[Good to know, about his deal with Stiles. Not that Tate feels any guilt or compulsion to talk about the "movie night" situation any time soon - or ever, in fact - but knowing that the two of them had agreed to mutual... silence? Well, it's interesting, to say the least. Tate cocks his head to the side, rereading the text before forming his reply.]
that's just the thing, I don't know if I could I think I'd try, if I had to, maybe do something like you guys I get kind of jealous too.
[ Derek couldn't exactly be casual like that, either, so. Yeah. Jealousy. He gets it. ]
Yeah. Last time was... at the hotel, actually. Right before I met up with you. I actually got around quite a bit, when I first got here. Before Stiles. Thought it would make me feel more in control of myself. It didn't.
[ Stiles is the only person who's ever really made him feel - okay, here. Safe and in control. Tate's come close, but. Well. They've had a lot of turbulence. ]
[ right. yeah. he's, well. been there. his gut kind of twists, and he wonders if weird means-- bad, but he's not... entirely sure how to breach that. "did you get hurt" seems like such a big leap to make, but... ]
the last two times I tried to hook up with strangers it went ok but turns out it was the same dude. twice. we stopped caring about anonymity after that weird odds, right
I guess. Not really, actually. Probably hooked up with each other in the first place based on some kind of physical attraction. Makes sense that you'd hook up with him again. Not the worst way to find a stable partner in this place. Better than being drugged.
[ he's kind of feeling prickly about asking all this, actually. topic change. ]
This guy you've been thinking about - the sub. Is he the type to get jealous, do you think?
[ Derek... thinks about Violet, but. He's always assuming the best of Tate. If he's found someone who makes him happy, then - it's not weird for him to move on. It's just... how healing works. ]
Kinda feel like you should just bite the bullet and ask if he wants to be your boyfriend.
I feel like right now it's better to leave things 2 sit what if he disappears next week? I know everything's uncertain but don't know if I'm up for feeling a lot of feelings right now
we're still close. gonna hang out and stuff but it'd feel like getting my hopes up for a happy ending when I'm still kinda low from everything rn
plus we're both subs. getting too attached is a recipe for disaster
[ That's fair, and Derek gets it - shit, a part of him is really, genuinely relieved, honestly, because he's not sure he could handle Tate showing up on his doorstep in tears again - but man, Derek just wants him to have a good life. A nice, sweet kid could be just what he needs. The kind of softness Derek just doesn't have to offer. ]
Well... there's no rush. If hanging out makes you happy, hanging out makes you happy. Finding ways to be happy is all you can really do, in a city like this. I mean. That and fucking all your friends.
Sounds like it might be your loss. Maybe your friends would cash in on getting blown if they felt more appreciated. Wined and dined a little.
[ He's really not sure how to bounce back onto the Violet thing without ruining the atmosphere. Feels like making blowjob jokes has always been the easiest way to avoid dwelling in sad shit, with Tate. Still... ]
Listen - things are going to be weird for a while. You lost someone important to you. It's not going to feel weird forever. It's not like home, here. You can adapt. Change. Grow.
[ sounds like tate's friend has crippling guilt about not being good enough to be his friend and feels like he deserves to be put up with, rather than appreciated. but. hey go off. ]
You were stuck. Right? I... know you don't like talking about this, but - You were stagnating. For years. And - I've been watching you. I've seen you live life in excess, since coming here. Like you're catching up. The party I brought you home from, the heartache carved out of you by Violet's loss. The rejection you felt, back at Fort Harmony. Everything must feel so fucking loud, after being caught in stasis for so long. The world. Your emotions. Everything. Life. All of it. Growth and change and evolution, it's - all here for you, it's just hard to find under all the noise.
no, i guess that's right I couldn't I didn't go outside for a long time.
once, I did, because
[It's not like it's a huge secret.]
on halloween, things are different. spirits can walk the world of the living that kind of thing. I never went out except for, well. my first date with violet. we went to the beach and it it was really nice. I feel that way here again, like I can enjoy these things I never thought I'd have again.
[ Derek... should have let Violet come to the beach. He should have told Tate he could bring her here while she was still around. Derek's chest hurts. He's never doing enough, for Tate. He's always making things worse. ]
I'm sorry. I'm glad you feel that way again. I hope I've been a part of that. However small.
Listen - this is a long shot, and maybe kind of a weird thing to say - But if you and this kid you like do end up... trying to be something, far off in the future... Maybe I could meet him? Talk to him. And then, I don't know. You guys could spend some time together at the beach, maybe. If he's cool. If I decide I like him.
Which I probably won't. Jury's still out on if I even like you. Hell, jury's still out on if I like Stiles.
Maybe. Very, very, very tentative maybe. Might have to blindfold him on the way there. And on the way back. And I might have to walk you two down to the furthest end of the beach, so he never sees the den. But.
Wish I'd known you back home. Somehow. I would have taken you away from everything. Not that my life was much better, but... at least I could have looked after you.
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that's just the thing, I don't know if I could
I think I'd try, if I had to, maybe do something like you guys
I get kind of jealous too.
have you been with anyone besides him here?
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[ Derek couldn't exactly be casual like that, either, so. Yeah. Jealousy. He gets it. ]
Yeah. Last time was... at the hotel, actually. Right before I met up with you.
I actually got around quite a bit, when I first got here. Before Stiles.
Thought it would make me feel more in control of myself.
It didn't.
[ Stiles is the only person who's ever really made him feel - okay, here. Safe and in control. Tate's come close, but. Well. They've had a lot of turbulence. ]
Are you... meeting your quota okay?
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[He doesn't know why he's asking. But.]
yeah, I've been ok.
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I don't have a number. Pretty much everyone I met.
[ he figures tate might lose respect for him over that, but - whatever, he kinda hates himself. that's what he deserves. ]
Okay... emotionally?
Do you - I mean - are you hooking up with strangers, or... just with people you know?
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both, I guess...
I mean
last time I tried to hook up w/ a stranger it went weird
last two times, I guess
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Right.
[ right. yeah. he's, well. been there. his gut kind of twists, and he wonders if weird means-- bad, but he's not... entirely sure how to breach that. "did you get hurt" seems like such a big leap to make, but... ]
What do you mean "weird"?
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the last two times I tried to hook up with strangers it went ok but
turns out it was the same dude. twice. we stopped caring about anonymity after that
weird odds, right
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Not really, actually.
Probably hooked up with each other in the first place based on some kind of physical attraction. Makes sense that you'd hook up with him again.
Not the worst way to find a stable partner in this place.
Better than being drugged.
[ he's kind of feeling prickly about asking all this, actually. topic change. ]
This guy you've been thinking about - the sub.
Is he the type to get jealous, do you think?
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he's...
he's really nice. sweet.
he kinda said he liked me back, too.
so that's a thing
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[ Derek... thinks about Violet, but. He's always assuming the best of Tate. If he's found someone who makes him happy, then - it's not weird for him to move on. It's just... how healing works. ]
Kinda feel like you should just bite the bullet and ask if he wants to be your boyfriend.
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what if he disappears next week? I know everything's uncertain but
don't know if I'm up for feeling a lot of feelings right now
we're still close. gonna hang out and stuff
but it'd feel like getting my hopes up for a happy ending
when I'm still kinda low from everything rn
plus we're both subs. getting too attached is a recipe for disaster
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[ That's fair, and Derek gets it - shit, a part of him is really, genuinely relieved, honestly, because he's not sure he could handle Tate showing up on his doorstep in tears again - but man, Derek just wants him to have a good life. A nice, sweet kid could be just what he needs. The kind of softness Derek just doesn't have to offer. ]
Well... there's no rush. If hanging out makes you happy, hanging out makes you happy.
Finding ways to be happy is all you can really do, in a city like this.
I mean.
That and fucking all your friends.
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some of them never cash in on their blowies
that's their loss, not mine.
[Idiot.]
if anything changes, idk
we'll see how it goes.
I still just feel weird right now
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Maybe your friends would cash in on getting blown if they felt more appreciated.
Wined and dined a little.
[ He's really not sure how to bounce back onto the Violet thing without ruining the atmosphere. Feels like making blowjob jokes has always been the easiest way to avoid dwelling in sad shit, with Tate. Still... ]
Listen - things are going to be weird for a while. You lost someone important to you.
It's not going to feel weird forever. It's not like home, here.
You can adapt. Change. Grow.
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[But alright.]
i couldn't get over her before
at home? i tried. i really did
but I think
I think you're right?
you can't change when you're
when you're dead
but it's different here
it has to be.
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[ sounds like tate's friend has crippling guilt about not being good enough to be his friend and feels like he deserves to be put up with, rather than appreciated. but. hey go off. ]
You were stuck. Right? I... know you don't like talking about this, but -
You were stagnating. For years.
And - I've been watching you. I've seen you live life in excess, since coming here. Like you're catching up.
The party I brought you home from, the heartache carved out of you by Violet's loss. The rejection you felt, back at Fort Harmony.
Everything must feel so fucking loud, after being caught in stasis for so long. The world. Your emotions. Everything. Life. All of it.
Growth and change and evolution, it's - all here for you, it's just hard to find under all the noise.
That's what I think, at least. Maybe I'm wrong.
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I couldn't
I didn't go outside for
a long time.
once, I did, because
[It's not like it's a huge secret.]
on halloween, things are different. spirits can walk the world of the living
that kind of thing. I never went out except for, well. my first date with violet.
we went to the beach and it
it was really nice.
I feel that way here again, like
I can enjoy these things I never thought I'd have again.
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I'm sorry.
I'm glad you feel that way again. I hope I've been a part of that. However small.
Listen - this is a long shot, and maybe kind of a weird thing to say -
But if you and this kid you like do end up... trying to be something, far off in the future...
Maybe I could meet him? Talk to him.
And then, I don't know.
You guys could spend some time together at the beach, maybe. If he's cool. If I decide I like him.
Which I probably won't.
Jury's still out on if I even like you. Hell, jury's still out on if I like Stiles.
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if you like him and i like him, he can get permission to come here?
for real?
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Very, very, very tentative maybe.
Might have to blindfold him on the way there. And on the way back.
And I might have to walk you two down to the furthest end of the beach, so he never sees the den.
But.
Maybe.
Only if I like him.
[ a pause - ]
Only if I think he's good enough for you.
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i have to convince ppl im good enough
i kinda like it this way round
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You don't have to convince me of shit.
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only for him to turn around and say never talk to his kid again
fun times.
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Wish I'd known you back home. Somehow.
I would have taken you away from everything.
Not that my life was much better, but... at least I could have looked after you.
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my life would've turned out a lot different
i'm sure of it.
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