Never too busy for you. Tell me what's going on. Typically don't message me with just hey if there isn't something on your mind. Good moods tend to provoke unsolicited dick pics and unwarranted analyses of poems I haven't read.
Doesn't seem like something to stress out about. You're already dating. Asking him out - the hard part - is over. Just do what comes natural to you. If you want to make the holidays a big deal, make the holidays a big deal. If you want to just stay in bed with him, stay in bed with him. What are you worried about, exactly?
it just everything is good. it feels good and im happy but when you put titles on it when i try to talk about it i still feel funny. i don't like feeling funny
[ ... derek's pretty sure that's tate's mom's fault, but. not going to spring "hey, how about you think about some deap-seated self-hating bigotry that might've been beaten into you growing up" on tate so blatantly. hold on. ]
I know. I understand. But you're not in LA anymore. Not stuck in the nineties. If you like him, nobody's going to judge you for it. Nobody's going to give you any shit. Whatever baggage might be making you feel funny or weird or strange or anything like that - you can leave it all at home. Things are okay here.
If you just feel awkward because of more... immediate reasons, like being scared that this'll end or fall apart, or something - You don't need to feel that way. Kid clearly likes you, from everything you've told me.
You did not tell me that. Considering it took me six months to fuck you, it's not really a surprise to me that someone new to the city had a few hang ups to work through.
[ derek assumes the two of them hooked up when marcus was still new, but. you never know. ]
Feels like you've got two choices, honestly. Talk to him about how you feel, or show him what it is you want. Let him into your head by communicating your thoughts to him or by making some kind of gesture. If you want this thing with Marcus to be real, you're going to have to risk rejection or vulnerability at one point or another. Otherwise it's just going to be sex and anxiety and confusion.
what kind of gesture? i was thinking that i like... knowing physically about connections like that like the tattoo you gave me, it's permanent. i have it around all the time. i wanted to give him something too but different. maybe simpler.
I was thinking more "put some fairy lights around the treehouse and tell Marcus you want to spend the holidays with him" than something so extreme and permanent. Maybe get him a present that would mean a lot to him, though? That's permanent enough.
Don't confuse hesitation or someone needing time with rejection. Even if he doesn't understand what you're trying to offer him or isn't on the same page as you, if he still wants to stick around or be with you, he's just figuring things out. Communicating with you. No healthy relationship is based on two people saying yes to each other about everything.
thanks. i like it when i can talk to you about stuff like this. you always know the answers. or the better answers, anyway. i'd be lost on my own. sometimes i think being dead dead was way easier than this
Probably was, in some ways. Life is hard. Less lonely, though. Less cold.
[ ... ]
I don't think I know the answers, really. I just know you, and I care about you, so I want to help you to the best of my ability. And - I don't think you would be lost on your own. You're smart. Capable. Always growing, whether you see it or not. You don't need me as much as you think you do.
Not that I'm planning on leaving you any time soon. Just saying. Give yourself credit. Helping people isn't really my forte, I've found. If something I say resonates with you, it's because you feel like it's the right thing to do. You would have come up with the same answers if you'd given yourself time to think them through.
you've never failed to help me before it's something you're good at. being a guardian. that's what i wanna be like. like you, able to do that for other people
it's hard though. beyond the whole relationship shit providing in general. how the fuck do you manage it? i kind of miss being a sub sometimes letting all that shit be someone else's problem
Well... thank you. I'm not really sure what to say. It means a lot to hear that from you.
[ he's always kind of worried about failing tate, after all. ]
You're doing well. I know it's hard. But you're doing well. Likely because - well - you already have an affinity for looking out for people. You've always given me the impression that you were protective of your sister. You've always cared about me. Look how much you're caring about Marcus, now. I'm sure there are others. Providing for the people you love certainly feels like a trait of yours.
You felt over your head as a sub, too. We all feel over our heads here.
I don't think you're stupid. Little worried you might be overextending yourself, but if you think you can handle this, there's nothing wrong with trying. Could break it off after three months. Goes without saying that if you ever need help - money, somewhere to go to take a break - you only need to ask. You're not alone in this.
I would. I spent a long time just wanting to hide away. Be with Stiles, be with you. Angry with being here, scared to leave whatever safe bubble I managed to hide away in. But. Feels cowardly, after a while. Stagnant. If I can do something good for someone good, I'd like to at least try.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'm not Lassie.
What's up?
[ he's not actually busy. just derek being derek. ]
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being busy and all
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Tell me what's going on.
Typically don't message me with just hey if there isn't something on your mind.
Good moods tend to provoke unsolicited dick pics and unwarranted analyses of poems I haven't read.
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run some stuff by you but not if ur actually busy
it's not really
idk
["important". But he can't finish saying that because to him, it is.]
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I'm not busy.
Even if I were, if you really needed to talk, I'd drop what I was doing to focus on you.
You know that.
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its just idk, things with marcus r kinda good
holidays are coming
not sure what i expect
or what i should do, u know?
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You're already dating. Asking him out - the hard part - is over.
Just do what comes natural to you.
If you want to make the holidays a big deal, make the holidays a big deal. If you want to just stay in bed with him, stay in bed with him.
What are you worried about, exactly?
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it just
everything is good. it feels good and im happy
but when you put titles on it
when i try to talk about it i still feel
funny.
i don't like feeling funny
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I know. I understand.
But you're not in LA anymore. Not stuck in the nineties.
If you like him, nobody's going to judge you for it. Nobody's going to give you any shit.
Whatever baggage might be making you feel funny or weird or strange or anything like that - you can leave it all at home. Things are okay here.
If you just feel awkward because of more... immediate reasons, like being scared that this'll end or fall apart, or something -
You don't need to feel that way.
Kid clearly likes you, from everything you've told me.
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he spit the first time he blew me, did i ever tell u that?
[tmi, w/e]
i dont wanna overload him just like i dont
i dont know. wanna freak out either
i think we're on the same page but
what if i scare him off?
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Considering it took me six months to fuck you, it's not really a surprise to me that someone new to the city had a few hang ups to work through.
[ derek assumes the two of them hooked up when marcus was still new, but. you never know. ]
Feels like you've got two choices, honestly.
Talk to him about how you feel, or show him what it is you want. Let him into your head by communicating your thoughts to him or by making some kind of gesture.
If you want this thing with Marcus to be real, you're going to have to risk rejection or vulnerability at one point or another.
Otherwise it's just going to be sex and anxiety and confusion.
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like the tattoo you gave me, it's permanent. i have it around all the time.
i wanted to give him something too but different. maybe simpler.
but i don't want to get rejected
at all.
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Maybe get him a present that would mean a lot to him, though?
That's permanent enough.
Don't confuse hesitation or someone needing time with rejection.
Even if he doesn't understand what you're trying to offer him or isn't on the same page as you, if he still wants to stick around or be with you, he's just figuring things out. Communicating with you.
No healthy relationship is based on two people saying yes to each other about everything.
[ oops! ]
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thanks.
i like it when i can talk to you about stuff like this. you always know the answers.
or the better answers, anyway. i'd be lost on my own.
sometimes i think being dead dead was way easier than this
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Less lonely, though.
Less cold.
[ ... ]
I don't think I know the answers, really. I just know you, and I care about you, so I want to help you to the best of my ability.
And - I don't think you would be lost on your own. You're smart. Capable. Always growing, whether you see it or not.
You don't need me as much as you think you do.
Not that I'm planning on leaving you any time soon.
Just saying.
Give yourself credit.
Helping people isn't really my forte, I've found. If something I say resonates with you, it's because you feel like it's the right thing to do. You would have come up with the same answers if you'd given yourself time to think them through.
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it's something you're good at. being a guardian.
that's what i wanna be like. like you, able to do that for other people
it's hard though. beyond the whole relationship shit
providing in general. how the fuck do you manage it?
i kind of miss being a sub sometimes
letting all that shit be someone else's problem
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It means a lot to hear that from you.
[ he's always kind of worried about failing tate, after all. ]
You're doing well. I know it's hard. But you're doing well.
Likely because - well - you already have an affinity for looking out for people. You've always given me the impression that you were protective of your sister. You've always cared about me. Look how much you're caring about Marcus, now. I'm sure there are others.
Providing for the people you love certainly feels like a trait of yours.
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i still feel over my head sometimes
i'm responsible for marcus
and well
another friend asked if i could spot him with a contract
do you think i'm stupid for agreeing?
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We all feel over our heads here.
I don't think you're stupid.
Little worried you might be overextending yourself, but if you think you can handle this, there's nothing wrong with trying. Could break it off after three months.
Goes without saying that if you ever need help - money, somewhere to go to take a break - you only need to ask.
You're not alone in this.
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you're good at this. i like it.
i think i'm okay
it's not a forever thing
but a friend thing? i think
if u were a dom rn
do u think ud take on more subs if u could?
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I would.
I spent a long time just wanting to hide away. Be with Stiles, be with you. Angry with being here, scared to leave whatever safe bubble I managed to hide away in.
But.
Feels cowardly, after a while. Stagnant.
If I can do something good for someone good, I'd like to at least try.
Why?
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i wish you could. wish things were like they were
maybe stiles can do it then
if u both agree on some people
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It was better before.
Easier.
I felt safer. You felt safer, I think.
Probably why they made us switch.
I don't think Stiles would be interested in that.
Which - honestly - I can't say I blame him for.
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