[ Not all the way - of course not all the way - drugs just die in his system, his cells regenerate too quickly to feel the effects of them. He understands the need, though. The yawning, aching void in your stomach and your chest and your head that just gets bigger and darker and sharper. The horrible noise you can't keep quiet, so you drown it out with louder, bigger things. ]
After - the fire, it was just me and my sister. I don't remember the first couple of years very well. I slept a lot, worked out a lot. Got in fights. Fucked. Things I didn't want to do, but did, because they were the only outs I had.
[ He still feels like that, sometimes. A need to run through the woods until his legs give out and he collapses, near-dead, maybe for good. He's felt it less, since Stiles. Tate's too young to grapple with something like that. He's too young to need an out. ]
I know - the draw. I just... don't... think it'll help you.
[Tate doesn't know what to say, so he stays quiet for little bit; he tugs down the sleeves of his shirt, and rubs his thumb over his nail beds one by one as if to inspect them. It gives him something to look at that isn't Derek, while he tries to think of what to reply with. Defending his habits won't fly well. Explaining the need for them? Probably not, either.]
I just want to feel balanced. I don't think I ever have.
[He always expected to, or hinged his belief he could be on someone. But was he ever?]
Maybe with my girlfriend. But I only have so many options here, y'know.
[ And he could repeat himself - make it clear, again, that he wants to be a balancing force for Tate - but he's done it enough, and anymore will feel empty and cheap. He needs to show Tate that he wants to balance him, that he wants to be there for him. Tate doesn't carve power and hope, the way that Boyd, Erica and Isaac did. He just wants to be normal.
He needs to figure out how to sway him to the bite. It would fix all his problems. Save him. Derek wants to save him.
Derek takes a breath, looks up at the ceiling, shifting his weight. Everything feels distant, suddenly. Beacon Hills, his family. He's realizing with this fine, precise awareness that everything he's ever known is - kind of in the past. This isn't the first time he's realized he's the only Hale left alive, but it might hit him harder now than it has before. There's a long stretch of silence before he finds his voice again. ]
I wish I could do more than just promise to be here.
[Tate's voice is soft and low, and he's chewing on his nails again. He's used to promises. Kept or otherwise, the majority of them let him down. People let him down. But if Derek wants to actually make vows and promises? Keeping them is going to be what has Tate trust him indefinitely. The way he wants to.]
I'm trusting you so... that's all you need to do for now.
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no subject
[ Not all the way - of course not all the way - drugs just die in his system, his cells regenerate too quickly to feel the effects of them. He understands the need, though. The yawning, aching void in your stomach and your chest and your head that just gets bigger and darker and sharper. The horrible noise you can't keep quiet, so you drown it out with louder, bigger things. ]
After - the fire, it was just me and my sister. I don't remember the first couple of years very well. I slept a lot, worked out a lot. Got in fights. Fucked. Things I didn't want to do, but did, because they were the only outs I had.
[ He still feels like that, sometimes. A need to run through the woods until his legs give out and he collapses, near-dead, maybe for good. He's felt it less, since Stiles. Tate's too young to grapple with something like that. He's too young to need an out. ]
I know - the draw. I just... don't... think it'll help you.
no subject
I just want to feel balanced. I don't think I ever have.
[He always expected to, or hinged his belief he could be on someone. But was he ever?]
Maybe with my girlfriend. But I only have so many options here, y'know.
no subject
[ And he could repeat himself - make it clear, again, that he wants to be a balancing force for Tate - but he's done it enough, and anymore will feel empty and cheap. He needs to show Tate that he wants to balance him, that he wants to be there for him. Tate doesn't carve power and hope, the way that Boyd, Erica and Isaac did. He just wants to be normal.
He needs to figure out how to sway him to the bite. It would fix all his problems. Save him. Derek wants to save him.
Derek takes a breath, looks up at the ceiling, shifting his weight. Everything feels distant, suddenly. Beacon Hills, his family. He's realizing with this fine, precise awareness that everything he's ever known is - kind of in the past. This isn't the first time he's realized he's the only Hale left alive, but it might hit him harder now than it has before. There's a long stretch of silence before he finds his voice again. ]
I wish I could do more than just promise to be here.
no subject
[Tate's voice is soft and low, and he's chewing on his nails again. He's used to promises. Kept or otherwise, the majority of them let him down. People let him down. But if Derek wants to actually make vows and promises? Keeping them is going to be what has Tate trust him indefinitely. The way he wants to.]
I'm trusting you so... that's all you need to do for now.