[ Yeah, okay, he remembers. He remembers taking Jackson to the house, being confused when he remembered the staircase, the walls. He remembers the way Jackson cried, saying I don't deserve this, and he remembers trying to drill a lesson into Jackson, even before either of them really knew why he was doing it. He remembers Scott. He remembers the attack on the house.
Derek takes some time before he replies. ]
Well, you're not begging for your life anymore, are you? Things are different here. What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to say that getting past everything was easy when you were back in Beacon Hills, or Mexico or who the fuck know where. But you're here, and being in your Pack means I need to trust you. Neither of us went about it the right way the first time around, never mind the kanima shit. You tried to kill me, and if you weren't going to, you sure as hell made me believe I was a loose end unworthy of the bite you were offering. And then you bit me, and nothing got better.
But, it was better, Derek. In London.
If I say yes, you do this the right way. You have Pack for the right reasons. If there's a war to be fought, it's our war. We trust each other.
Here, in this city, I trust you. I don't want to be wrong about that.
[ That's not much of a response, and Derek knows it. He dwells on whether or not he wants to open up to Jackson Fucking Whittemore, of all people, but it's - important that they talk about this. ]
My sister had just died. My uncle was the one who killed her. There was this kid - Scott - who was, essentially, an omega. Vulnerable. Easy prey. Dating an Argent. Every time I tried to help him, he accused me of trying to kill him. He called the cops on me when he dug up Laura's grave. And then there was you. Naive and narcissistic. You treated everything like it was just a game. I thought you were stupid. You didn't know how dangerous being a wolf could be. I was scared. Angry. All the time. At you. At myself. At the world. When I became an Alpha, I thought it would stop me from feeling like that. Scared, angry. It didn't. For a while, things were almost worse.
[ and then erica died. and then boyd. isaac left him. there's another pause. he's about to lie a little, but it's for the greater good. ]
I'm not scared here. Not angry. I know better, this time. I know how to be an Alpha, I know how to take care of people. I know how to take care of myself. Trusting me might be a mistake. That's up to you to figure out. But I'm not - like that anymore. Violent and impulsive. Judgmental. I can do better.
( It's not a good response, but the same is true for Jackson.
And then Derek owns up. He owns up to his anger, to treating Scott - to mistreating Scott. Jackson, too, thought becoming something else would make things better but that didn't happen, not because of the bite. Like Derek, things were worse. )
I'm not scared and I was angry, at this city and what it made me do. But, that's what this city does. You've been through it once and I understand it now. I don't think trusting you will be a mistake. Scott McCall trusts you in the future. And I trust you now.
Do better, because I will too.
I'm studying to be a lawyer here so I can make a difference.
And if I didn't actually say it, then yes, Derek. I accept you as my Alpha. I don't know what fanfare comes over text or if I feel any different, but.
Didn't think you had the brains to be a lawyer. Let alone the temperament.
[ No offense. He's joking. Derek's pretty hit-and-miss when it comes to making jokes, though, so maybe that just reads like an insult. Shit. Hold on. ]
I don't know if being a lawyer will change anything. But it's good of you to try. I hope it works out. Let me know if I can do anything too help you.
I'm not going to uproot your life. I'm not going to... force you to live with me, or... force you to give up your goals and aspirations to make the pack your life. I held onto my pack back home too tightly. Things broke. I'm not doing that again. I want you to feel independent. You spent years away from me. Years without an Alpha, as far as I can tell. You survived it. You don't need me to survive. But.
I guess I just want you to know that I'll be here. I'll do everything an Alpha should do. Look out for you, have your back. Protect you when things get rough. There are other people I want in my pack. Wheels are turning. I can let you know if anyone else takes the bite - or I can keep our Alpha/Beta relationship just between us. It's your choice.
No. Tell me. When or if you give it to them. I deserve to know.
My confidence in your house hunting abilities isn't high, but if it's not an abandoned subway station or a burnt down house in the middle of the woods, I'd consider it.
Also, there are others I'm starting to consider my pack, others I trust. I know McCall's Pack was made up of more than shapeshifters. Does pack in your eyes extend to people I trust?
I'm not... like Scott. I can't trust people based on word of mouth alone. If they're important to you - good. Fine. I'm not going to intrude on that. They aren't my pack. But they can be yours.
What do you have against abandoned subway stations? They're enclosed. Safe.
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Derek takes some time before he replies. ]
Well, you're not begging for your life anymore, are you? Things are different here.
What are you trying to say?
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But, it was better, Derek. In London.
If I say yes, you do this the right way. You have Pack for the right reasons. If there's a war to be fought, it's our war. We trust each other.
Here, in this city, I trust you. I don't want to be wrong about that.
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I'm not the same person I was back then.
[ That's not much of a response, and Derek knows it. He dwells on whether or not he wants to open up to Jackson Fucking Whittemore, of all people, but it's - important that they talk about this. ]
My sister had just died. My uncle was the one who killed her.
There was this kid - Scott - who was, essentially, an omega. Vulnerable. Easy prey. Dating an Argent.
Every time I tried to help him, he accused me of trying to kill him. He called the cops on me when he dug up Laura's grave.
And then there was you. Naive and narcissistic. You treated everything like it was just a game. I thought you were stupid. You didn't know how dangerous being a wolf could be.
I was scared. Angry. All the time.
At you. At myself. At the world.
When I became an Alpha, I thought it would stop me from feeling like that. Scared, angry. It didn't. For a while, things were almost worse.
[ and then erica died. and then boyd. isaac left him. there's another pause. he's about to lie a little, but it's for the greater good. ]
I'm not scared here. Not angry. I know better, this time. I know how to be an Alpha, I know how to take care of people. I know how to take care of myself.
Trusting me might be a mistake. That's up to you to figure out.
But I'm not - like that anymore. Violent and impulsive. Judgmental.
I can do better.
no subject
And then Derek owns up. He owns up to his anger, to treating Scott - to mistreating Scott. Jackson, too, thought becoming something else would make things better but that didn't happen, not because of the bite. Like Derek, things were worse. )
I'm not scared and I was angry, at this city and what it made me do. But, that's what this city does. You've been through it once and I understand it now. I don't think trusting you will be a mistake. Scott McCall trusts you in the future. And I trust you now.
Do better, because I will too.
I'm studying to be a lawyer here so I can make a difference.
And if I didn't actually say it, then yes, Derek. I accept you as my Alpha. I don't know what fanfare comes over text or if I feel any different, but.
The answer is yes.
no subject
[ No offense. He's joking. Derek's pretty hit-and-miss when it comes to making jokes, though, so maybe that just reads like an insult. Shit. Hold on. ]
I don't know if being a lawyer will change anything.
But it's good of you to try. I hope it works out.
Let me know if I can do anything too help you.
I'm not going to uproot your life. I'm not going to... force you to live with me, or... force you to give up your goals and aspirations to make the pack your life.
I held onto my pack back home too tightly. Things broke. I'm not doing that again.
I want you to feel independent. You spent years away from me. Years without an Alpha, as far as I can tell.
You survived it. You don't need me to survive. But.
I guess I just want you to know that I'll be here. I'll do everything an Alpha should do. Look out for you, have your back. Protect you when things get rough.
There are other people I want in my pack. Wheels are turning.
I can let you know if anyone else takes the bite - or I can keep our Alpha/Beta relationship just between us.
It's your choice.
no subject
My confidence in your house hunting abilities isn't high, but if it's not an abandoned subway station or a burnt down house in the middle of the woods, I'd consider it.
Also, there are others I'm starting to consider my pack, others I trust. I know McCall's Pack was made up of more than shapeshifters. Does pack in your eyes extend to people I trust?
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If they're important to you - good. Fine. I'm not going to intrude on that.
They aren't my pack. But they can be yours.
What do you have against abandoned subway stations?
They're enclosed. Safe.
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Werewolves don't get sick.
Rats are a healthy and easy snack.
[ kidding. he gets jackson's point. ]
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