[ it's a talent, really, how derek manages to make everything sound so condescending and dismissive while also being pretty clearly loving and affectionate. when derek starts talking, he just... talks. says what he's thinking. ]
First time I touched myself thinking about you - we were still back home. We'd spent eight hours in that pool. Trying to stay alive. You kept me above water. Kept me breathing.
[ derek remembers going home. remembers thinking about what stiles did for him. the lifeline he was for him. he thought about the surprisingly strong grip of his hands. the determination to keep him afloat. the stamina. he laid in bed, and his heart was still in his throat, and he thought of stiles saying an abomination, looking at derek like he wasn't the aberration he grew up to believe he was, but a strong, beautiful existence that can be corrupted the same as humanity could. stiles told him he wasn't the disease. that he was just like him. ]
Kept thinking about that time I pushed you against your bedroom door. The time after that where you made me take off my shirt for your friend. Danny. The back of the police car. The woods outside my house. All I could smell was you. The chlorine. Kept imagining how much different all those days could have gone. If I'd pushed you against the door a little harder. Taken my clothes off a little slower. Locked the car from the inside. I was angry. Young. But.
[ ... ]
Would have fucked you. Even back then. Would've fucked you against the bedroom door. Pounding your cock in my fist while I knotted you. Would've kept you all to myself from the start, if you'd let me.
[ stiles gets as far as first time i touched myself thinking about you before he's pushing his chair back, almost a little too suddenly in his scrambled to get up so he can lock the door before he gets too distracted. it probably speaks volumes to how easy he is when it comes to derek, how well he knows himself, how distracted he knows he'll get within a matter of seconds.
he nearly knocks his chair over when he gets up, but he's quick to lock the office door, even quicker getting back into his seat so he can pick his phone up off the desk where he left it. his thumb drags up the screen, pulling derek's text up as he reads, heart already quickening.
the first time stiles touched himself while thinking about derek wasn't after the pool, but sooner. the same day stiles and derek and scott all ran into each other in the woods while looking for scott's stupid inhaler, stiles went home and jerked himself off that night, thinking about the sound of derek's voice, the way he stared at them, the power he seemed to hold just fucking standing there - came within thirty seconds, hardest he'd ever came at the time.
he remembers the pool too, though. after. once the adrenaline had worn off, once everything was calmer, he remembers winding down, combing over the details - remembering the solid pressure of derek's hand on his chest as he turned his back to a fucking kanima so he could push stiles away. keep him safe at the expense of putting himself at risk. he didn't even like stiles - or so stiles had thought - but something about it felt... significant. important. fucking - attractive, and when he spilled over his fist that night, it was to the image of derek's eyes staring back at him the way he had after stiles had reassured him that he was no monster.
stiles slides down into his chair as he reads on, taking one of his hands and resting it on his stomach for a moment like he's trying to be slick or subtle. he lets it slide down, passes his palm over his dick, hard and gently straining against his zipper. every single moment in time between them that derek lists, stiles remembers in vivid detail, but fuck if it doesn't rile him up to hear derek tell his side of things. he exhales slowly through slightly parted lips. swallows as he flexes his fingers slowly around his dick. ]
First time I ever thought about you like that was after you found me in the woods.
[ found us, he should say, but he's only focused on them right now, and certain people don't ever need to be a part of his fantasies, thank you. ]
I couldn't stop thinking about going back out into the woods. Making up some excuse. I imagined you being there. Waiting, maybe. Knowing I would come back. Wanting me to.
[ jesus. it's... been a while since he's thought about this. their first meeting, the strange, new feelings awakened in him, not quite new, but stronger than they'd ever been until then. stiles drags his palm back up, thumbs at the button at the front of his pants. ]
The only thing that stopped me from coming back was the fear of being wrong.
[ and probably a few other things, too. but mainly that. mainly the potential for disappointment. ]
I thought maybe you were going to kiss me when you'd shoved me against the door. Don't ask me why. Would have let you, though. I would have let you do anything.
I wish I'd told you that I loved you in the summer.
I saw you look at my lips. I pushed you against the door. You looked at my lips. I thought about it, after that. Just came to my head. "Is this what he wants?". "What would happen if I gave it to him?". Life would have been a lot easier for me if I'd listened to thoughts like those.
[ or harder for the both of them - after kate, and after jennifer, derek wasn't in any position to feel that way for someone. if he'd acted on things with stiles sooner than he did, he could have broken his heart. what if stiles had told him he loved him during the summer, and then - and then derek came back, and jennifer still got her claws in him? what if they'd kissed under the stars in stiles' jeep, shared clumsy handjobs while the suspension squeaked and rocked beneath them, and then - and then everything still happened the way it had happened?
derek's pants are tight. he twists his thumbs in his waistband, pulls them down past his thighs. ]
I have you, though. Made it here. Made it with you. I can kiss you against a door any time I want. Can kiss you anywhere.
[ he thinks about stiles, sixteen, inexperienced, his age when he was with kate, pounding his cock in his childhood bedroom to the thought of derek taking him on the ground, breeding him in the dirt. derek's breath comes a little faster as he types. ]
Could kiss you in your office. Pin you against it. Kiss your neck. Get on my knees. You could cover my face with your load and I'd thank you for it. Drag my tongue along the base of your cock so I don't miss a drop. Probably would've broken both your ankles if you'd tried to pull that shit on me back then.
[ if derek had kissed him then - pushed him up against his door, stared him down, and then shut him up - stiles doesn't know where it would have taken the two of them. it's hard to imagine how things would have turned out. they were both different people back then compared to the people they are now, but stiles doesn't think it's possible that it could have turned out terribly. maybe he's just naive, though - maybe he just doesn't like to think of the possibility of an unhappy ending for the two of them.
and none of it really matter, anyway, because derek's right; derek has him, and stiles has derek, and even in a place that's put them through the wringer almost, if not more than beacon hills ever had, they've managed to carve out a life here, as normal as possible. they have a house, a home, they have memories and moments and - and fucking rings. stiles has the shape of derek's mouth on his shoulder, and they're talking about getting tattoos, for fuck's sake.
stiles is happy. duplicity aside, stiles is happy, and he's got so much fucking love to give derek that frankly, sometimes it just feels stupid. and derek loves him too. derek hale fucking loves him too, and that's probably the craziest part of it all.
actually, the craziest part is that stiles is seriously considering telling derek to come to the shop so they can fuck in this office, where anyone could walk in, anyone could hear them. stiles fumbles with his zipper, shoves his hand into his underwear, grips his cock loosely. he feels... paranoid, but also a little - thrilled? what the fuck is he even doing. ]
What? If I'd told you I love you, or if I'd tried to come on your face?
[ one is more realistic than the other, but he can't help but fuck with derek a little. ]
Broken ankles are a piece of cake.
[ after ritualistic drowning, possession, being inside of his jeep while a hellhoud flipped the whole fucking thing over, being bitten by some psycho lamprey kid, etc. - maybe broken ankles wouldn't have been too bad in the long run.
kidding - broken ankles would have fucking sucked, but. still.
anyway. blowing his load over derek's face - not something he does very often, but definitely something he really, really enjoys when he does get the opportunity. probably enjoys it a little too much, honestly, but whatever. stiles lifts his ass slightly so he can push his pants down just enough for him to get his dick out, but not far enough that he can't yank them back up if someone decides to bust down the door like a maniac. ]
Could I fuck your throat? If you were here, would you let me?
[ he gets his hand around his dick, strokes it slow a couple times, imagines derek's hot, wet mouth. he should probably lick his palm to make it feel a little more real, but he feels embarrassed even thinking about it for some reason, and honestly, this feels good enough. ]
Can I call you? Texting is hard. I wanna hear you talk to me.
[ he could probably manage texting, but this would absolutely be a lot easier if he didn't have to worry about hitting all the right letters, and could just talk instead. listen to the sound of derek's voice, low and deep and gravelly. he fucking loves the sound of derek's voice, especially when he's spitting straight up filth. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Best lay I've ever had.
[ it's a talent, really, how derek manages to make everything sound so condescending and dismissive while also being pretty clearly loving and affectionate. when derek starts talking, he just... talks. says what he's thinking. ]
First time I touched myself thinking about you - we were still back home.
We'd spent eight hours in that pool. Trying to stay alive. You kept me above water. Kept me breathing.
[ derek remembers going home. remembers thinking about what stiles did for him. the lifeline he was for him. he thought about the surprisingly strong grip of his hands. the determination to keep him afloat. the stamina. he laid in bed, and his heart was still in his throat, and he thought of stiles saying an abomination, looking at derek like he wasn't the aberration he grew up to believe he was, but a strong, beautiful existence that can be corrupted the same as humanity could. stiles told him he wasn't the disease. that he was just like him. ]
Kept thinking about that time I pushed you against your bedroom door. The time after that where you made me take off my shirt for your friend. Danny.
The back of the police car.
The woods outside my house.
All I could smell was you. The chlorine.
Kept imagining how much different all those days could have gone.
If I'd pushed you against the door a little harder.
Taken my clothes off a little slower.
Locked the car from the inside.
I was angry. Young. But.
[ ... ]
Would have fucked you. Even back then.
Would've fucked you against the bedroom door. Pounding your cock in my fist while I knotted you.
Would've kept you all to myself from the start, if you'd let me.
no subject
he nearly knocks his chair over when he gets up, but he's quick to lock the office door, even quicker getting back into his seat so he can pick his phone up off the desk where he left it. his thumb drags up the screen, pulling derek's text up as he reads, heart already quickening.
the first time stiles touched himself while thinking about derek wasn't after the pool, but sooner. the same day stiles and derek and scott all ran into each other in the woods while looking for scott's stupid inhaler, stiles went home and jerked himself off that night, thinking about the sound of derek's voice, the way he stared at them, the power he seemed to hold just fucking standing there - came within thirty seconds, hardest he'd ever came at the time.
he remembers the pool too, though. after. once the adrenaline had worn off, once everything was calmer, he remembers winding down, combing over the details - remembering the solid pressure of derek's hand on his chest as he turned his back to a fucking kanima so he could push stiles away. keep him safe at the expense of putting himself at risk. he didn't even like stiles - or so stiles had thought - but something about it felt... significant. important. fucking - attractive, and when he spilled over his fist that night, it was to the image of derek's eyes staring back at him the way he had after stiles had reassured him that he was no monster.
stiles slides down into his chair as he reads on, taking one of his hands and resting it on his stomach for a moment like he's trying to be slick or subtle. he lets it slide down, passes his palm over his dick, hard and gently straining against his zipper. every single moment in time between them that derek lists, stiles remembers in vivid detail, but fuck if it doesn't rile him up to hear derek tell his side of things. he exhales slowly through slightly parted lips. swallows as he flexes his fingers slowly around his dick. ]
First time I ever thought about you like that was after you found me in the woods.
[ found us, he should say, but he's only focused on them right now, and certain people don't ever need to be a part of his fantasies, thank you. ]
I couldn't stop thinking about going back out into the woods.
Making up some excuse.
I imagined you being there. Waiting, maybe.
Knowing I would come back.
Wanting me to.
[ jesus. it's... been a while since he's thought about this. their first meeting, the strange, new feelings awakened in him, not quite new, but stronger than they'd ever been until then. stiles drags his palm back up, thumbs at the button at the front of his pants. ]
The only thing that stopped me from coming back was the fear of being wrong.
[ and probably a few other things, too. but mainly that. mainly the potential for disappointment. ]
I thought maybe you were going to kiss me when you'd shoved me against the door.
Don't ask me why.
Would have let you, though.
I would have let you do anything.
I wish I'd told you that I loved you in the summer.
no subject
I pushed you against the door. You looked at my lips.
I thought about it, after that.
Just came to my head. "Is this what he wants?". "What would happen if I gave it to him?".
Life would have been a lot easier for me if I'd listened to thoughts like those.
[ or harder for the both of them - after kate, and after jennifer, derek wasn't in any position to feel that way for someone. if he'd acted on things with stiles sooner than he did, he could have broken his heart. what if stiles had told him he loved him during the summer, and then - and then derek came back, and jennifer still got her claws in him? what if they'd kissed under the stars in stiles' jeep, shared clumsy handjobs while the suspension squeaked and rocked beneath them, and then - and then everything still happened the way it had happened?
derek's pants are tight. he twists his thumbs in his waistband, pulls them down past his thighs. ]
I have you, though.
Made it here. Made it with you.
I can kiss you against a door any time I want.
Can kiss you anywhere.
[ he thinks about stiles, sixteen, inexperienced, his age when he was with kate, pounding his cock in his childhood bedroom to the thought of derek taking him on the ground, breeding him in the dirt. derek's breath comes a little faster as he types. ]
Could kiss you in your office.
Pin you against it. Kiss your neck. Get on my knees.
You could cover my face with your load and I'd thank you for it. Drag my tongue along the base of your cock so I don't miss a drop.
Probably would've broken both your ankles if you'd tried to pull that shit on me back then.
no subject
and none of it really matter, anyway, because derek's right; derek has him, and stiles has derek, and even in a place that's put them through the wringer almost, if not more than beacon hills ever had, they've managed to carve out a life here, as normal as possible. they have a house, a home, they have memories and moments and - and fucking rings. stiles has the shape of derek's mouth on his shoulder, and they're talking about getting tattoos, for fuck's sake.
stiles is happy. duplicity aside, stiles is happy, and he's got so much fucking love to give derek that frankly, sometimes it just feels stupid. and derek loves him too. derek hale fucking loves him too, and that's probably the craziest part of it all.
actually, the craziest part is that stiles is seriously considering telling derek to come to the shop so they can fuck in this office, where anyone could walk in, anyone could hear them. stiles fumbles with his zipper, shoves his hand into his underwear, grips his cock loosely. he feels... paranoid, but also a little - thrilled? what the fuck is he even doing. ]
What?
If I'd told you I love you, or if I'd tried to come on your face?
[ one is more realistic than the other, but he can't help but fuck with derek a little. ]
Broken ankles are a piece of cake.
[ after ritualistic drowning, possession, being inside of his jeep while a hellhoud flipped the whole fucking thing over, being bitten by some psycho lamprey kid, etc. - maybe broken ankles wouldn't have been too bad in the long run.
kidding - broken ankles would have fucking sucked, but. still.
anyway. blowing his load over derek's face - not something he does very often, but definitely something he really, really enjoys when he does get the opportunity. probably enjoys it a little too much, honestly, but whatever. stiles lifts his ass slightly so he can push his pants down just enough for him to get his dick out, but not far enough that he can't yank them back up if someone decides to bust down the door like a maniac. ]
Could I fuck your throat?
If you were here, would you let me?
[ he gets his hand around his dick, strokes it slow a couple times, imagines derek's hot, wet mouth. he should probably lick his palm to make it feel a little more real, but he feels embarrassed even thinking about it for some reason, and honestly, this feels good enough. ]
Can I call you?
Texting is hard.
I wanna hear you talk to me.
[ he could probably manage texting, but this would absolutely be a lot easier if he didn't have to worry about hitting all the right letters, and could just talk instead. listen to the sound of derek's voice, low and deep and gravelly. he fucking loves the sound of derek's voice, especially when he's spitting straight up filth. ]