i'm trying to be understanding because i am. about the whole not gay thing i felt that way before too. still do? but he kind of acts like idk how to say it
Can't really fault him for that. Not everyone likes sucking cock as much as you do.
[ kind of teasing, kind of not. if marcus is new to all this, it kind of makes sense to derek that he'd get cold feet at whatever line he drew for himself. ]
He acts... cold? Mean? He's, what, sixteen? Seventeen? Maybe he's struggling with this more than you did.
You shouldn't. It's not fair for him to put you through that, and it's not your responsibility to help him feel okay with... whatever it is you two are doing. If he's hurting you, or making you feel unappreciated in any way, you need to keep some distance between the two of you. Emotionally speaking. Physically, too, probably. Act sensibly. Be understanding, but don't let him use you or control the dynamic of your relationship. Take care of yourself.
i'm trying to be understanding since he knows im into him and i know he's into me. sort of. whatever it is if we're drunk or something it's not usually an issue but i guess that is the issue
[He says, pretending to be responsible in acknowledging it.]
Mm. I guess all you can do is be patient and hope he figures things out. And... be aware of the fact that there's a chance he won't, or - that he'll figure out he's straight. This isn't exactly the most conducive environment for self-discovery. This could go either way. No matter how much you might like one another.
[ dot dot dot. ]
Sounds like things have progressed pretty fast. So. Might help to slow things down either way.
Yeah. Can't force him to know what his sexuality is. Can't force yourself to be okay with how he treats you. Space and patience feels like the only thing you can do. Unless, I mean, you just want to keep getting him drunk so you can fuck.
i can't tell if this place has been good or bad for me and how i process shit. i've done a lot of things in the last 2 years things i wouldn't have probably done back home, that i'd never done alive and i'm just used to a lot of other things too
one one hand i like it. getting to do things i thought about getting to be with people i'm attracted to without
[Judgment. Constance's judgment.]
but idk am i just jaded too? doing whatever i need to is it the same
[ not necessarily, actually, but - tate's problems are just that he likes a guy who's struggling with his feelings on whether or not he likes him back. derek doesn't need to spiral into a huge fucking argument about how there's more to life than feeling good. a dip in tate's self-confidence isn't worth derek criticizing his entire world view.
anyway - ]
Just try to keep your chin up. Try to be happy. Worst case scenario - even if this shit with Marcus doesn't work out - it sounds like you've made a pretty good friend. Nothing wrong with that.
[ he probably will, eventually, if only because he likes tate knowing good people, and billy, so far, has proven to be good people. he's kind of nervous about billy's apparent ease when it comes to drugs, just because that's not the energy he wants tate to be around, but - you know. that ship has sailed. ]
You'll bounce back. Just try to stay with people who make you feel better. Me. Marcus. Harley.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he's not going to pry if tate doesn't want to tell, though. he's not an animal. ]
What's up?
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he fucking spit though.
[Not annoyed but also a bit annoyed still.]
i'm trying to be understanding
because i am. about the whole not gay thing
i felt that way before too. still do?
but he kind of acts like
idk how to say it
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Not everyone likes sucking cock as much as you do.
[ kind of teasing, kind of not. if marcus is new to all this, it kind of makes sense to derek that he'd get cold feet at whatever line he drew for himself. ]
He acts... cold? Mean?
He's, what, sixteen? Seventeen?
Maybe he's struggling with this more than you did.
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he can be an asshole
and i get it
but idk
i dont like feeling like someone's ashamed of liking me
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Well...
You shouldn't. It's not fair for him to put you through that, and it's not your responsibility to help him feel okay with... whatever it is you two are doing.
If he's hurting you, or making you feel unappreciated in any way, you need to keep some distance between the two of you. Emotionally speaking. Physically, too, probably.
Act sensibly. Be understanding, but don't let him use you or control the dynamic of your relationship.
Take care of yourself.
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i'm trying to be understanding since he knows im into him
and i know he's into me. sort of. whatever it is
if we're drunk or something it's not usually an issue
but i guess that is the issue
[He says, pretending to be responsible in acknowledging it.]
i still like him though.
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I guess all you can do is be patient and hope he figures things out. And... be aware of the fact that there's a chance he won't, or - that he'll figure out he's straight.
This isn't exactly the most conducive environment for self-discovery. This could go either way. No matter how much you might like one another.
[ dot dot dot. ]
Sounds like things have progressed pretty fast. So.
Might help to slow things down either way.
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i guess.
that's what you'd do then? some space
i'll think about it.
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Can't force him to know what his sexuality is. Can't force yourself to be okay with how he treats you.
Space and patience feels like the only thing you can do.
Unless, I mean, you just want to keep getting him drunk so you can fuck.
[ that is a joke. do not do that. ]
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i can't tell if this place has been good or bad for me
and how i process shit. i've done a lot of things in the last 2 years
things i wouldn't have probably done back home, that i'd never done alive
and i'm just used to a lot of other things too
one one hand i like it. getting to do things i thought about
getting to be with people i'm attracted to without
[Judgment. Constance's judgment.]
but idk
am i just jaded too?
doing whatever i need to
is it the same
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It's been good for me, though. Being here. In spite of everything.
I can only hope it's been good for you, too.
[ ... ]
I think you're happier than you used to be.
That has to account for something.
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things are okay right now at least
i don't feel bad. so that's good, right?
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[ not necessarily, actually, but - tate's problems are just that he likes a guy who's struggling with his feelings on whether or not he likes him back. derek doesn't need to spiral into a huge fucking argument about how there's more to life than feeling good. a dip in tate's self-confidence isn't worth derek criticizing his entire world view.
anyway - ]
Just try to keep your chin up. Try to be happy.
Worst case scenario - even if this shit with Marcus doesn't work out - it sounds like you've made a pretty good friend.
Nothing wrong with that.
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i'm really trying
to do good and be good.
i wanna just make u proud
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Come on. You're worrying too much. Getting in your head.
You should get some rest. Try to think about something else, at least.
(1/2)
[But okay, okay.]
night.
(2/2) l o n g time l a t e r
fucking cant believe its over
n thats just it
nothing
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I have a friend who lives in the dorms, still.
Kind of worries me. I always want to go down and see him.
Why?
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[ does that help ]
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billy?
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Haven't known him for very long. Messaged me on accident when the network was all fucked up.
He's a good kid. Funny. You'd like him.
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[friendly, not friendly, who knows.]
but yeah idk
i just wanted to check in.
i still feel tired and it's been a few days since i got back
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[ he probably will, eventually, if only because he likes tate knowing good people, and billy, so far, has proven to be good people. he's kind of nervous about billy's apparent ease when it comes to drugs, just because that's not the energy he wants tate to be around, but - you know. that ship has sailed. ]
You'll bounce back.
Just try to stay with people who make you feel better.
Me. Marcus. Harley.
[ stiles? probably not stiles. ]
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the space thing
kinda did a 180
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