[Tate chews on his lower lip, peeling bits of skin off with his teeth as his gaze shifts around through the states of processing all this information. He wants that pull, that hook, that value. But he's - hesitant, maybe, because there seems to be a lot at stake too. Would he be giving Violet more reason to fear him now? That's something he'll have to consider. He weakly wonders if she'd ever take the bite too, and be part of the pack.
Never. Why would she?
He nods his head, looking down at the sand as he draws his fingers through it to rake out lines. They absently start spiraling in on themselves, and he doesn't notice what he's drawing - the triskele is just a byproduct of a distracted mind.]
I don't think of you as a monster. Or dangerous. You're...
[He looks guilty, glancing up. Like - it's silly to say:]
[ Humans don't say things like that to Derek. There's Stiles, obviously - but he's an exception, he's always been an exception. This stabilising force Derek clings to. His anchor. There was... Paige, and there was Kate, but Paige is gone and Kate was a liar.
Tate throws him, a little. He's been kind like this before, but Derek's been dodging bringing up what Tate said - his fear of being dangerous, his desire to be normal. It felt like a rejection, a dealbreaker, waiting just beneath the surface of all of this, and for Tate to just so quickly dismiss Derek's worries and see him as someone better than just teeth and tearing and blood, it's -
A lot. ]
That's... what I want to be.
[ Safety. Derek swallows. ]
If you... if you do decide to take the bite...
[ Derek doesn't want to push this. Doesn't want to make Tate feel cornered or emotionally manipulated into taking the bite, even though the scales are swinging so clearly in that direction already. He looks at the guilt in him, the self-consciousness, and he just wants to take that away. To protect him, the way an Alpha should. ]
If you take the bite - you'll be my only beta here. I'll - give you everything I can give you. Attention, love, safety. Strength. Taking care of you will be one of my absolute, highest priorities. Anything you want, anything you need - all you'll have to do is ask for it, and I'll give it to you.
[ Tate matters to him. He'll only matter more, if this happens. Derek takes another long, long breath, and he pushes his attempt at being honest a little further. ]
I wasn't a good Alpha, back home. I want to be better here.
[ For Tate. For himself. For Stiles, if only to make him proud. For Erica, for Boyd, for Isaac. For Jackson. Laura. Scott. Fuck, even for Peter. So many things ride on.doing better. He wants to do so much better. ]
[It's funny how you can almost compare the Dominant and Submissive relation directly to Derek in this instant, and wonder how he could ever find issue with this city if that's all he wants to be - the Alpha to a Beta. Tate doesn't realize it now but it may come to him later that there's a strange difference when it comes to his feelings toward fitting in as Submissive and the want to be a Beta. If he felt this desired, would he be a better sub? Would he embrace this world a bit better if he could understand that the way he wants this?
Maybe it's the same. Maybe he just needs to find the same in those means, too.
He just nods his head and listens to that, cupped fingers dragging a line of sand over the drawings he'd left indented, folding it all back over itself to once again lay flat. He wants to ask why Derek wasn't a good Alpha but it doesn't feel like the moment. He might get an honest answer but - honestly, he's asked enough. He also feels... tired.]
I'll think on it - I want to... to think it through. And not be rash, even if I think I already know what I want. Whatever I pick though, you'll still... we can still be close, right?
[ They've - reached the end of this, Derek can tell. He runs his tongue over the dry, cracked flesh of his bottom lip, looking down and watching Tate's spirals disappear. It feels like a closed door, and that's - fine. Erica and Isaac and Boyd were desperate for the bite, they jumped on the offer. Tate isn't desperate. Derek's known this might not be for him.
He's just - being pushy.
Tate asks for time, asks if they can still be close, and Derek nods, slow and stilted. ]
Yeah.
[ And he doesn't say it, but it's there in his tone - just not as close as we could be. ]
[Tate looks - saddened, like he can tell he's not as important to Derek if he's not willing to be bitten. Which he is, immensely so, but he's a boy whose poet souls still wishes to mean something of its own merit. He swallows hard and looks down at the sand, thinking quietly to himself what it would mean to just - say yes, here and now. He has time, he needs to take that time. To pretend he's rational and sane.]
Okay. I'll - I'll tell you when I know.
["I already know."]
This is where - where you gotta tell me any freaky shit, though. Like how bad's the flea deal.
[ Derek nods, leaning back in the sand again, staring up at the sky. Lots of ways this conversation could have gone. He's not sure if this was the best outcome for either of them, but - there's a shift here, now. A new shape to their relationship. ]
No fleas. Just, you know. Insatiable arousal on the full moon. Slightly more carnivorous appetite. Giant, shapeshifting dick.
[ At least one of those things is true. Derek hits Tate with a neutral, lazy stare, the kind of expression that makes it difficult to tell how serious he is, but. It doesn't last. There's something else on his mind - something small enough to nag at him, guilting him for lying by omission. Something he feels he needs to bring up.
This is a huge, huge offer, and not providing full disclosure is - manipulative, in the end. Derek doesn't want to... do this, but he can't keep trying to weakly convince himself he's a good person if he doesn't. Slowly, he adds something else. ]
We heal fast. Hurt less. Drugs and alcohol won't get you wasted. Your cells regenerate too quickly for anything like that to take.
[Joking, mostly because - giant shapeshifting dick? That almost makes him laugh, but the moment feels just shy of funny. So he smiles slightly and shifts, returning to drawing lines in the sand - triangles this time. He pauses after joining two lines with a third, staring down at the sand before slowly drawing his eyes up to Derek when he lets that second shoe drop.
Well, he can't say he didn't expect this. He knew this? He knew this about Derek. And yet it feels like he was just kicked in the teeth, reeling for a second when he thinks just far enough ahead to apply those facts to his own life. Forced sobriety's a small send off for deep roots of connection and fucking furry superpowers, but even still.]
Oh. Right.
[He blinks his gaze away, slight frown as he looks back down to the sand.]
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no subject
Never. Why would she?
He nods his head, looking down at the sand as he draws his fingers through it to rake out lines. They absently start spiraling in on themselves, and he doesn't notice what he's drawing - the triskele is just a byproduct of a distracted mind.]
I don't think of you as a monster. Or dangerous. You're...
[He looks guilty, glancing up. Like - it's silly to say:]
You feel like safety to me.
no subject
Tate throws him, a little. He's been kind like this before, but Derek's been dodging bringing up what Tate said - his fear of being dangerous, his desire to be normal. It felt like a rejection, a dealbreaker, waiting just beneath the surface of all of this, and for Tate to just so quickly dismiss Derek's worries and see him as someone better than just teeth and tearing and blood, it's -
A lot. ]
That's... what I want to be.
[ Safety. Derek swallows. ]
If you... if you do decide to take the bite...
[ Derek doesn't want to push this. Doesn't want to make Tate feel cornered or emotionally manipulated into taking the bite, even though the scales are swinging so clearly in that direction already. He looks at the guilt in him, the self-consciousness, and he just wants to take that away. To protect him, the way an Alpha should. ]
If you take the bite - you'll be my only beta here. I'll - give you everything I can give you. Attention, love, safety. Strength. Taking care of you will be one of my absolute, highest priorities. Anything you want, anything you need - all you'll have to do is ask for it, and I'll give it to you.
[ Tate matters to him. He'll only matter more, if this happens. Derek takes another long, long breath, and he pushes his attempt at being honest a little further. ]
I wasn't a good Alpha, back home. I want to be better here.
[ For Tate. For himself. For Stiles, if only to make him proud. For Erica, for Boyd, for Isaac. For Jackson. Laura. Scott. Fuck, even for Peter. So many things ride on.doing better. He wants to do so much better. ]
no subject
Maybe it's the same. Maybe he just needs to find the same in those means, too.
He just nods his head and listens to that, cupped fingers dragging a line of sand over the drawings he'd left indented, folding it all back over itself to once again lay flat. He wants to ask why Derek wasn't a good Alpha but it doesn't feel like the moment. He might get an honest answer but - honestly, he's asked enough. He also feels... tired.]
I'll think on it - I want to... to think it through. And not be rash, even if I think I already know what I want. Whatever I pick though, you'll still... we can still be close, right?
no subject
He's just - being pushy.
Tate asks for time, asks if they can still be close, and Derek nods, slow and stilted. ]
Yeah.
[ And he doesn't say it, but it's there in his tone - just not as close as we could be. ]
no subject
Okay. I'll - I'll tell you when I know.
["I already know."]
This is where - where you gotta tell me any freaky shit, though. Like how bad's the flea deal.
no subject
No fleas. Just, you know. Insatiable arousal on the full moon. Slightly more carnivorous appetite. Giant, shapeshifting dick.
[ At least one of those things is true. Derek hits Tate with a neutral, lazy stare, the kind of expression that makes it difficult to tell how serious he is, but. It doesn't last. There's something else on his mind - something small enough to nag at him, guilting him for lying by omission. Something he feels he needs to bring up.
This is a huge, huge offer, and not providing full disclosure is - manipulative, in the end. Derek doesn't want to... do this, but he can't keep trying to weakly convince himself he's a good person if he doesn't. Slowly, he adds something else. ]
We heal fast. Hurt less. Drugs and alcohol won't get you wasted. Your cells regenerate too quickly for anything like that to take.
no subject
[Joking, mostly because - giant shapeshifting dick? That almost makes him laugh, but the moment feels just shy of funny. So he smiles slightly and shifts, returning to drawing lines in the sand - triangles this time. He pauses after joining two lines with a third, staring down at the sand before slowly drawing his eyes up to Derek when he lets that second shoe drop.
Well, he can't say he didn't expect this. He knew this? He knew this about Derek. And yet it feels like he was just kicked in the teeth, reeling for a second when he thinks just far enough ahead to apply those facts to his own life. Forced sobriety's a small send off for deep roots of connection and fucking furry superpowers, but even still.]
Oh. Right.
[He blinks his gaze away, slight frown as he looks back down to the sand.]
I guess that makes sense.