[ This is - really starting to annoy him. Derek looks at Tate, sees the glassiness to his smile, all sharp and colourless. He's barely touched his pretzels, and Derek's stomach churns with anxiety as the bag gets handed over. He doesn't understand why things are going wrong, but - things are going wrong. ]
We're not. You're not listening.
[ Derek snaps a little, and he sits up, moving closer to Tate. Lightly, he punches him on the thigh with the soft edge of his fist, this frustrated, aimless attempt at getting his attention that feels sort of stupid, once he's actually done it. He sits directly in front of Tate, bends forward, holds eye contact. He lifts his fist again, then bops it just as weakly into the sand. Still annoyed. ]
Stiles isn't pack.
[ And Tate isn't either, but Derek's talked to him about the bite, and he's told Stiles that he wants to build a pack. He's been trying to stay pretty neutral on this, because he doesn't want to sway Tate one way or the other, but the truth is, he's already starting to think of him as a Beta. He wants to protect him. Make him understand that he matters. ]
Being a Beta is more than just - getting stronger, getting healthier. The bond a Beta shares with their Alpha is... stronger than any they could share with a friend, or with family. There's this intense, impenetrable intimacy, where both Beta and Alpha are drawn to protect each other, and-- and losing one another feels worse than losing a limb. You realize that you've been-- incomplete, and that when you're together, you feel whole. You realize that you'd lay down anything in the world for this person, because they'd lay down anything in the world for you.
[ That's what it's supposed to feel like, at least. That's what Derek thought it did feel like, back home, between the Hales and his own pack, but Isaac-- Isaac still leaves, Isaac maybe never felt the love he was supposed to feel that Derek never really expressed, the Alpha pack still kills their Betas. Maybe he's too idealistic. Maybe this bond is more... one sided, tilted towards the Alpha. Maybe Derek was kidding himself, when he felt like his pack made him whole.
Either way - Derek shakes his head, gets rid of the doubt. He grabs Tate by the shoulders, holding eye contact, trying to impress upon him what he means. ]
I'm not-- telling you to take the bite. I don't know if you need it. I don't know if you need me, and I don't want to force this on you just because I want it, or because I'm afraid of being alone.
[ Erica dies. Boyd dies. There's this quiet, fucked up part of him that thinks Tate couldn't die, if he were bitten, because he's already gone, and he'd just - come back. There's a sick crunch of guilt in his stomach when he thinks that - like Tate's death makes him a prize, or a commodity, or something as equally dehumanizing - and his hands on Tate's shoulders grip tighter. Tight enough to hurt. ]
[That's the first question of Tate's mouth, unfiltered and raw. He doesn't understand how a beta bond can be so great and yet Derek, who loves Stiles, hasn't secured it with him. But Derek admits that there are things that Stiles can't be for him and Tate wonders why this is one of those things - and doubles down on the notion that he could be, instead.
His eyes flick down to Derek's hands, unflinching when they squeeze into his shoulders. If anything, he seems to relax into the pain. It's his anchor, after all, and it ebbs away the tension in his bones. He leans forward against Derek's palms, and looks back up into his eyes. He describes the act of being pack so... convincing, that Tate's already on the hook. It pulls at his belly and he wants it so badly.
He's been so lonely. He's been so desperate. He doesn't want to be either of those things anymore.]
I want to be a beta. But only if because - you want me, not just because someone else doesn't want to be.
I haven't-- offered him the bite. I don't want that from him.
[ Derek answers quick and fast, drawing his hands back and setting them in the sand. That's - not entirely true. A part of him that wants to bite Stiles, claim him as his own, have that bond with him, but it's... complicated. They've built a relationship based on mutual trust, mutual guardianship, and the hierarchy of a pack conflicts with that.
He remembers, too, what Stiles said when he told Derek that Peter offered him the bite. Why would I want to be like him. Derek understands that it was just... personal, an indictment of who Peter is as a person, but it's - hard, not to feel like there's a deeper reason beneath the surface of that rejection. Plus... after losing himself to the Nogitsune, Derek doesn't see how it's anything but selfish to ask Stiles to give up his humanity.
Tate... wants this. Tate wants that bond, Tate wants that guidance. Tate's trusting Derek with training, with opening up about his history, with - everything - and maybe-- maybe he can help him save Erica and Boyd. Maybe he can help him keep Isaac. Derek can't let him go. Derek wets his lips, tries to explain, tries to keep Tate invested. ]
Stiles doesn't need the bite, and-- and I don't need to bite him. I'm in love with him. That's enough.
[ He thinks of Paige. Bitten, unnecessarily, so they could be together. Derek rapidly tries to think of something else.
He thinks of Erica. Erica, who was so desperate for attention and love. Thinks of Boyd, who was so fucking lonely, he became a wolf so he wouldn't have to sit at the lunch table anymore. He thinks of Isaac, battered and afraid and abused, needing strength and confidence and pride. He sees all of them in Tate. Derek doesn't want things to be equal between them - he wants to be Tate's protector.
Derek clenches his jaw, drops his eyes. He looks back up to Tate, and he lights up his eyes, red and bright and demanding. It's a dirty trick. He knows how Tate drowns in the colour of them. ]
I want to take care of you. I want to take away your hurt, and your fear. I want to protect you. You've been through so, so much, and I know that I can make it all better. This is about you. Only you.
[Tate was always happy to be the one who was able to protect someone, whether that was providing what he could for Nora or doing everything possible to ensure Violet was safe and happy too. But in essence in those roles, he always just - wanted to be useful, to be needed and to have someone want to rely on him. To have someone to rely on in turn is exciting and thrilling, but also somewhat nerve wracking. Why? He doesn't know.
It's just so new. So goddamn new.
Violet tried to protect him when she knew the truth and thought he didn't. That's the closest he's really come to having someone care for him since Nora slid her fingers through his hair with such affection he's long since craved. Derek's offering it and Tate's already sold, dark eyes that are so often jaded a dark inky black are widely expressive brown as the soon to be setting sun lights up his face.]
Does it hurt? When - it happens. The bite. What happens?
[ Tate doesn't realize how heavy-hitting that question is. Of course it hurts. People don't - survive, when they've been bitten, he's learning that more and more as time goes on. Scott's, so far, the exception that proves the rule, but who knows how long that's going to last? Derek can offer all the love and support and strength in the world, but a part of him is scared that this is a death sentence. A part of Derek is desperate to prove that it's not. ]
It hurts.
[ And - that's the only detail he's giving. Derek shifts forward, the red of his eyes glowing a little brighter. ]
[Tate doesn't move back, doesn't even blink, he just stares into the vibrant red that has him caught like a moth attracted to the flame. He wants closer to it, to be in it and he'll end up burning himself alive just to get there. He's holding his breath and doesn't realize it, not even put off by the notion of pain. Derek'll take it away. Tate'll survive through it.]
How do you do it? Do you just... bite?
[He's still enamored by Derek, but inquisitive. He wants to know more, he wants to know everything. He wants to be prepared for this, if he's willing to sign up for it. Is he even ready? When would Derek consider him to be ready?]
It's a bite. It hurts. It heals fast. You start to change - you feel stronger, healthier. Confident. Better. Your head clears. Everything... mends.
[ That's not how it worked for Jackson. Not how it worked for Scott, for the most part, given how quick he was to get angry, and it's... it's not how it worked for Paige. But it's how it worked for Erica, Isaac and Boyd. They needed the bite. Derek ignores the voice in his head telling him that Tate might not need it the way they did. ]
Best time to bite is after the full moon. Gives you time to learn how to deal with the change before that comes - the surges of power, the dizzying rush of endorphins. The full moon is...
[ Derek could prey on Tate. Tell him the full moon is a better high than anything else he'd ever experience. A stronger rush. It wouldn't be a lie, but he knows that Tate relies on drugs, and he knows that it would be manipulative. He can't - say that. ]
It's - a lot to deal with, when you first get bitten. Intense.
[Tate finally breaks his gaze away from a blissful adoring stare into the red headlights that Derek is blinding him with, and drops it to the sand in front of him. He can hear a voice in the back of his head admitting something was intense before and it's enough to pull him out of his reverie. Albeit at the same time it only convinces him more than he needs someone else to rely on, someone else's intensity to buy into.
Full moon. He's going to have to look into when the next one will be.]
[ The red in Derek's eyes just - extinguishes, before too long. He watches Tate even after Tate looks away, and when he's sure they're done with eye contact, he blinks them back to hazel. The question is - difficult, but it's not one he's unwilling to answer. ]
Four times. Stiles is - two years ahead of me, back home, and he told me the number's gonna go up.
[ Up to six, if he includes both Victoria and Gerard. Derek's a little nervous about sharing this information with Tate, whose possessiveness and unwillingness to share have become pretty notable traits of his, and saying he has betas waiting for him back home might - damage what they have here. Derek slowly shrugs. Not going to lie. ]
Three of the bites worked the way they were supposed to.
[It was going to get asked, especially since Derek opened the floor by bringing it up. He's not sure how he feels about the notion of Derek having already bitten people before, and what that means. He's not the first. Won't be the last. He's a middle piece in a bigger puzzle but he has to mean something, even still. He's the first one here. Maybe the only one, too, if things work out.]
[ Derek knew this was coming, but the question is still difficult to answer. Even if he'd had more preparation to explain what happened to Jackson, he probably wouldn't be able to come up with the right words to do it. Stiles used the word abomination, and it meant a lot to him at the time, but after knowing everything that Jackson's been through, calling him that now feels... cruel. ]
It's - hard to explain. Sometimes a person just... isn't made for a life like this.
[ He - hesitates, and he's not trying to give a half-assed answer here, he just really needs some time to think everything through. Derek slowly takes a stab in the dark. ]
When the bite works - you become a wolf. When it doesn't - your body either dies trying to reject the bite, or the shift turns into something else. Something corrupted. Dark.
[ Something reflective of who you are as a person. Someone bad. Tate isn't bad. Derek knows Tate isn't bad. ]
[Tate takes pause at the notion of 'something corrupted' and thinks about how many times he and Violet discussed the notion of darkness. How it had a part of them enveloped in it for so long. How she now believes that he is that darkness. How can Derek so safely say that he's not that? That that won't happen to him? He looks hesitant for a beat, but his expression softens.]
Are you sure? I don't... I don't want to become something bad. I just want to be like you.
[ He's willing to bet on it, at least. If he's come this far - far enough to offer Tate the bite, far enough to trust him against his better judgement, far enough to beat himself up for ever thinking this poor, abused kid was a danger to anyone but himself, even after what he did to his stepfather -
Then Tate has to be a good person. He won't allow himself to be wrong about this. Not when he's so close to having a pack. Not when he's so close to helping someone. Saving them, in a way that he couldn't do for Erica and Boyd, back in Stiles' history. Back in his future.
Derek takes a breath. He looks at Tate, eyes dropping to his hip, the section of flesh he'd sink his teeth into the second they choose to commit to this. He swallows, then looks up, holding eye contact. ]
You need - to think about this. I'm not going to force you to sign a contract with me, or-- or do anything you don't want to do, but once I give you the bite, things are going to change between us. There'll be - a pull, like I said. You'll find it difficult to be away from me, unless you find a different Alpha, and... there aren't any other Alphas around. You'll be mine.
[ Unless Tate chooses to be an Omega, but - nobody would choose that. Not willingly. Tate would be his, through and through. Derek clenches his jaw a little. ]
Your body's going to change. You've seen my eyes - my claws. Wolves are predators. Dangerous. You told me, once, that you didn't want to be dangerous, but if you're ever bitten - that's something you'll have to deal with. People will be scared of you. Animals will be scared of you. We're thought of as - monsters. If that's not worth the safety I can provide you, then I can't force you into this in good conscience.
[ A pause. Derek leans back. ]
Full moon's on the 19th. I'll give you until then to decide.
[Tate chews on his lower lip, peeling bits of skin off with his teeth as his gaze shifts around through the states of processing all this information. He wants that pull, that hook, that value. But he's - hesitant, maybe, because there seems to be a lot at stake too. Would he be giving Violet more reason to fear him now? That's something he'll have to consider. He weakly wonders if she'd ever take the bite too, and be part of the pack.
Never. Why would she?
He nods his head, looking down at the sand as he draws his fingers through it to rake out lines. They absently start spiraling in on themselves, and he doesn't notice what he's drawing - the triskele is just a byproduct of a distracted mind.]
I don't think of you as a monster. Or dangerous. You're...
[He looks guilty, glancing up. Like - it's silly to say:]
[ Humans don't say things like that to Derek. There's Stiles, obviously - but he's an exception, he's always been an exception. This stabilising force Derek clings to. His anchor. There was... Paige, and there was Kate, but Paige is gone and Kate was a liar.
Tate throws him, a little. He's been kind like this before, but Derek's been dodging bringing up what Tate said - his fear of being dangerous, his desire to be normal. It felt like a rejection, a dealbreaker, waiting just beneath the surface of all of this, and for Tate to just so quickly dismiss Derek's worries and see him as someone better than just teeth and tearing and blood, it's -
A lot. ]
That's... what I want to be.
[ Safety. Derek swallows. ]
If you... if you do decide to take the bite...
[ Derek doesn't want to push this. Doesn't want to make Tate feel cornered or emotionally manipulated into taking the bite, even though the scales are swinging so clearly in that direction already. He looks at the guilt in him, the self-consciousness, and he just wants to take that away. To protect him, the way an Alpha should. ]
If you take the bite - you'll be my only beta here. I'll - give you everything I can give you. Attention, love, safety. Strength. Taking care of you will be one of my absolute, highest priorities. Anything you want, anything you need - all you'll have to do is ask for it, and I'll give it to you.
[ Tate matters to him. He'll only matter more, if this happens. Derek takes another long, long breath, and he pushes his attempt at being honest a little further. ]
I wasn't a good Alpha, back home. I want to be better here.
[ For Tate. For himself. For Stiles, if only to make him proud. For Erica, for Boyd, for Isaac. For Jackson. Laura. Scott. Fuck, even for Peter. So many things ride on.doing better. He wants to do so much better. ]
[It's funny how you can almost compare the Dominant and Submissive relation directly to Derek in this instant, and wonder how he could ever find issue with this city if that's all he wants to be - the Alpha to a Beta. Tate doesn't realize it now but it may come to him later that there's a strange difference when it comes to his feelings toward fitting in as Submissive and the want to be a Beta. If he felt this desired, would he be a better sub? Would he embrace this world a bit better if he could understand that the way he wants this?
Maybe it's the same. Maybe he just needs to find the same in those means, too.
He just nods his head and listens to that, cupped fingers dragging a line of sand over the drawings he'd left indented, folding it all back over itself to once again lay flat. He wants to ask why Derek wasn't a good Alpha but it doesn't feel like the moment. He might get an honest answer but - honestly, he's asked enough. He also feels... tired.]
I'll think on it - I want to... to think it through. And not be rash, even if I think I already know what I want. Whatever I pick though, you'll still... we can still be close, right?
[ They've - reached the end of this, Derek can tell. He runs his tongue over the dry, cracked flesh of his bottom lip, looking down and watching Tate's spirals disappear. It feels like a closed door, and that's - fine. Erica and Isaac and Boyd were desperate for the bite, they jumped on the offer. Tate isn't desperate. Derek's known this might not be for him.
He's just - being pushy.
Tate asks for time, asks if they can still be close, and Derek nods, slow and stilted. ]
Yeah.
[ And he doesn't say it, but it's there in his tone - just not as close as we could be. ]
[Tate looks - saddened, like he can tell he's not as important to Derek if he's not willing to be bitten. Which he is, immensely so, but he's a boy whose poet souls still wishes to mean something of its own merit. He swallows hard and looks down at the sand, thinking quietly to himself what it would mean to just - say yes, here and now. He has time, he needs to take that time. To pretend he's rational and sane.]
Okay. I'll - I'll tell you when I know.
["I already know."]
This is where - where you gotta tell me any freaky shit, though. Like how bad's the flea deal.
[ Derek nods, leaning back in the sand again, staring up at the sky. Lots of ways this conversation could have gone. He's not sure if this was the best outcome for either of them, but - there's a shift here, now. A new shape to their relationship. ]
No fleas. Just, you know. Insatiable arousal on the full moon. Slightly more carnivorous appetite. Giant, shapeshifting dick.
[ At least one of those things is true. Derek hits Tate with a neutral, lazy stare, the kind of expression that makes it difficult to tell how serious he is, but. It doesn't last. There's something else on his mind - something small enough to nag at him, guilting him for lying by omission. Something he feels he needs to bring up.
This is a huge, huge offer, and not providing full disclosure is - manipulative, in the end. Derek doesn't want to... do this, but he can't keep trying to weakly convince himself he's a good person if he doesn't. Slowly, he adds something else. ]
We heal fast. Hurt less. Drugs and alcohol won't get you wasted. Your cells regenerate too quickly for anything like that to take.
[Joking, mostly because - giant shapeshifting dick? That almost makes him laugh, but the moment feels just shy of funny. So he smiles slightly and shifts, returning to drawing lines in the sand - triangles this time. He pauses after joining two lines with a third, staring down at the sand before slowly drawing his eyes up to Derek when he lets that second shoe drop.
Well, he can't say he didn't expect this. He knew this? He knew this about Derek. And yet it feels like he was just kicked in the teeth, reeling for a second when he thinks just far enough ahead to apply those facts to his own life. Forced sobriety's a small send off for deep roots of connection and fucking furry superpowers, but even still.]
Oh. Right.
[He blinks his gaze away, slight frown as he looks back down to the sand.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
We're not. You're not listening.
[ Derek snaps a little, and he sits up, moving closer to Tate. Lightly, he punches him on the thigh with the soft edge of his fist, this frustrated, aimless attempt at getting his attention that feels sort of stupid, once he's actually done it. He sits directly in front of Tate, bends forward, holds eye contact. He lifts his fist again, then bops it just as weakly into the sand. Still annoyed. ]
Stiles isn't pack.
[ And Tate isn't either, but Derek's talked to him about the bite, and he's told Stiles that he wants to build a pack. He's been trying to stay pretty neutral on this, because he doesn't want to sway Tate one way or the other, but the truth is, he's already starting to think of him as a Beta. He wants to protect him. Make him understand that he matters. ]
Being a Beta is more than just - getting stronger, getting healthier. The bond a Beta shares with their Alpha is... stronger than any they could share with a friend, or with family. There's this intense, impenetrable intimacy, where both Beta and Alpha are drawn to protect each other, and-- and losing one another feels worse than losing a limb. You realize that you've been-- incomplete, and that when you're together, you feel whole. You realize that you'd lay down anything in the world for this person, because they'd lay down anything in the world for you.
[ That's what it's supposed to feel like, at least. That's what Derek thought it did feel like, back home, between the Hales and his own pack, but Isaac-- Isaac still leaves, Isaac maybe never felt the love he was supposed to feel that Derek never really expressed, the Alpha pack still kills their Betas. Maybe he's too idealistic. Maybe this bond is more... one sided, tilted towards the Alpha. Maybe Derek was kidding himself, when he felt like his pack made him whole.
Either way - Derek shakes his head, gets rid of the doubt. He grabs Tate by the shoulders, holding eye contact, trying to impress upon him what he means. ]
I'm not-- telling you to take the bite. I don't know if you need it. I don't know if you need me, and I don't want to force this on you just because I want it, or because I'm afraid of being alone.
[ Erica dies. Boyd dies. There's this quiet, fucked up part of him that thinks Tate couldn't die, if he were bitten, because he's already gone, and he'd just - come back. There's a sick crunch of guilt in his stomach when he thinks that - like Tate's death makes him a prize, or a commodity, or something as equally dehumanizing - and his hands on Tate's shoulders grip tighter. Tight enough to hurt. ]
But we could have that.
no subject
[That's the first question of Tate's mouth, unfiltered and raw. He doesn't understand how a beta bond can be so great and yet Derek, who loves Stiles, hasn't secured it with him. But Derek admits that there are things that Stiles can't be for him and Tate wonders why this is one of those things - and doubles down on the notion that he could be, instead.
His eyes flick down to Derek's hands, unflinching when they squeeze into his shoulders. If anything, he seems to relax into the pain. It's his anchor, after all, and it ebbs away the tension in his bones. He leans forward against Derek's palms, and looks back up into his eyes. He describes the act of being pack so... convincing, that Tate's already on the hook. It pulls at his belly and he wants it so badly.
He's been so lonely. He's been so desperate. He doesn't want to be either of those things anymore.]
I want to be a beta. But only if because - you want me, not just because someone else doesn't want to be.
no subject
[ Derek answers quick and fast, drawing his hands back and setting them in the sand. That's - not entirely true. A part of him that wants to bite Stiles, claim him as his own, have that bond with him, but it's... complicated. They've built a relationship based on mutual trust, mutual guardianship, and the hierarchy of a pack conflicts with that.
He remembers, too, what Stiles said when he told Derek that Peter offered him the bite. Why would I want to be like him. Derek understands that it was just... personal, an indictment of who Peter is as a person, but it's - hard, not to feel like there's a deeper reason beneath the surface of that rejection. Plus... after losing himself to the Nogitsune, Derek doesn't see how it's anything but selfish to ask Stiles to give up his humanity.
Tate... wants this. Tate wants that bond, Tate wants that guidance. Tate's trusting Derek with training, with opening up about his history, with - everything - and maybe-- maybe he can help him save Erica and Boyd. Maybe he can help him keep Isaac. Derek can't let him go. Derek wets his lips, tries to explain, tries to keep Tate invested. ]
Stiles doesn't need the bite, and-- and I don't need to bite him. I'm in love with him. That's enough.
[ He thinks of Paige. Bitten, unnecessarily, so they could be together. Derek rapidly tries to think of something else.
He thinks of Erica. Erica, who was so desperate for attention and love. Thinks of Boyd, who was so fucking lonely, he became a wolf so he wouldn't have to sit at the lunch table anymore. He thinks of Isaac, battered and afraid and abused, needing strength and confidence and pride. He sees all of them in Tate. Derek doesn't want things to be equal between them - he wants to be Tate's protector.
Derek clenches his jaw, drops his eyes. He looks back up to Tate, and he lights up his eyes, red and bright and demanding. It's a dirty trick. He knows how Tate drowns in the colour of them. ]
I want to take care of you. I want to take away your hurt, and your fear. I want to protect you. You've been through so, so much, and I know that I can make it all better. This is about you. Only you.
no subject
It's just so new. So goddamn new.
Violet tried to protect him when she knew the truth and thought he didn't. That's the closest he's really come to having someone care for him since Nora slid her fingers through his hair with such affection he's long since craved. Derek's offering it and Tate's already sold, dark eyes that are so often jaded a dark inky black are widely expressive brown as the soon to be setting sun lights up his face.]
Does it hurt? When - it happens. The bite. What happens?
no subject
It hurts.
[ And - that's the only detail he's giving. Derek shifts forward, the red of his eyes glowing a little brighter. ]
But I'll be there to take that hurt away.
no subject
How do you do it? Do you just... bite?
[He's still enamored by Derek, but inquisitive. He wants to know more, he wants to know everything. He wants to be prepared for this, if he's willing to sign up for it. Is he even ready? When would Derek consider him to be ready?]
Like, how does that even...
no subject
[ That's not how it worked for Jackson. Not how it worked for Scott, for the most part, given how quick he was to get angry, and it's... it's not how it worked for Paige. But it's how it worked for Erica, Isaac and Boyd. They needed the bite. Derek ignores the voice in his head telling him that Tate might not need it the way they did. ]
Best time to bite is after the full moon. Gives you time to learn how to deal with the change before that comes - the surges of power, the dizzying rush of endorphins. The full moon is...
[ Derek could prey on Tate. Tell him the full moon is a better high than anything else he'd ever experience. A stronger rush. It wouldn't be a lie, but he knows that Tate relies on drugs, and he knows that it would be manipulative. He can't - say that. ]
It's - a lot to deal with, when you first get bitten. Intense.
no subject
Full moon. He's going to have to look into when the next one will be.]
Have you... bitten someone before?
no subject
Four times. Stiles is - two years ahead of me, back home, and he told me the number's gonna go up.
[ Up to six, if he includes both Victoria and Gerard. Derek's a little nervous about sharing this information with Tate, whose possessiveness and unwillingness to share have become pretty notable traits of his, and saying he has betas waiting for him back home might - damage what they have here. Derek slowly shrugs. Not going to lie. ]
Three of the bites worked the way they were supposed to.
no subject
[It was going to get asked, especially since Derek opened the floor by bringing it up. He's not sure how he feels about the notion of Derek having already bitten people before, and what that means. He's not the first. Won't be the last. He's a middle piece in a bigger puzzle but he has to mean something, even still. He's the first one here. Maybe the only one, too, if things work out.]
What went wrong?
no subject
It's - hard to explain. Sometimes a person just... isn't made for a life like this.
[ He - hesitates, and he's not trying to give a half-assed answer here, he just really needs some time to think everything through. Derek slowly takes a stab in the dark. ]
When the bite works - you become a wolf. When it doesn't - your body either dies trying to reject the bite, or the shift turns into something else. Something corrupted. Dark.
[ Something reflective of who you are as a person. Someone bad. Tate isn't bad. Derek knows Tate isn't bad. ]
That wouldn't happen to you.
no subject
[Tate takes pause at the notion of 'something corrupted' and thinks about how many times he and Violet discussed the notion of darkness. How it had a part of them enveloped in it for so long. How she now believes that he is that darkness. How can Derek so safely say that he's not that? That that won't happen to him? He looks hesitant for a beat, but his expression softens.]
Are you sure? I don't... I don't want to become something bad. I just want to be like you.
no subject
[ He's willing to bet on it, at least. If he's come this far - far enough to offer Tate the bite, far enough to trust him against his better judgement, far enough to beat himself up for ever thinking this poor, abused kid was a danger to anyone but himself, even after what he did to his stepfather -
Then Tate has to be a good person. He won't allow himself to be wrong about this. Not when he's so close to having a pack. Not when he's so close to helping someone. Saving them, in a way that he couldn't do for Erica and Boyd, back in Stiles' history. Back in his future.
Derek takes a breath. He looks at Tate, eyes dropping to his hip, the section of flesh he'd sink his teeth into the second they choose to commit to this. He swallows, then looks up, holding eye contact. ]
You need - to think about this. I'm not going to force you to sign a contract with me, or-- or do anything you don't want to do, but once I give you the bite, things are going to change between us. There'll be - a pull, like I said. You'll find it difficult to be away from me, unless you find a different Alpha, and... there aren't any other Alphas around. You'll be mine.
[ Unless Tate chooses to be an Omega, but - nobody would choose that. Not willingly. Tate would be his, through and through. Derek clenches his jaw a little. ]
Your body's going to change. You've seen my eyes - my claws. Wolves are predators. Dangerous. You told me, once, that you didn't want to be dangerous, but if you're ever bitten - that's something you'll have to deal with. People will be scared of you. Animals will be scared of you. We're thought of as - monsters. If that's not worth the safety I can provide you, then I can't force you into this in good conscience.
[ A pause. Derek leans back. ]
Full moon's on the 19th. I'll give you until then to decide.
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Never. Why would she?
He nods his head, looking down at the sand as he draws his fingers through it to rake out lines. They absently start spiraling in on themselves, and he doesn't notice what he's drawing - the triskele is just a byproduct of a distracted mind.]
I don't think of you as a monster. Or dangerous. You're...
[He looks guilty, glancing up. Like - it's silly to say:]
You feel like safety to me.
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Tate throws him, a little. He's been kind like this before, but Derek's been dodging bringing up what Tate said - his fear of being dangerous, his desire to be normal. It felt like a rejection, a dealbreaker, waiting just beneath the surface of all of this, and for Tate to just so quickly dismiss Derek's worries and see him as someone better than just teeth and tearing and blood, it's -
A lot. ]
That's... what I want to be.
[ Safety. Derek swallows. ]
If you... if you do decide to take the bite...
[ Derek doesn't want to push this. Doesn't want to make Tate feel cornered or emotionally manipulated into taking the bite, even though the scales are swinging so clearly in that direction already. He looks at the guilt in him, the self-consciousness, and he just wants to take that away. To protect him, the way an Alpha should. ]
If you take the bite - you'll be my only beta here. I'll - give you everything I can give you. Attention, love, safety. Strength. Taking care of you will be one of my absolute, highest priorities. Anything you want, anything you need - all you'll have to do is ask for it, and I'll give it to you.
[ Tate matters to him. He'll only matter more, if this happens. Derek takes another long, long breath, and he pushes his attempt at being honest a little further. ]
I wasn't a good Alpha, back home. I want to be better here.
[ For Tate. For himself. For Stiles, if only to make him proud. For Erica, for Boyd, for Isaac. For Jackson. Laura. Scott. Fuck, even for Peter. So many things ride on.doing better. He wants to do so much better. ]
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Maybe it's the same. Maybe he just needs to find the same in those means, too.
He just nods his head and listens to that, cupped fingers dragging a line of sand over the drawings he'd left indented, folding it all back over itself to once again lay flat. He wants to ask why Derek wasn't a good Alpha but it doesn't feel like the moment. He might get an honest answer but - honestly, he's asked enough. He also feels... tired.]
I'll think on it - I want to... to think it through. And not be rash, even if I think I already know what I want. Whatever I pick though, you'll still... we can still be close, right?
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He's just - being pushy.
Tate asks for time, asks if they can still be close, and Derek nods, slow and stilted. ]
Yeah.
[ And he doesn't say it, but it's there in his tone - just not as close as we could be. ]
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Okay. I'll - I'll tell you when I know.
["I already know."]
This is where - where you gotta tell me any freaky shit, though. Like how bad's the flea deal.
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No fleas. Just, you know. Insatiable arousal on the full moon. Slightly more carnivorous appetite. Giant, shapeshifting dick.
[ At least one of those things is true. Derek hits Tate with a neutral, lazy stare, the kind of expression that makes it difficult to tell how serious he is, but. It doesn't last. There's something else on his mind - something small enough to nag at him, guilting him for lying by omission. Something he feels he needs to bring up.
This is a huge, huge offer, and not providing full disclosure is - manipulative, in the end. Derek doesn't want to... do this, but he can't keep trying to weakly convince himself he's a good person if he doesn't. Slowly, he adds something else. ]
We heal fast. Hurt less. Drugs and alcohol won't get you wasted. Your cells regenerate too quickly for anything like that to take.
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[Joking, mostly because - giant shapeshifting dick? That almost makes him laugh, but the moment feels just shy of funny. So he smiles slightly and shifts, returning to drawing lines in the sand - triangles this time. He pauses after joining two lines with a third, staring down at the sand before slowly drawing his eyes up to Derek when he lets that second shoe drop.
Well, he can't say he didn't expect this. He knew this? He knew this about Derek. And yet it feels like he was just kicked in the teeth, reeling for a second when he thinks just far enough ahead to apply those facts to his own life. Forced sobriety's a small send off for deep roots of connection and fucking furry superpowers, but even still.]
Oh. Right.
[He blinks his gaze away, slight frown as he looks back down to the sand.]
I guess that makes sense.