[ Derek has this guilty, nagging feeling in the back of his mind, listening to Tate talk. He's always thought of himself as more of a mentor or a protector of Tate than something more romantic, but Duplicity goes out of its way to blur lines and heighten ambiguity. Maybe he's said things he shouldn't have, here and there, and maybe Tate's done the same - maybe he should've been more responsible in how he handled things between them, if it would have kept Tate from feeling like his relationship with Derek might impact his relationship with Stiles. It wouldn't. Or, fuck, christ, maybe it would. Derek doesn't know.
What he does know, though, is that Tate's jumping ahead a little too much, here. Derek just - dismisses this, idle and quick. ]
I haven't been thinking about dating him again. He's had a lot going on, and frankly, so have I.
[ With Stiles dealing with shit from home and trying to settle in, Derek's mostly just been navigating minefields trying to keep Stiles' past time here a secret - he hasn't allowed himself to wonder if he wants to pursue a relationship with Stiles again, but it's a daunting idea, given that they'd have to build so much up from scratch. He's not sure he has the guts. ]
I actually feel kind of stupid, actually. I spent a year waiting for him to come back - and now that he's here and doesn't remember me, it's just... I feel embarrassed for pining for so long. I don't know.
[ A pause. Derek looks at Tate, cautiously trying to gauge his reaction. He doesn't know if he wants Tate to agree with him on what he's about to say or not. ]
I feel like I've been kind of pathetic. I mean - I've kept half of what he owned exactly where he left it before he went home. I've got an entire guest room locked off because he kept all his research in there, and I didn't want to disturb it. I mean, for fuck's sake, I barely even sleep in my own bed, because that's where he used to sleep, and it feels... just...
[ Hard. Sad. It doesn't matter, so Derek trails off. Derek doesn't sound particularly sad while he's talking about all this, only frustrated, maybe a bit embarrassed. What was the point of caring so much and worrying so much if Stiles was just going to forget him? Feels like the world played him for a chump. Again. ]
I think I know what it's like. Only Violet's never come back.
[Tate held off on giving up hope, and to this day he still thinks about her time to time. What he'd do if she did show up again, a thought stirred up recently by his discussions with Harley. The same could be said for Sabrina or Peter, though Tate's fixations on other people have really been what's carried him by without losing his shit over losing those people. He's been able to jump person to person, finding someone new to obsess over. Finding Derek to be an anchor he's the most focused on now, hearing things about Stiles that make him feel a bit cold inside.
The way Derek talks about roped off rooms and not sleeping in the bed they once shared, though? It makes Tate feel like he's been challenged to taint those lingering ideas, to paint himself over where Stiles once sat so that Derek can see him instead. He's happy to hear Derek's not quick to jump back into pursuing Stiles. Tate, a jealous little gremlin, is already trying to think of how to keep that from happening by his own hand.]
It took some time but I moved on. Letting go was really hard though, but... would it be the same otherwise? I think I'd be disappointed if she came back and forgot everything we had. Rebuilding it would feel fake.
[He shrugs, mild expression given as he glances up to Derek's face to try and read his response.]
I was so lucky when you came back. You remembered me.
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What he does know, though, is that Tate's jumping ahead a little too much, here. Derek just - dismisses this, idle and quick. ]
I haven't been thinking about dating him again. He's had a lot going on, and frankly, so have I.
[ With Stiles dealing with shit from home and trying to settle in, Derek's mostly just been navigating minefields trying to keep Stiles' past time here a secret - he hasn't allowed himself to wonder if he wants to pursue a relationship with Stiles again, but it's a daunting idea, given that they'd have to build so much up from scratch. He's not sure he has the guts. ]
I actually feel kind of stupid, actually. I spent a year waiting for him to come back - and now that he's here and doesn't remember me, it's just... I feel embarrassed for pining for so long. I don't know.
[ A pause. Derek looks at Tate, cautiously trying to gauge his reaction. He doesn't know if he wants Tate to agree with him on what he's about to say or not. ]
I feel like I've been kind of pathetic. I mean - I've kept half of what he owned exactly where he left it before he went home. I've got an entire guest room locked off because he kept all his research in there, and I didn't want to disturb it. I mean, for fuck's sake, I barely even sleep in my own bed, because that's where he used to sleep, and it feels... just...
[ Hard. Sad. It doesn't matter, so Derek trails off. Derek doesn't sound particularly sad while he's talking about all this, only frustrated, maybe a bit embarrassed. What was the point of caring so much and worrying so much if Stiles was just going to forget him? Feels like the world played him for a chump. Again. ]
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[Tate held off on giving up hope, and to this day he still thinks about her time to time. What he'd do if she did show up again, a thought stirred up recently by his discussions with Harley. The same could be said for Sabrina or Peter, though Tate's fixations on other people have really been what's carried him by without losing his shit over losing those people. He's been able to jump person to person, finding someone new to obsess over. Finding Derek to be an anchor he's the most focused on now, hearing things about Stiles that make him feel a bit cold inside.
The way Derek talks about roped off rooms and not sleeping in the bed they once shared, though? It makes Tate feel like he's been challenged to taint those lingering ideas, to paint himself over where Stiles once sat so that Derek can see him instead. He's happy to hear Derek's not quick to jump back into pursuing Stiles. Tate, a jealous little gremlin, is already trying to think of how to keep that from happening by his own hand.]
It took some time but I moved on. Letting go was really hard though, but... would it be the same otherwise? I think I'd be disappointed if she came back and forgot everything we had. Rebuilding it would feel fake.
[He shrugs, mild expression given as he glances up to Derek's face to try and read his response.]
I was so lucky when you came back. You remembered me.