[Tate murmurs the fact aloud, leaning in toward Derek's palm not unlike the three legged cat that roams around them half the time. He stares off for a moment into the distance, eyes unfocused, before he blinks back into himself and the present. He tilts his head to look up at Derek, reaching up with two fingers to snag the front of his clean shirt and give it a little tug right at the hem. Right over his dick.]
[ If Derek thought doing a lot for Tate was a bad thing, they never would have gotten this far. He still looks pretty worn, even with everything relatively settled back into focus now, so when Tate tugs at his sweater, Derek knows what he's after. He smiles, soft and easygoing, rocking forward on the balls of his feet, and then just slowly drops his hand to grab the back of Tate's. ]
Maybe. I still need to talk to you about something, remember?
[ Anything else can come - after. Later. If at all. He gets the feeling Tate's gonna get upset, again. ]
[Tate's fingers unhook, slow and deliberate, ghosting down the front of Derek's thigh as he lets 'maybe' sit at the forefront of his mind and feels curbed away from what he wanted with minor annoyance. He chews on his lower lip before looking back up, dark eyes intent in how they study Derek's face - waiting for the next cue on how to act. What to say. What to do.]
[ It's funny - Derek kind of forgot the weird, oppressive feeling of dread that came over him every time he had to talk about Stiles to Tate. He had to work to keep the two of them separate, seeing as Stiles always seemed to trigger some of Tate's anxiety attacks, and he's still not entirely sure why things always played out that way. Derek's remembering that feeling now, though. His chest's all tight. ]
Stiles is back.
[ Derek lets that hang in the air for a second before-- clarifying, in case he needs to. ]
He's been here for a couple of weeks. Doesn't remember being here before. Thought you should know, because... things always felt complicated between you two, I guess.
[Tate feels a pulse of something run through him and he hates how that might be noticeable, hopefully brushed off as surprise with the way his eyes widen a fraction before Derek lets him put his worry to rest by telling him that Stiles doesn't remember. That Stiles won't hold anything he once told him against him, tip toeing around sensitive subjects by lying and feeling like the only person who had nearly called him on his bullshit isn't actually back to do it again. He swallows hard, breathing in deep before exhaling slowly and really craving a smoke.]
Oh.
[There's a lot to process there and maybe it's a good thing that Derek can sense the way Tate twitches, the way he scratches at his arm again idly - because it might be perceived as the jealousy it in part truly is. Someone Derek cares about is back and Tate is just so quickly becoming agitated by the notion of having to share the attention he's receiving.]
[ Derek must be happy, right? That's the sentiment that's been swirling around in his head for a while now - he must be glad to see Stiles' face again. And he is, of course he is, there's no doubt about it, but - "happy", in some long-term, identifying kind of way? He doesn't know about that. Derek just watches Tate in silence before very subtly shaking his head, like there's something almost taboo about being honest, here. ]
I'm not. I don't think I am, at least.
[ Derek's noticing the nervousness in Tate, though it's nothing he thinks he should bring attention to. The jealousy, the fear, the anxiety - Derek kind of expected it all. ]
But - whatever. We don't need to talk about it. I just wanted you to know.
[Tate can sense that the topic is about to slip away and if he doesn't ask now, he might not get the chance to. The chance to get Derek to elaborate on what he's saying, because it raises goosebumps over Tate's skin with a tingle of surprise in his gut. He's not happy? That's promising, to Tate, selfish as he is. If he can breed more of that doubt, he wants to so that his claws never leave Derek's flesh.
He needs the reassurance. It's what drives him to wet his lips and speak:]
It won't change... anything, will it? For us. How we've been living and... our contract, and all that.
[ It's not that Derek's uncomfortable with talking about this, exactly, but there's a lot to think about here that makes him feel as if he has his back to the wall. His shoulders are tense, and he's ready to walk on eggshells here if he needs to, but after all this time, Tate deserves honesty when he seeks it out. Derek can't just shut down because he's scared of saying the wrong thing, or - looking too vulnerable to the people he cares about, or anything. They've known each other for too long, for that. ]
Not unless you want it to. You're in charge, legally speaking.
[ That's a non-answer, and Derek seems to realize that, because he shrugs one very tense shoulder and quickly takes another stab at it. ]
I don't want to change anything. He might stay here for a while, but - that's just to get him out of the dorms. He's a Sub again, so.
[Tate chews on the inside of his cheek, biting down hard enough to leave grooves in his lip before fiddling again with his sleeve and the way his nails can rake against his skin. He could abuse his power to keep Derek from interacting with Stiles, sure, but that wouldn't do anything for him. He is mildly relieved to hear that Stiles is a fellow sub and that on some level, anything he and Derek do together might get them in trouble.]
You were close. He doesn't remember that, but you do. Is that what you want again?
[ Loaded question. Despite how long they've been together, and despite Derek's decision, like, three seconds ago to include Tate in this conversation, now that he's being asked to have a heart to heart with a seventeen year old about his love life, he just feels stupid. That's been at the core of a lot of what he's been feeling, lately. ]
I don't know. It's been a long time.
[ Which, again, Derek realizes isn't an answer. He leans back, bounces his foot against the floor a little, then pushes forward. ]
Right now - no. It's...
[ Derek's clearly trying to get past some kind of mental block that's making this hard to talk about, but he eventually just sighs, seemingly dismissing the whole thing out of hand. Talking about Stiles to Tate always felt kind of taboo, and this is giving him the same anxiety he would've had a couple of years back. He shoots Tate a side-eye, trying to get a quick read of his feelings. ]
Do you really want a play-by-play of how I'm feeling? Not exactly going to be a fun conversation.
I just want to know if you still want to have a relationship with him the way you did before. I know you care for him a lot, even if he doesn't remember it. But I do know that that might change things for us.
[Tate can't bring himself to say 'I know you love him' so he doesn't even try. He drops his gaze and tries not to feel annoyed by the prickly feeling that always arose when he was around Stiles too long. It was like he could see through every aspect of Tate's facade without even trying. He was too smart, too dangerous. Tate doesn't want him here again, not in between them. Not as a rival.]
But if that's what you want, I can take a few steps back. Or something.
[ Derek has this guilty, nagging feeling in the back of his mind, listening to Tate talk. He's always thought of himself as more of a mentor or a protector of Tate than something more romantic, but Duplicity goes out of its way to blur lines and heighten ambiguity. Maybe he's said things he shouldn't have, here and there, and maybe Tate's done the same - maybe he should've been more responsible in how he handled things between them, if it would have kept Tate from feeling like his relationship with Derek might impact his relationship with Stiles. It wouldn't. Or, fuck, christ, maybe it would. Derek doesn't know.
What he does know, though, is that Tate's jumping ahead a little too much, here. Derek just - dismisses this, idle and quick. ]
I haven't been thinking about dating him again. He's had a lot going on, and frankly, so have I.
[ With Stiles dealing with shit from home and trying to settle in, Derek's mostly just been navigating minefields trying to keep Stiles' past time here a secret - he hasn't allowed himself to wonder if he wants to pursue a relationship with Stiles again, but it's a daunting idea, given that they'd have to build so much up from scratch. He's not sure he has the guts. ]
I actually feel kind of stupid, actually. I spent a year waiting for him to come back - and now that he's here and doesn't remember me, it's just... I feel embarrassed for pining for so long. I don't know.
[ A pause. Derek looks at Tate, cautiously trying to gauge his reaction. He doesn't know if he wants Tate to agree with him on what he's about to say or not. ]
I feel like I've been kind of pathetic. I mean - I've kept half of what he owned exactly where he left it before he went home. I've got an entire guest room locked off because he kept all his research in there, and I didn't want to disturb it. I mean, for fuck's sake, I barely even sleep in my own bed, because that's where he used to sleep, and it feels... just...
[ Hard. Sad. It doesn't matter, so Derek trails off. Derek doesn't sound particularly sad while he's talking about all this, only frustrated, maybe a bit embarrassed. What was the point of caring so much and worrying so much if Stiles was just going to forget him? Feels like the world played him for a chump. Again. ]
I think I know what it's like. Only Violet's never come back.
[Tate held off on giving up hope, and to this day he still thinks about her time to time. What he'd do if she did show up again, a thought stirred up recently by his discussions with Harley. The same could be said for Sabrina or Peter, though Tate's fixations on other people have really been what's carried him by without losing his shit over losing those people. He's been able to jump person to person, finding someone new to obsess over. Finding Derek to be an anchor he's the most focused on now, hearing things about Stiles that make him feel a bit cold inside.
The way Derek talks about roped off rooms and not sleeping in the bed they once shared, though? It makes Tate feel like he's been challenged to taint those lingering ideas, to paint himself over where Stiles once sat so that Derek can see him instead. He's happy to hear Derek's not quick to jump back into pursuing Stiles. Tate, a jealous little gremlin, is already trying to think of how to keep that from happening by his own hand.]
It took some time but I moved on. Letting go was really hard though, but... would it be the same otherwise? I think I'd be disappointed if she came back and forgot everything we had. Rebuilding it would feel fake.
[He shrugs, mild expression given as he glances up to Derek's face to try and read his response.]
I was so lucky when you came back. You remembered me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Tate murmurs the fact aloud, leaning in toward Derek's palm not unlike the three legged cat that roams around them half the time. He stares off for a moment into the distance, eyes unfocused, before he blinks back into himself and the present. He tilts his head to look up at Derek, reaching up with two fingers to snag the front of his clean shirt and give it a little tug right at the hem. Right over his dick.]
Will you do one more thing for me?
no subject
Maybe. I still need to talk to you about something, remember?
[ Anything else can come - after. Later. If at all. He gets the feeling Tate's gonna get upset, again. ]
no subject
[Tate's fingers unhook, slow and deliberate, ghosting down the front of Derek's thigh as he lets 'maybe' sit at the forefront of his mind and feels curbed away from what he wanted with minor annoyance. He chews on his lower lip before looking back up, dark eyes intent in how they study Derek's face - waiting for the next cue on how to act. What to say. What to do.]
What is it?
no subject
Stiles is back.
[ Derek lets that hang in the air for a second before-- clarifying, in case he needs to. ]
He's been here for a couple of weeks. Doesn't remember being here before. Thought you should know, because... things always felt complicated between you two, I guess.
no subject
Oh.
[There's a lot to process there and maybe it's a good thing that Derek can sense the way Tate twitches, the way he scratches at his arm again idly - because it might be perceived as the jealousy it in part truly is. Someone Derek cares about is back and Tate is just so quickly becoming agitated by the notion of having to share the attention he's receiving.]
You must be happy.
no subject
I'm not. I don't think I am, at least.
[ Derek's noticing the nervousness in Tate, though it's nothing he thinks he should bring attention to. The jealousy, the fear, the anxiety - Derek kind of expected it all. ]
But - whatever. We don't need to talk about it. I just wanted you to know.
no subject
[Tate can sense that the topic is about to slip away and if he doesn't ask now, he might not get the chance to. The chance to get Derek to elaborate on what he's saying, because it raises goosebumps over Tate's skin with a tingle of surprise in his gut. He's not happy? That's promising, to Tate, selfish as he is. If he can breed more of that doubt, he wants to so that his claws never leave Derek's flesh.
He needs the reassurance. It's what drives him to wet his lips and speak:]
It won't change... anything, will it? For us. How we've been living and... our contract, and all that.
no subject
Not unless you want it to. You're in charge, legally speaking.
[ That's a non-answer, and Derek seems to realize that, because he shrugs one very tense shoulder and quickly takes another stab at it. ]
I don't want to change anything. He might stay here for a while, but - that's just to get him out of the dorms. He's a Sub again, so.
no subject
[Tate chews on the inside of his cheek, biting down hard enough to leave grooves in his lip before fiddling again with his sleeve and the way his nails can rake against his skin. He could abuse his power to keep Derek from interacting with Stiles, sure, but that wouldn't do anything for him. He is mildly relieved to hear that Stiles is a fellow sub and that on some level, anything he and Derek do together might get them in trouble.]
You were close. He doesn't remember that, but you do. Is that what you want again?
no subject
I don't know. It's been a long time.
[ Which, again, Derek realizes isn't an answer. He leans back, bounces his foot against the floor a little, then pushes forward. ]
Right now - no. It's...
[ Derek's clearly trying to get past some kind of mental block that's making this hard to talk about, but he eventually just sighs, seemingly dismissing the whole thing out of hand. Talking about Stiles to Tate always felt kind of taboo, and this is giving him the same anxiety he would've had a couple of years back. He shoots Tate a side-eye, trying to get a quick read of his feelings. ]
Do you really want a play-by-play of how I'm feeling? Not exactly going to be a fun conversation.
no subject
[Tate can't bring himself to say 'I know you love him' so he doesn't even try. He drops his gaze and tries not to feel annoyed by the prickly feeling that always arose when he was around Stiles too long. It was like he could see through every aspect of Tate's facade without even trying. He was too smart, too dangerous. Tate doesn't want him here again, not in between them. Not as a rival.]
But if that's what you want, I can take a few steps back. Or something.
no subject
What he does know, though, is that Tate's jumping ahead a little too much, here. Derek just - dismisses this, idle and quick. ]
I haven't been thinking about dating him again. He's had a lot going on, and frankly, so have I.
[ With Stiles dealing with shit from home and trying to settle in, Derek's mostly just been navigating minefields trying to keep Stiles' past time here a secret - he hasn't allowed himself to wonder if he wants to pursue a relationship with Stiles again, but it's a daunting idea, given that they'd have to build so much up from scratch. He's not sure he has the guts. ]
I actually feel kind of stupid, actually. I spent a year waiting for him to come back - and now that he's here and doesn't remember me, it's just... I feel embarrassed for pining for so long. I don't know.
[ A pause. Derek looks at Tate, cautiously trying to gauge his reaction. He doesn't know if he wants Tate to agree with him on what he's about to say or not. ]
I feel like I've been kind of pathetic. I mean - I've kept half of what he owned exactly where he left it before he went home. I've got an entire guest room locked off because he kept all his research in there, and I didn't want to disturb it. I mean, for fuck's sake, I barely even sleep in my own bed, because that's where he used to sleep, and it feels... just...
[ Hard. Sad. It doesn't matter, so Derek trails off. Derek doesn't sound particularly sad while he's talking about all this, only frustrated, maybe a bit embarrassed. What was the point of caring so much and worrying so much if Stiles was just going to forget him? Feels like the world played him for a chump. Again. ]
no subject
[Tate held off on giving up hope, and to this day he still thinks about her time to time. What he'd do if she did show up again, a thought stirred up recently by his discussions with Harley. The same could be said for Sabrina or Peter, though Tate's fixations on other people have really been what's carried him by without losing his shit over losing those people. He's been able to jump person to person, finding someone new to obsess over. Finding Derek to be an anchor he's the most focused on now, hearing things about Stiles that make him feel a bit cold inside.
The way Derek talks about roped off rooms and not sleeping in the bed they once shared, though? It makes Tate feel like he's been challenged to taint those lingering ideas, to paint himself over where Stiles once sat so that Derek can see him instead. He's happy to hear Derek's not quick to jump back into pursuing Stiles. Tate, a jealous little gremlin, is already trying to think of how to keep that from happening by his own hand.]
It took some time but I moved on. Letting go was really hard though, but... would it be the same otherwise? I think I'd be disappointed if she came back and forgot everything we had. Rebuilding it would feel fake.
[He shrugs, mild expression given as he glances up to Derek's face to try and read his response.]
I was so lucky when you came back. You remembered me.