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[calloused]

▶ Derek Hale. Leave a message.

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( beginning/mid hellplicity )

[confiscated]

hey derek?
are u there?

[calloused]

Where else would I be?

[confiscated]

did you wake up today with anything weird going on?

[calloused]

Hard not to wake up in this fucking place without something weird going on.
Was only a matter of time before weird shit kicked back up again.

You okay?

[confiscated]

yeah. i guess

but like.
did anything happen to you?
that you can see.

[calloused]

[ like always, with derek, there's a delay in any text he sends when being asked for critical information. ]

Did anything happen to you?

[confiscated]

yeah

[calloused]

Okay.

Okay. Yes. Me too.
Tell me what you're dealing with.

[confiscated]

there's a word on my arm that won't go away
it shows through my clothes
nothing gets rid of it

[calloused]

I haven't been able to get rid of mine, either.
It'll go. They always go.
But.

I don't know.
This fucking city thrives on pain and humiliation.
Forcing shame on us feels par for the course.

[confiscated]

what word do you have on you?

[calloused]

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

[confiscated]

what if i dont want to show mine

[calloused]

I don't want to show mine, either.
That's what makes it a trade.

[confiscated]

[A long pause. Tate types and deletes, types and deletes. Finally he gives up on trying to word it and sends an attached photo instead. It's of his arm, the pale left forearm that's got faded scars of self harm, a triskele etched into now gray-pale skin and... bright red words, as if carved into his skin, that say 'MONSTER' in hideous all-caps.]

[calloused]

[ another pause. derek's not worried about the content of the word at all - if he's torn up over anything, it's just how rapidly deteriorated Tate looks. it's hard seeing the triskele on a backdrop like that. he needs a second. ]

Jeez. They went hard on you.

I've been called a monster since before I knew what it meant.
Doesn't make it true.
Someone out there is just trying to fuck with your head.

[confiscated]

it's working.

my last therapist said i'm not a person, i'm a monster.
after all that i told him, that's what he came up with.

hard to believe anything else.

[calloused]

Yeah, well, therapists aren't unilaterally good people. You told me he cheated on his wife. He's not exactly known for his great judgement calls.
He was probably just salty you were fucking his daughter so he wanted to get in your head. Who cares? Screw that guy.

I know what a monster looks like. You're not a monster.
Kate was a monster. My uncle at his worst, maybe, he was a monster.
Your mom. Her boyfriend.
You never hurt anyone the way they hurt your brother.
They killed a fucking kid. That's monstrous.
You're not like that.

[confiscated]

i wanted to hurt people, though.
does that count?

i wanted to hurt lawrence. tried to, remember?
if i was a monster for doing that...

at least, monsters can change right?

[calloused]

Sometimes we have to hurt people to stop other people from being hurt.
Sometimes people deserve what they get.
You aren't a monster.
You haven't done anything wrong. There's no reason to change.

[confiscated]

[If only you knew.]

what did your uncle do?

[calloused]

Hurt a lot of people. Wanted to hurt a lot more.
Killed people who didn't deserve to die. My sister.
Orchestrated a lot of pain just for a taste of power.
He was selfish. Lacked empathy.
Manipulative.
All the things you aren't.

I trusted him for a long, long time.
I've trusted a lot of people I shouldn't have.
He took advantage of that. Time and time again.
Fucked up thing is that I still kind of care about him.

[ anyway. ]

Guilty.
That's my word.

[confiscated]

[...]

[confiscated]

you're a good person, derek.

[calloused]

You're only saying that because I suck your dick.

But so are you.
I'm sorry. About everything they're putting you through.
You don't deserve this.