[ stiles gets as far as first time i touched myself thinking about you before he's pushing his chair back, almost a little too suddenly in his scrambled to get up so he can lock the door before he gets too distracted. it probably speaks volumes to how easy he is when it comes to derek, how well he knows himself, how distracted he knows he'll get within a matter of seconds.
he nearly knocks his chair over when he gets up, but he's quick to lock the office door, even quicker getting back into his seat so he can pick his phone up off the desk where he left it. his thumb drags up the screen, pulling derek's text up as he reads, heart already quickening.
the first time stiles touched himself while thinking about derek wasn't after the pool, but sooner. the same day stiles and derek and scott all ran into each other in the woods while looking for scott's stupid inhaler, stiles went home and jerked himself off that night, thinking about the sound of derek's voice, the way he stared at them, the power he seemed to hold just fucking standing there - came within thirty seconds, hardest he'd ever came at the time.
he remembers the pool too, though. after. once the adrenaline had worn off, once everything was calmer, he remembers winding down, combing over the details - remembering the solid pressure of derek's hand on his chest as he turned his back to a fucking kanima so he could push stiles away. keep him safe at the expense of putting himself at risk. he didn't even like stiles - or so stiles had thought - but something about it felt... significant. important. fucking - attractive, and when he spilled over his fist that night, it was to the image of derek's eyes staring back at him the way he had after stiles had reassured him that he was no monster.
stiles slides down into his chair as he reads on, taking one of his hands and resting it on his stomach for a moment like he's trying to be slick or subtle. he lets it slide down, passes his palm over his dick, hard and gently straining against his zipper. every single moment in time between them that derek lists, stiles remembers in vivid detail, but fuck if it doesn't rile him up to hear derek tell his side of things. he exhales slowly through slightly parted lips. swallows as he flexes his fingers slowly around his dick. ]
First time I ever thought about you like that was after you found me in the woods.
[ found us, he should say, but he's only focused on them right now, and certain people don't ever need to be a part of his fantasies, thank you. ]
I couldn't stop thinking about going back out into the woods. Making up some excuse. I imagined you being there. Waiting, maybe. Knowing I would come back. Wanting me to.
[ jesus. it's... been a while since he's thought about this. their first meeting, the strange, new feelings awakened in him, not quite new, but stronger than they'd ever been until then. stiles drags his palm back up, thumbs at the button at the front of his pants. ]
The only thing that stopped me from coming back was the fear of being wrong.
[ and probably a few other things, too. but mainly that. mainly the potential for disappointment. ]
I thought maybe you were going to kiss me when you'd shoved me against the door. Don't ask me why. Would have let you, though. I would have let you do anything.
I wish I'd told you that I loved you in the summer.
no subject
he nearly knocks his chair over when he gets up, but he's quick to lock the office door, even quicker getting back into his seat so he can pick his phone up off the desk where he left it. his thumb drags up the screen, pulling derek's text up as he reads, heart already quickening.
the first time stiles touched himself while thinking about derek wasn't after the pool, but sooner. the same day stiles and derek and scott all ran into each other in the woods while looking for scott's stupid inhaler, stiles went home and jerked himself off that night, thinking about the sound of derek's voice, the way he stared at them, the power he seemed to hold just fucking standing there - came within thirty seconds, hardest he'd ever came at the time.
he remembers the pool too, though. after. once the adrenaline had worn off, once everything was calmer, he remembers winding down, combing over the details - remembering the solid pressure of derek's hand on his chest as he turned his back to a fucking kanima so he could push stiles away. keep him safe at the expense of putting himself at risk. he didn't even like stiles - or so stiles had thought - but something about it felt... significant. important. fucking - attractive, and when he spilled over his fist that night, it was to the image of derek's eyes staring back at him the way he had after stiles had reassured him that he was no monster.
stiles slides down into his chair as he reads on, taking one of his hands and resting it on his stomach for a moment like he's trying to be slick or subtle. he lets it slide down, passes his palm over his dick, hard and gently straining against his zipper. every single moment in time between them that derek lists, stiles remembers in vivid detail, but fuck if it doesn't rile him up to hear derek tell his side of things. he exhales slowly through slightly parted lips. swallows as he flexes his fingers slowly around his dick. ]
First time I ever thought about you like that was after you found me in the woods.
[ found us, he should say, but he's only focused on them right now, and certain people don't ever need to be a part of his fantasies, thank you. ]
I couldn't stop thinking about going back out into the woods.
Making up some excuse.
I imagined you being there. Waiting, maybe.
Knowing I would come back.
Wanting me to.
[ jesus. it's... been a while since he's thought about this. their first meeting, the strange, new feelings awakened in him, not quite new, but stronger than they'd ever been until then. stiles drags his palm back up, thumbs at the button at the front of his pants. ]
The only thing that stopped me from coming back was the fear of being wrong.
[ and probably a few other things, too. but mainly that. mainly the potential for disappointment. ]
I thought maybe you were going to kiss me when you'd shoved me against the door.
Don't ask me why.
Would have let you, though.
I would have let you do anything.
I wish I'd told you that I loved you in the summer.