and he doesn't go so far as to turn something romantic and beautiful into something lewd, something openly fuelled by his arousal, but fuck, he could. he easily, easily could.
derek leans back on his elbow, dropping his eyes to stiles' hands, and then back up. he puts his weight on one arm, reaches the other to stiles' cock, and gently, slowly starts to jerk him off, holding his length like it's something precious. he strokes stiles and holds eye contact, smile widening again in the dark, and then - quietly - he makes a request. ]
No protection. I want...
[ he doesn't hesitate, exactly, because he feels so fucking safe, so fucking supported, but there's always going to be that flutter of fear in his chest when it comes to stiles. always this baseless fear of being rejected by the one person whose rejection he honestly couldn't bear. ]
I want you to come in me. If that's... cool.
no subject
stiles has never done this before. not outside of the full moon, and he'd never say what happened on the kitchen counter doesn't count, but this, here, is the first time he's gone so far as to ask to switch things up from the norm. and the norm is great, what they regularly get up to is fucking fantastic, but there's something about this night that makes him want to - not necessarily prove something to derek, but to just - provide, in ways that derek usually provides for him instead.
he's nervous. god, he's fucking nervous, but it's okay, because he also feels safe. he doesn't feel scared, just a good kind of anxious, a low simmering excitement. he smiles, and he kisses derek, and when derek takes it further and turns something chaste into something deeper and more intimate, something a little more aggressive, stiles is there. he meets him with equal enthusiasm, drawing in short breaths through his nose, opening his mouth, testing the strength of derek's tongue against his own.
he's panting a little bit by the time derek eases back, his arms starting to shake a little from holding himself up. he drops himself down to his elbows, which narrows the space between them some, but still leaves enough room for derek to reach down and take his cock in hand. stiles sighs, breath warm against derek's cheek. he lifts his head after a beat or two, wanting to look at derek, to see his face just like he said, and derek is looking at him already. he's smiling, and stiles' stomach flips lightly, his heart pattering in his chest.
stiles starts to smile back at him, hips rolling slow and lazy to meet the slide of derek's hand, right up until derek tells him what he wants. his hips stutter and then still, and stiles' eyes widen just the tiniest bit, just centimeter, a millimeter.
no protection, he says, which is fine - that's not entirely new anymore, but he follows that with i want you to come inside me, and - stiles nearly comes right there, right over derek's hand. he drops his head, forehead thumping gently againt derek's chest, hips rolling into his fist again, just once, like he's imagining it. stiles makes a quiet sound, akin to a soft moan. he's still got the lube in his one hand, held in a tight fist now. ]
Jesus... Christ. [ yeah. yeah, that's cool. he's cool with that. stiles smiles suddenly, pressing a rough laugh into derek's chest. he lifts his head after a moment so he can look at him, smile pulling at the edges of his mouth. ] Dude, I am so cool with that.
[ despite his light ribbing, though, he softens, leaving another kiss at the base of derek's throat before he sits back up, gently easing derek's hand off of him so he can rest back on his haunches again. he's got the lube in his other hand, flicks the cap open with a push of his thumb.
he gets nervous again. anticipatory, even though he's still gotta do some prep work before he can even think about pushing his cock into derek. he swallows, shifting his gaze down to his hands, looking past them for a moment at derek's thighs, the way they're spread, his dick, thick and heavy between them. fuck, he's so stunning it hurts.
a little messily, stiles dribbles some lube over the fingers of his left hand, just the index and middle fingers for now. he uses his chin to snap the cap back on, dropping the bottle into the sheets a little off to the side. he uses his thumb to spread the lube over his fingers, slides his right hand one of derek's tight and circles it around to the back of his knee, trying to get him to bend his leg a little, move it up and out. ]
You have to— [ he has to stop to swallow, his voice soft but a little gravely. stiles glances up to look derek in the face for a moment, then looks back down at what he's doing. carefully, gently, he slides the pad of his thumb over the tight ring of muscle, hand trembling just the slightest as he slowly spreads some of the lube on his fingers around. ] You have to tell me if you don't like something. Promise me.
[ stiles waits for a beat, then adjusts the angle of his hand so he can push the tip of his middle finger against derek's hole, gently adding pressure, gently easing inside. his heart is beating fast in his chest, eyes jumping back and forth between his hand between derek's legs and his face, his other hand still spread under the back of one thigh, thumb stroking slowly. ]